The Uncanny Superbuddies!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 17 up! CoWritten by the Uncanny RMan. A spinoff of Uncanny Justice League, starring Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Guy Gardner, Fire, Ice, and the rest of the JLI! Next: More crossover fun! RR PLEASE! Suggestions ne
1. In The Eyes of a Beetle!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**Hello, fans! This is L1701E! I hope you enjoy this fun little spinoff from The Uncanny R-Man's "Uncanny Justice League"! Basically, this stars the classic line-up from the JLI/JLE in the world of JLU! Enjoy the adventure, excitement, and hilarity!**

**_Chapter 1: In the Eyes of a Beetle!_**

**The Justice League Watchtower**

A man stood at a window of the Watchtower, looking up at the stars in an impressed manner. He had his hands clamped behind his back. He was dressed in a costume that was in two shades of blue with a beetle-head like design on it. His dark blue cowl with the yellow goggles was pulled back, revealing his mid-length brown hair, blue eyes, and his full face. He looked like he was in his late 20s.

_My name is Ted Kord._ The man thought. _I am the Blue Beetle. Actually, I'm the second man to call himself the Blue Beetle, but that's a long story. I'm quite different from Dan Garrett. About me? Well, I'm an inventor. I use a lot of gadgets in crimefighting, and I happen to have an IQ of 192, not that I'm bragging or anything. I also run K.O.R.D Industries. That stands for Kord Omniversal Research and Development. To be quite frank, I suck at business stuff. I prefer building and fashioning devices with my own two hands._

"Sure thing! I'd _love_ to endorse your product!" A familiar voice said. Beetle turned around and saw a blond man in a gold and dark blue techno-suit with a dark blue 5-pointed star on his chest, eyes covered by a gold visor. He was walking by, talking into a cell phone. Ted shook his head.

_Michael Jon Carter, aka Booster Gold._ Beetle shook his head. _He was a football star in his future, but he came back here to seek fame and fortune. I swear, that guy is always up to something to get himself a few thousand in his pocket._ Booster saw Beetle and grinned.

"I'll call you back, Bill." Booster shut off his phone. "Teddy, my man! How's it going?" Beetle couldn't help but smile.

_Booster's a good guy, just a bit greedy at times. He did crowd control over when Mordru attacked a city. I wasn't there at the time. I was busy with Kord Industries matters in __Boston__ at the time. But from what Booster told me, he had quite an adventure himself._ "Ahh, not too badly. Just being here. I'm here a lot, but I'm not asked a lot to help out around with missions and stuff."

"Tell me about it." Booster grumbled. "I only had one, count 'em, _one_ freakin' adventure since joining this League. I get no respect."

"Where's Skeets?" Beetle asked.

"Ah, poor old Skeets." Booster chuckled. "He got a little busted up. Thank Doc Light for that."

"What did you do to tick _her_ off?" Beetle crossed his arms.

"Nothing…" Booster replied quickly, darting his eyes about. "…she's nuts, like the bad guy she shares the name with." Beetle sighed. "What's eating you?"

"Nothing much." Beetle replied. "It's just I want a little more action around here, that's all. I'm tired of crowd control."

"Preaching to the choir, Brother Ted." Booster agreed. "There are some days I just want to take Batman's fancy utility belt and shove it down his throat."

"Now _you're_ preaching to the choir, Brother Michael." Beetle chuckled. "I'm going to head back down to Earth."

"I'll come with you, man." Booster shrugged. "I just gotta go pick up Skeets and I'll head out for my newest endorsement."

"What is it this time? Acme Horse Manure?" Beetle teased. Booster shot Beetle a disturbed look.

"…NO!" Booster snapped. "Oh yeah, and Fire's been looking for you all day."

"Oh no…" Beetle moaned. "What is up with her?"

"I thought _I_ was the ladykiller around here, anyway." Booster laughed. The two heroes walked into the cafeteria. A green-haired woman, dressed in a somewhat revealing two-piece costume was sitting at a table, chatting with Zatanna, Black Canary, and Barda.

"Oh no, don't let Fire see me…" Beetle moaned, shuffling to move behind Booster. _Fire.__ Her real name is Beatriz Bonilla DaCosta. She's a supermodel, she's a flirt, she's Brazilian, she has green hair and fire powers. And…for some strange reason, she has taken an interest in flirting with me._ Fire turned and saw Booster. She blinked at him.

"What's up, Bea?" Zatanna blinked.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw Blue Beetle." Fire replied.

"Did she see me?" Beetle blinked up from behind Booster's shoulder.

"No…" Booster smirked evilly. "Hey Bea! Your Love Bug mmph!" He quickly got a blue glove over his mouth.

"Shut up, Booster!" Beetle grumbled. They heard a commotion. The two heroes looked at each other.

"What the-?" The two heroes looked at each other. They ran down a hall and they saw a sight that made Beetle smile. An angry Hawkgirl was standing over a man who had his reddish-blond hair in a bowl cut. He was dressed in a black costume with a green vest, white belt, white stomping boots, and white gloves. The neck of the costume was like the neck of a black turtleneck sweater. He looked like he got knocked silly, complete with little blue Guardians flying around his head. His finger had a green Power Ring around it.

"Pig." Hawkgirl sneered as she walked away. Beetle smirked smugly.

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy." _Ugh. Guy Gardner. I hate this guy. He's a Green Lantern, like John Stewart. Unfortunately. What were the Guardians thinking when they gave _**_Gardner_**_ a ring? He's a chauvinist, he's arrogant, he's annoying, he's a hothead, and I want to punch him right in the mouth whenever I see him. Actually, he and I are well known for our fistfights._

"Oh, man…" Guy grumbled as he got to his feet, holding his head. "Man, that Hawkgirl is one angry woman. Stewart ought to bang her more."

"I see you were as graceful as ever with the ladies, Gardner." Beetle smirked smugly. Guy growled.

"I'd like to see _you_ try, Kord!" Guy snapped. "Or are you too busy worrying about Fire catching you all the time?"

"How does Tora put up with you?" Beetle snapped back.

"I can't help the fact that I'm irresistible." Guy crossed his arms and smirked smugly. Beetle clenched his fists, wanting to wipe that smirk off his face.

"Easy, Ted. You know your heart condition…" Booster calmed down the inventor.

"I don't need to worry about my heart condition when it comes to taking Gardner down a few pegs!" Beetle grumbled. _I do have some heart troubles, which is one of the reasons why I'm not on missions much. But then again, I don't need to worry about my heart when it comes to Guy. I could knock him flat with one punch._

"What is going on here?" A woman asked. She had short white hair, and was dressed in a white-and-blue costume with an icicle shape cut out from the front.

_Tora__ Olafsdotter._ Blue Beetle remembered. _Ice. She has the ability to create ice and snow. I like her. She's a sweetheart. I can't really say anything bad about her…well, except the fact she seems to be into __Gardner__ for some strange reason. God knows what she sees in him. Opposites really do attract when it comes to those two._ Beetle's eyes widened when he heard a familiar voice.

"Oh _Beeeeeetle__…_" Fire's voice called.

"Aw heck naw!" Beetle gulped. Guy chuckled.

"What's the matter, nerd boy? Can't handle a hot woman AGH!" Guy started to tease, but the Green Lantern got nailed in the mouth by a jab from Blue Beetle. Th inventor then raced off.

"HELP ME! DON'T LET HER FIND ME!" Beetle screamed.

**_Next: More craziness from the Superbuddies! _**


	2. Let's Go Camping!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**L1701E**

**And The Uncanny R-Man**

_To Haretrigger: Hey there, Hare! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! What were the Guardians thinking? Maybe they were drunk or something when they gave Guy a ring. I thought it would be funny to see Beetle hide from a flirtatious Fire, and of course, Guy getting beaten up by a chick is always good for a laugh. Enjoy the new chapter, my friend!_

_To Erin Starlight: Hey there, __Erin__! Nice to hear from you! Glad you liked the last chapter! I think Booster Gold and Blue Beetle are fun characters. Here's more for you! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you! Glad you liked the last chapter! I thought a JLU-verse fic starring the JLI gang would be good for a few laughs. Expect more JLI members to make appearances down the line. Actually, Blue Beetle will never appear on JLU. You see, a clause in the contract from the old Blue Beetle radio show from the 40s I believe states that Blue Beetle is not allowed to appear in any medium besides comic books. Therefore, unless something is done about that, Blue Beetle will sadly never be seen on television, animated or live-action. A real shame. A Blue Beetle cartoon would be great to introduce kids to comics. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To mattb3671: Hey there, matt! Nice to hear from you again! Glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, the superheroes are here and ready to rock! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Peace Between Humans and Mutants: Priceless"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Thanks again for writing this one for me! I hope you don't mind how I fixed it up! I thought it would be funny to have Blue Beetle slug Guy Gardner across the mouth. God knows he's asked for it so many times in the comics. I do want Mary Marvel to appear sometime down the line. Enjoy the new chapter!_ Disclaimer: All characters belong to DC Comics. I'm just writing this because I like to make people laugh. And here's your quote: "Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?" - Hulk Hogan

**_Chapter 2: Let's Go Camping!_**

**Justice League Watchtower-**

Blue Beetle was standing beside one of the many windows in the Watchtower, overlooking the planet Earth many miles below. He was bored. As bored as a very big wooden board that had several large holes bored into it.

Beetle was in his usual place for two reasons. The first reason was that looking out into the infinite reaches of space helped him think. The second reason was that he wanted to keep away from Fire. As hot as the superpowered Brazilian supermodel was (no pun intended), Beetle found the way that she kept on hitting on him non-stop was a little disconcerting. Grabbing his butt was one thing, but perving on him in the shower was another matter entirely.

Having found no particular peace in watching the planet below him, Beetle decided to snag something to eat before the kitchen became over-crowded by the other Leaguers. Superman and company were due back from a mission soon and they always got first dibs on the food.

Beetle snorted in derision. You make an effort to label your peanut butter clearly, and it ends up getting eaten anyway. The blue-costumed genius made a mental note to have a word with the Flash about that.

Beetle walked in to the kitchen to see Booster Gold preparing a sandwich. The sandwich making wasn't the most disturbing thing in there. It was the fact that Booster as singing. Badly.

"_We want chicken. We want liver. Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver…_" The fame-seeking superhero warbled. Beetle just shook his head and headed for his fridge, where his peanut butter would hopefully remain unmolested.

"What's up Ted?" Booster asked as he carefully placed a slice of bread atop the pile of cheese and various meats.

"You're not really going to eat that, are you?" Beetle asked, wincing slightly at the mayonnaise that threatened to fall out of the culinary monstrosity. Booster shot Beetle a "You're-kidding-me" look.

"No, I'm gonna use it to clean out the toilet." Booster snorted. "Of _course_ I'm gonna eat it!"

"That's an attack of indigestion waiting to happen." Beetle sighed. Booster rolled his eyes.

"What are you, my mother?" Booster snorted. "You gonna tell me to clean my room and wash behind my ears next? You know, she was one of the reasons I left the future." Beetle just shook his head and reached for his peanut butter. "So what brings you to the kitchen, m'man?" Booster asked as he shovelled his sandwich in to his mouth.

"Eh, I got bored with staring out of the window and wanted to get something to eat before the others hog it all." Beetle replied as he liberally spread some peanut butter on to a few slices of bread. "This place can be so boring sometimes."

"I know a cool place that we could go to get away." Booster remembered with a smile. "There's fishing, camping, all that junk. Crystal Lake I think it's called." Beetle's face scrunched in thought.

_Crystal Lake__…I know I've heard that name from somewhere before…Must be from a movie or something._ Beetle thought. "Interesting. But won't Bats and the others want to know where we are?" Beetle asked.

"Yeah, right." Booster snorted. "I may be dumb, but I know when I'm classed as cannon fodder. We're frickin' B-Listers, man! We never get as much respect as Batsy and the others. We do crowd control! Okay, we have a cult following but it isn't the same as our own multi-million dollar merchandising contracts."

"Wow." Beetle whistled in an impressed manner. "You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"Me? Think?" Booster laughed. "_Bah!_ Thinking is for losers!" Beetle cocked a curious brow at his friend. Booster Gold would never win any intelligence contents, but it was a little unusual for him to depreciate himself like this.

"Are you okay, Booster?" He asked. "You're usually so sure of yourself. Not to mention you usually are more than a little… arrogant."

"Meh." Booster shrugged. "You must have me confused with Bizarro me or something." Beetle just shook his head and went about consuming his sandwich.

"Anyway, that camping idea sounds cool." Beetle admitted. "It's a great way to relax and get away from our situation for a while. Just give me a while to gather up some camping stuff and I'll meet you by the teleporters, 'kay?"

"No problem, 'bro." Booster nodded with a smile. "Crystal Lake won't know what hit it!"

**The teleporter room, later-**

Blue Beetle was dressed in his civvies: A blue t-shirt with a blue, black, and white plaid shirt over it, and blue jeans. He had a load of camping gear packed on his back. Sleeping bag, gas cooker, you name it.

He stepped into the teleporter room and his face fell. He saw Guy Gardner and Ice placing some stuff on the teleporter, including what appeared to be fishing gear. They were dressed in civilian clothes as well. Guy wore a green t-shirt with the GL logo on it, a black leather jacket, and blue jeans with cowboy boots. Ice was dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. She had on a fisherman's vest and hat as well.

"Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here." Guy Gardner snorted arrogantly. "Looks like Nerd Boy decided to join us."

"Guy, hush. Leave him alone." Ice hissed. "You're only going to get hurt again."

"As if." Guy snorted. "That was a lucky shot."

"What the _hell_ are you doing here, Gardner?" Beetle hissed angrily. "I thought this little trip was just going to be me and Booster."

"Forgive me, Ted. That was my fault." Ice held up her hands. "I thought that since Guy and I aren't being given much in the mission department, I decided to take him fishing down at Crystal Lake. It's a wonderful fishing place. And besides, I can't leave Guy anywhere alone. Last time I left him here at the Watchtower, he somehow got into a brawl with _Lobo_, of all people!"

"Hey, that was _not_ my fault! That overgrown piece of space trash started it!" Guy exclaimed in his own defence. "Not my fault he ran his big mouth." The Green Lantern then snickered as he turned to Beetle. "Besides Kord, what're you worried about? You're afraid that we're going to walk in on you and your boyfriend?" Guy laughed. "You two make such a cute couple, you know that?" Beetle growled and clenched his fists.

"I swear to God, you are _this_ close to another belting across the mouth, Gardner." Beetle hissed, doing the 'this close' gesture. "I'm warning you…"

"Oh look at me, I'm quivering in my boots." Guy snickered mockingly. Ice groaned.

"Alright! Looks like the gang's all here!" Booster grinned as he strutted in with a pack on his back. He was dressed in black jeans, a Booster Gold t-shirt, a puffy black jacket, and sunglasses. "Now, we just need to wait for Fire to join us."

"_Booster!_" Beetle hissed. "Why did you have to invite **her?** You know how Beatriz is around me!"

"She wanted to come." Ice replied. "I invited her. I thought she might enjoy getting away from the tower for a while."

"Oh crap…" Beetle groaned. He knew that Ice meant well. After, Fire and Ice were like sisters, despite their opposing powers and personalities. "I just **_know_** that she's going to try and drag me into going skinny-dipping with her."

"Mmm, you say that like it's a bad thing, stud." Fire purred as she sauntered in and grabbed Beetle on the backside. The green-haired heroine was dressed in a tight green shirt that was tied in the front, Daisy Dukes, and a cowboy hat. "Are we ready to go yet? That lake isn't going to go skinny-dipping in itself, you know."

"Not so fast!" Green Arrow said with authority as he strode purposefully into the room. "Did you kids say that you're going to Crystal Lake?"

"Yeah. What's it to ya, Pops?" Guy asked, raising an eyebrow at the green-wearing archer.

"The place is evil!" Green Arrow replied, his eyes wide in fear. "You go there, and you'll end up chopped into itty-bitty little pieces. They say a psycho killer in a hockey mask chops people up with a machete there." The five heroes burst out laughing.

"That's rich." Beetle chuckled. "No offence Ollie, but that sounds like something from a horror movie."

"Looks like somebody's missed their medication." Booster snickered. "You want me to call your nurse to take you off to bed?"

"Call Black Canary. She'll take him to bed." Guy smirked. "She's done it before." Ice smacked him upside the head. "What?"

"Mock me all you want." Green Arrow replied. "But don't come running to me after you're murdered horribly. Crystal Lake's evil I tells ya! _Evil!_"

"Right. Sure. Whatever." Fire sniffed. "What do you say we leave the scary crazy man and go already? These clothes are chafing me."

"You really have no shame, do you?" Ice sighed.

"Meh, it's my curse." Fire shrugged.

**_Next: The Superbuddies arrive at _****_Crystal Lake_****_, and they encounter a horror legend!_**


	3. Arrival!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies!**

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, Green Arrow is pretty funny in that role, especially since he is an older hero in the comics (In his 40s, I believe). What's Beetle's problem with Fire? I think it's that Fire is very forward. She likes a person, she'll flirt, and Beetle is a bit of a gentleman, I think. I originally went with it because it was funny to me. I'm sorry, Proponent. I need Guy. Every team needs their arrogant jerk, and Guy fits the role perfectly. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Jezrianna2.0: Hey there, Jezrianna! Nice to hear from you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! R-Man wrote the last chapter and he's read comics a lot longer than I have. He's been a big help to me when it comes to this stuff. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked seeing the old JLI in action again. They're a great bunch. I thought that it would be funny to see Fire flirt with Blue Beetle. After all, she did flirt with him in the comics once, I believe. Yeah, I think Beetle does find Fire's forwardness a little intimidating, but that's the way she is. Not to mention that supermodels were never really Beetle's type. I think Beetle does think of Fire as a good friend and a teammate. I do kind of think Fire's a little into him as well. Beetle's a nice guy. As for Guy, Ice sees something in him. No one ever knows what. The sad part in the comics was that when Ice died in the comics, Guy Gardner was genuinely trying to change his ways for her. At least, that's what I read on the DC Comics message boards. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Haretrigger: Hey there, Hare! I see you really are excited to see Fire skinny-dipping, heh heh **(Blue Beetle: (walks in and dumps Fire on Haretrigger's lap) You can have her, man! Enjoy!)**. Yeah, the Superbuddies figure as long as they're not getting a whole lot in the way of mission action, they might as well go and get themselves a vacation. Yeah, __Crystal Lake__ is a lovely camping spot…that is, if you don't believe all those legends about the psycho kid and his psycho mother and the murders and all that stuff. Yeah, I think Booster dealing with mosquitoes would pretty funny, as well as with the rituals involved with camping like sing-alongs and s'mores. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Thesis of a Black-Winged Angel"! _

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I am a fan of your Question story "Onions and Cakes". Question is really kooky, but he can get the job done. Unfortunately, I am serious. Blue Beetle is not allowed to appear in any medium besides comic books. Yeah, it is a shame. DC does own the Blue Beetle character, who they obtained from Charlton. I think it may have been a provision of ownership or something. Don't worry, Guy will still be his jerky hilarious self. This is the rebellious GL Guy, no yellow ring, no Warrior stuff. I'd love to see Guy appear in JLU myself. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To AnimationLasi: Hey there, __AL__! Nice to hear from you! Here's the new chapter! Yeah, camping trips are a lot of fun, especially with super-powered people. X-Men camping? Now **that** is funny. R-Man wrote the last chapter, which I fixed up. Green Arrow's cameo was awesome, playing the "crazy old man who knows more than the stars" bit. I also thought the bit with Booster Gold and the sandwiches and his singing was funny. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Tides of Change"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you! Thanks for the chapter, man! It was real good! I'm glad you let me fix it up some. It was really good. Oh yeah, it's no surprise who they'll run into at __Crystal Lake__…Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "I never had much use for the super-guy…" - Guy Gardner on Superman, during the "Reign of the Supermen" storyline**

**_Chapter 3: Arrival!_**

**Crystal Lake**

Crystal Lake had a long history in urban legend. The campsite was believed to have been where many years ago, a young boy named Jason Vorhees drowned due to camp counselors' unintentional negligence. Legend also said that his mother went nuts and started murdering camp counselors in vengeance, only to meet her own end. Another legend states that Jason returned from the dead to slay all humanity in vengeance for his mother's death. They say Jason still stalks Crystal Lake today, returned in a huge zombie-like form wielding a machete and wearing black and a hockey mask. However, they were just urban legends. In fact, a series of classic horror films were made based on the legends. Crystal Lake was about to receive its first superpowered visitors.

In the middle of the campsite, a flash of light suddenly appeared, and the five Superbuddies appeared. They looked around.

"This is it. Crystal Lake." Booster smiled.

"Isn't there a legend that there's a psycho killer that lives here?" Ice remembered.

"Oh, please." Guy laughed. "Tora, relax. It's all BS. There's no psycho killer here. It's just all legend. They made movies based on those legends."

"Hey, cabins." Beetle grinned, pointing at the cabins. "Let's all take one."

"Ooh, can we share?" Fire asked, wrapping her arms around Beetle's arm and rubbing it.

"No offense Fire, but in your case, no." Beetle replied, gently removing Fire's arms.

"Awwwww!" Fire pouted cutely. "You never want to do anything with me!"

"Heh heh, you suck, Beetle." Guy jeered. "You have a _supermodel_ chasing after you and you _turn her down?_ What're you, into Booster here or something?" Guy burst out laughing, and then found Booster's fist heading for his face.

**_POW!_**

"OW!" Guy clutched his nose. "You son of a…"

"You asked for it, Guy." Ice took his arm. "Now come on and help me put this stuff into our cabin." Ice dragged Guy away. "I expect you to be up bright and early tomorrow morning, Guy. That's the best time to catch fish."

"Thanks, Mike." Beetle waved. "I'm going to put my things in a cabin."

"No prob." Booster shrugged.

"Leave while y'all can." A voice said. Booster and Fire turned and saw an old man who looked like a stereotypical prospector, complete with wild hair, plaid shirt, and badly-kept jeans.

"Not _another_ one." Fire moaned.

"Leave while y'all can." The old man warned. "They say that crazy boy Jason Vorhees still haunts this place. They say he died here. His mama went plumb crazy and killed some people before dying herself, and then her son returned as a huge zombie, vowing to kill ev'rybody in the world. They say he haunts here, willin' to chop up anybody who comes here with his machete."

"Uh huh. Sure." Booster said flatly.

"Yeah, we'll keep an eye out for big scary zombie men." Fire said to the man sweetly. "We'll be careful." She then started to mutter. "First Green Arrow, now him. How many crazy old men make up stuff about this place?" They heard arguing nearby. The two heroes looked at each other.

"Oh no…" The two saw Beetle and Guy shoving each other and getting in each other's faces.

"That cabin is mine!" Beetle shoved Guy.

"No, it's mine!" Guy shoved Beetle back.

"Mine!" Beetle yelled.

"Mine!" Guy yelled back.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"_Mine!_"

"_Mine!_" Ice groaned as she watched the inventor and the Lantern argue.

"Allow me, my lady." Booster snickered, bowing before Ice. The fame-seeker walked up to the two with a smile, and conked their heads together a la Hulk Hogan.

"HEY!" The two yelled at Booster.

"Come on, Guy." Ice took Guy's arm. "I'm going to take you inside before you get into more trouble."

"I brought a DVD player." Booster said. "I know our first camp activity…"

**Booster's Cabin, a few minutes later**

"_Eek!_" Fire screamed as she saw Jason Vorhees attack another victim. Booster Gold had found a TV in his cabin, so he hooked up a DVD player he brought with him to it. She quickly jumped up and latched on to Beetle. The five heroes were watching a Friday the 13th marathon.

"Pfft!" Guy scoffed at Jason. "Look at him. That Jason Vorhees is a punk! I could take him down no problem! One blast from my power ring, and he'll wish he _stayed_ dead!"

"Bea, you need to relax." Beetle chuckled at the green-haired flame-wielder. "These movies aren't _that_ scary."

"Who said I grabbed you out of fear?" Fire grinned, tracing a finger up and down Beetle's arm. The inventor pushed Fire off him lightly, making her pout. "Aw, you're no fun!"

"That guy has no friggin' clue…" Guy muttered.

"Guy , he's probably just shy around her." Ice explained. "We all know that Fire is very…forward."

"Hush, you guys!" Booster shushed. "This is the best part!" A sickening crunch sound was heard from the TV. "Oh MAN, that was awesome!"

"Ewwwww!" Ice retched.

"Didn't know _that_ could be done with an arrow." Guy smirked.

"Ugh, I don't feel so good…" Beetle winced, rubbing his stomach.

"What's the matter, Nerd Boy?" Guy snickered. "Can't handle a little blood?"

"Coming from the King of Glass Jaws, I consider it a compliment." Beetle glared back at the Green Lantern. Guy growled and clenched his fist at the smugly-smiling Beetle. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a strange noise.

_Ch ch ch ch ch, ha ha ha ha ha…Ch ch ch ch ch, ha ha ha ha ha…_

"You guys hear that?" Booster looked around.

"Okay, I don't think that came from the DVD." Ice gulped.

"It's probably just the wind." Fire shrugged. The five heroes didn't look at a window behind them. If they did, they would've seen a large figure peer at them through it.

**_Next: Our heroes try to have some fun, but a certain hockey-masked psycho messes it up!_**


	4. Fright Night!

**Uncanny Superbuddies**

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Fire just isn't going to quit, I'll give her that! I don't think Beetle will have much of a choice in this chapter. And yes, there will be more smacking around of Guy. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I hope you like the edits and modifications I made to this chapter! Yesh, I was referring to the scene with Kevin Bacon getting an arrow shoved through his throat. Yeah, I thought a scene with Beetle and Guy arguing over a cabin would be good for some laughs. You'll see the wackiness next! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read more from you!_

_To AnimationLasi: Hey there, __AL__! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, this story is pretty funny. But then again, so was the original JLI/JLE stuff. You'll get to see Jason in this very chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Tides of Change"!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, the Superbuddies are quite a mish-mash of people: An inventor, a jock, a model, a sweetheart, and a brawler. It is very odd, that whole contract thing. I guess it was to protect Beetle from being portrayed wrong on television or something. I have read "Running A __Marathon__ on Jupiter" and I found it quite enjoyable. I thought it was a Question story because to me, even though it was about something that was concerning Flash, Question stole the show. I will keep on writing! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Running A __Marathon__ on Jupiter"!_

**Disclaimer: "Who needs a car when you got the finest public transportation system in the world!" - Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valiant, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?**

**_Chapter 4: Fright Night!_**

**Crystal Lake-**

It was early in the morning in Crystal Lake and the Superbuddies were enjoying their time off. Booster Gold was still in bed while Blue Beetle was having a swim in the beautiful clear blue lake. Guy Gardner and Ice had decided to head out early for some fishing. Well, Ice was fishing. Guy was just sitting back in the boat and drinking beer.

"Guy…" Ice sighed. "If you really wanted to sit around and drink all day, you should have gone to that bar you own **(1)**."

"Now let me tell you something, Tora." Guy smirked. "Sitting back and drinking beer is one of the tenements of fishing. It's a requirement. All good fishermen sit around and drink during fishing trips. Of course, they also share stories."

"Wouldn't you want to be sober when you're trying to catch fish?" Ice blinked. "And I think your stories are kind of goofy. All they are is basically you getting into trouble that you could easily avoid."

"Guy Gardner runs from no one, babe. Tell that to Lobo." Guy smirked. He saw Beetle swimming all the way on the other side of the lake. Actually, he looked more like a dot, considering the lake was so big. "Look at the nerd over there, Tora. Who does he think he is, Mark Spitz?" The Green Lantern burst out laughing.

"His doctor told him to get some exercise for his heart. Swimming _is_ good exercise." Ice smiled. "Have you seen Bea anywhere?"

"Probably in her bed dreaming about Blue Beetle." Guy joked.

"She wasn't in her cabin. I checked." Ice told him. Guy shrugged.

"Heck if I know then. Knowing her, she'd probably be naked." Guy concluded. Nobody knew where Fire had gone. Beetle was extremely grateful for that. That meant he had some peace before she continued flirting with him. Beetle had contented himself with an early morning swim, enjoying the relative quiet before Fire popped up and began flirting with him again. Not to mention get some exercise in.

"Ah…" Beetle smiled to himself. "Nothing like a nice relaxing swim. I can feel my stress floating away…" suddenly stopped as he felt something brush against his leg. "Gah! What the hell?" Beetle yelped. "That had better not be who I think it is…nah, it can't be. It can't be Jason Vorhees. He doesn't exist. Does he?" Beetle just shook those thoughts out of his head. He was letting Green Arrow get to him. The stories about the machete-wielding maniac were just urban myths that people told to get publicity. "I'm letting that knucklehead Ollie get to me. I gotta remember to tell him to stop spinning stupid stories when we come back home." Beetle continued to swim again but stopped as he felt something grab on to his leg. "Ahh! It's Jason! Jason's got me! Help!" Fortunately for Beetle, it wasn't Jason, it was Fire. And yes, she was skinny-dipping. She laughed happily.

"Geez, Teddy. Scream the whole place down, why don't you?" The Brazilian fire-wielder laughed. "It was only a joke. You Americans seriously need to loosen up. Always getting worked up over nothing."

"Fire, I've got a heart condition." Beetle reminded the green-haired heroine, placing his hand on his heart. "You could've given me a heart attack."

"Awww, it would be a pity if I did give you a heart attack." Fire purred as she swam closer. "Then I wouldn't have been able to do this…" Beetle's eyes widened in surprise as Fire wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed his face into her cleavage.

"How's that, Ted?" Fire purred. "Better?"

"Can't…breathe…" Beetle wheezed. Guy was watching this through green binoculars he created with his power ring.

"Damn!" Guy laughed. "I think the nerd's finally figured it out!" Ice glared at Beetle. She whacked him upside the head with her fishing pole. The act caused Guy to lose his concentration, and the green binoculars faded. "OW! What was _that_ for?" He snapped, rubbing the back of his head.

**Later-**

Beetle had finally escaped from Fire's clutches and was having a shower. He was singing to himself while he washed his hair. "_Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away, hey!_" He turned around as he heard some all-too familiar music…

Ch-_ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha-ha__… Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…_

"Dammit, Booster." Beetle muttered to himself. "Playing that movie too loud again. He keeps it up, I'm going to break that DVD over my knee and shove it down his throat." Beetle tried to concentrate while the music continued to play.

_Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha-ha…_

Unseen by the showering Beetle, a figure slowly stepped into the bathroom. The brown-haired inventor spun around as he heard somebody step on a creaky floorboard. His eyes widened in fear as an all-too familiar silhouette appeared on the other side of the shower curtain. A figure that had a machete in its hand.

"Ahh! _Jason!_" Beetle yelled in fright. He held up his hands in defence as 'Jason' pulled the shower curtain back. "Ahh! Don't kill me!" Beetle yelled, screaming like a girly-man. "Please God, don't let him kill me! I'm not a horny teenager, man!"

"Teddy, we should really stop meeting like this." Fire purred as she put her bottle of shampoo on the shelf. "People might think we're dating. Now move over, hot stuff. I feel dirty…"

"I'll be done in a sec, Bea." Beetle replied, his heartbeat steadily starting to return to normal. _Oh, thank God! It was only Bea. God, I hate Booster right now, getting me all freaked out over some urban legend._

"I didn't mean that kind of dirty, Teddy." Fire purred seductively as she pressed herself up against him.

"Bea, what're you doing?" Beetle exclaimed. Fire shushed him.

"I'll be gentle, Teddy. Now come to Momma…" Fire purred at a gulping Beetle.

**Later still-**

Guy and Ice were in their cabin, getting comfy. In actuality, they were lying back on the bed having a make-out session. The Green Lantern cursed under his breath and disengaged his lips from Ice's as he heard something.

_Ch-ch-ch-ch-ha-ha-ha-ha…_

"Dammit, Booster!" Guy yelled out angrily. "Turn that damn movie down or I'll come out there and kick your ass!"

"Guy…" Ice gulped nervously as she saw something. "…I don't think that's Booster's movie." The white-haired ice-maker shivered a little as she spoke. "Look." Guy turned around to see a tall, hockey mask-wearing figure staring at them through the widow.

"What the _hell?_" Guy hissed. "Get outta here, ya pervert, before I blast you!" The figure ignored Guy's threats and smashed its way through the door, causing Ice to scream.

"Umm Guy, remember those teens in the movie?" Ice asked, panting.

"Do I?" Guy snickered. "Nubile young chicks getting it on. Good stuff."

"And what happened to those young teens when they were doing what we were doing in the movie?" Ice asked.

"Uhh, get chopped into itty-bitty little pieces by the machete-wielding hockey fan over there?" Guy remembered, pointing at Jason with his thumb.

"Yup." Ice nodded. "I think we'd better run."

"Good idea. But first…" Guy pointed his power ring at Jason. He blasted the undead psychopath with a beam of emerald energy, knocking him off his feet. However, Jason recovered quickly and raised his machete again. Guy then grabbed Ice and flew out of the window, narrowly avoiding a machete blow from the hockey mask-wearing loony.

**Outside-**

Booster, Beetle and Fire were walking along when they heard screams coming from the direction of Guy and Ice's cabin. They ran over to find out a hockey mask wearing, machete-toting loony attacking the pair. Fortunately, Guy was using his power ring to hold up a force field, deflecting the machete blows harmlessly away.

"What in the name of God?" Beetle's jaw dropped.

"Jason _is_ real…" Fire blinked.

"Cool!" Booster grinned.

"_Booster!_" Beetle snapped.

"What're you three stooges standing around like retards for?" Guy roared at the three heroes loudly. "Give me a hand here!"

"Hang on, Guy!" Booster ran to his cabin. "Let me get my suit!"

"Oh for the love of God…" Guy groaned.

"Let me get my BB gun. Fire, you keep him distracted." Beetle ordered, racing into his cabin.

"Sure thing, cutie." Fire grinned. She transformed into her Fire form and took to the air. "Hey ugly!" Jason looked up, and the Brazilian blasted the undead killer with green flame. The flames pushed a grunting Jason back away from Guy and Ice.

"About friggin' time." Guy grumbled. Guy Gardner was not like other Green Lanterns. He didn't really like to use his ring to make constructs. He didn't mind if the situation forced him to, but in general, he liked to use his ring to blast stuff like it was a green ring-shaped laser cannon. However, there was one construct Guy _did_ like making: A pair of green metal spiked boxing gloves. He used his ring to form said constructs over his fists. Guy smirked at the gloves. "Oh yeah." He raced towards Jason and started pounding into him. "Hey psycho! Like my Mike Tyson impersonation?"

"Don't hog it all, Guy!" Ice snapped as she hit Jason in the side with an ice blast.

"Hang on, you guys!" Beetle ran out to the battle, carrying what looked like a futuristic blue cordless hair dryer. Booster flew out alongside him in his armour. He blasted Jason with golden energy beams, knocking Jason back a bit. "Back away from him!" The others did so. Beetle pointed the blue device at Jason. "Cover your eyes!" The other Superbuddies complied with Beetle's order. Jason lurched to his feet and charged at Beetle. Beetle fired the weapon. It created a huge blast of light, making Jason grunt and step back.

"Can't you put bullets in that gun like a _normal_ person?" Guy grumbled.

"I don't kill, Gardner." Beetle replied simply.

"Besides, Jason's been shot at, slashed at, and God knows what else in the movies. Always came back for more." Booster shrugged. "He's kind of unkillable that way."

"Guy, would you do the honors?" Beetle smirked. Guy smirked back. He walloped Jason in the jaw with his construct gloves, knocking him cold.

"That was easy." Guy smirked.

"I'd bet ol' Jason here never expected to face off against superheroes." Ice chuckled.

**That night**

The five Superbuddies sat around a campfire, roasting marshmallows. Hanging off a big branch of a nearby tree was Jason Vorhees. He was chained up from his shoulders to the toes, and he was grunting loudly and angrily.

"_Nnnnnnnn__! Nnnnnnnn!_"

"Ah _shaddap_" Guy laughed, pitching a small rock at Jason. It hit him right in the head. "Heh heh, stupid zombie."

"This is fun." Booster grinned as he roasted his marshmallow. "I've never done this before."

"You've never roasted marshmallows before?" Beetle blinked.

"I'm from the future. What do you expect?" Booster shrugged. He then slapped the back of his neck.

"Here, Michael." Fire handed Booster some insect repellent. "Spray this on you. It'll make the bugs go away."

"In my day, we never had to use this stuff on mosquitoes." Booster chuckled. "Whenever we saw mosquitoes in my time, we ran inside and hid."

"There's a lot of wusses in your time, Carter." Guy chuckled. "Running away from _mosquitoes?_" Booster shot Guy a "You-are-an-idiot" look.

"In my time, mosquitoes are really ravenous little jerks." Booster grumbled. "One of them can suck all the blood out of a human dry in just under a minute if you rile 'em up enough."

"My goodness!" Tora put her hand in front of her mouth.

"I'd like to see one of those future mosquitoes try to suck _me_ dry." Fire smirked before turning into her fiery green form. "I'm hot in more ways than one."

"Yeah, yeah." Ice rolled her eyes.

"Well, _this_ was one…interesting little camping trip." Beetle noted.

"I wonder if the rest of the League missed us?" Ice wondered.

**(1) - In the comics, Guy Gardner owns a bar called Warriors**

**_Next: More madness with the Superbuddies!_**


	5. Model Madness!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies!**

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Sidekick! Nice to hear from you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! R-Man and I were pitching around ideas for fics and all of a sudden, we came up with "Uncanny Superbuddies". R-Man and I co-write the fic, and it's a lot of fun. It's rather easy to portray these five: Beetle is the leader, Booster is the jock-type, Fire is the hot tamale (no pun intended), Ice is the sweetheart, and Guy is the arrogant jerk. They're fun to write, and I'm glad you think R-Man and I portray them well. Of **course** I had to bring Tora and Guy together! In JLU, Ice is alive and well, and Guy had yet to make an appearance. Enjoy the new chapter! _

_To Lamont Mallory: Hey there, Lamont! Nice to hear from you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I'm a big fan of your Kimiyo Hoshi/Dr. Light fic. It rocks! Beetle's a gentleman, what can I say? What did Booster do to make Dr. Light II smash Skeets? Well, I'll have Dr. Hoshi appear in the fic soon, and maybe she'll explain. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of your Dr. Light II fic!_

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Actually, what happened in that shower is really unknown. Don't count on either of them to say anything. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I'm really glad you liked this fic so far! I read the new chapter of "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter" and I loved it! Man, that fic raises a lot of questions, and the Creeper was hilarious! "Five more minutes, Ma"! Heh heh. Yeah, Poor Ted never gets a break with Bea. Well, it was a rather one-sided fight, an undead zombie versus five superheroes. Aw well, what can you do? They'll probably drop Jason off at the local police station or leave him tied up in the Batcave for some laughs. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter"!_

_To AnimationLasi: Hey there, __AL__! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Well, I was glad to mention you. Yeah, Fire and Beetle are rather cute together. Beetle doesn't dislike Fire, he just doesn't like her in the way she likes him. He thinks of her as a friend. Fire is seen sometimes in the background in JLU. In "The Doomsday Sanction", Batman shoved past Fire and Ice in one scene. Supergirl does rock. She was great in the first episode of JLU. For me, the highlight of "Once and Future Thing" was seeing a JLU version of Hal __Jordan__. That was awesome. Zombie torture is fun. I'll see what I can do. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Tides of Change"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Thanks for writing the last chapter! I'm glad you liked the fix-ups, additions, and ending I wrote! You rock, man! I could imagine Guy saying that whole "stupid zombie" comment. I'm a huge Simpsons fan myself. Don't worry, I'll have other Superbuddies members appear soon. In fact, one of the late 80s leaguers guest stars in this next chapter! I hope you like it! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to hear more from you!_

**Disclaimer: "Yeah, a really bad dream." - Stan Marsh, ****South ****Park**

**_Chapter 5: Model Madness!_**

**The Justice League Watchtower**

J'onn J'onnz, aka the Martian Manhunter, was sitting at his regular post in the Watchtower. He was coordinating activities among the various members of the League while they were out dealing with various criminals and disasters. Things were rather slow today. J'onn smiled at that. He took a blue package out from under his console and opened it. The package was revealed to contain black sandwich-like cookies with white cream centers.

"Mmmm…Chocos…" J'onn licked his lips. He discovered the wonderous Chocos while establishing a secret identity on Earth. Ever since, he craved them. He started scarfing down the cookies. He constantly had to hide them because Flash kept eating everything edible around him! Ah well, at least Superman and Wonder Woman didn't touch food that wasn't labeled as theirs. He heard humming. The Martian turned around and saw a very ecstatic-looking Fire. "Hello, Beatriz."

"I'm so happy!" Fire squealed, grabbing J'onn in a big hug. "Yay for me! I'm so happy!"

"I…see." J'onn noted. "What's gotten you into such a good mood?"

"I got a modeling job!" Fire squealed. J'onn smiled at his friend. Before her days as Fire, Beatriz Bonilla DaCosta worked as a supermodel, and as a government agent for her native Brazil. Fire never really stopped modeling. She continued it even after she gained her powers. She just never got too many chances to walk the runway due to her active superhero life.

"Well, that is very nice for you." J'onn nodded. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I got five tickets for the show." Fire explained. "I'm modeling swimsuits, and I can't let one go to waste."

"Who are you inviting?"

"I'm inviting Michael, Tora, and the ever-yummy Ted "Blue Beetle" Kord." Fire grinned.

"What about Guy?" J'onn blinked.

"Screw Guy!" Fire sniffed. "I don't want _him_ appearing and messing up _my_ big modeling show. You know how much of a letch he is." Fire sighed. "I love Tora like a sister, but by God, _how_ in the name of everything holy does she put up with that jerk?" J'onn could only shrug.

"Her patience amazes even me." J'onn admitted. "I always wondered how she does it. I do remember one time I did lose control around Gardner." The Martian sighed.

"It wasn't your fault, J'onn. Don't be hard on yourself." Fire reassured. "Everybody understood, and no one thought of you any less. Guy just has that effect on people. In fact, I got a good laugh that day…"

**The Watchtower, a week earlier**

"WHY YOU LITTLE-!" J'onn roared angrily as he grabbed Guy Gardner in a two-handed chokehold and started chocking the life out of him in front of all the shocked Leaguers in the cafeteria. J'onn started screaming and cursing in a Martian tongue.

"ACK ACK ACK!" Guy screamed.

"WHY! WON'T! YOU! _DIE?_" J'onn howled as he continued choking the life out of Guy.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Supergirl asked Green Arrow.

"Help Guy?" Green Arrow raised an eyebrow. The blonde teen Kryptonian scrunched her face.

"No. Help J'onn." Supergirl told the archer. Green Arrow shrugged.

"Nah, I think the Martian can handle this by himself." The archer chuckled. "C'mon everyone, let's go check out the Simpsons marathon in the Monitor Room!"

"**_YEAH!_**" The League ran out of the cafeteria, humming the Simpsons theme in unison.

**The Watchtower cafeteria, present day**

Blue Beetle sighed sadly as he raided the fridge. He pulled out his peanut butter jar…and found it empty.

"Dammit, Flash…" Beetle grumbled. "At least Superman has the decency to leave food that isn't his alone." He noticed a box of donuts that was labeled "W. West". The blue-suited inventor grinned evilly. "The doctor said I should watch my weight. But…" He took the box of donuts. "This _will_ be worth the extra pounds." He took the donuts and went over to the table he and Booster often sat at. Booster also happened to be eating another one of his notoriously monstrous sandwiches. "Hey Mike." Beetle tried not to vomit at the sight of the sandwich.

"Teddy m'man, what's up?" Booster grinned. "Guess who got fixed up!" A little golden robot with a red sensor eye floated up to the two heroes.

"Greetings."

"Hey, Skeets." Beetle chuckled. "Heard about your encounter with Kimiyo."

"That woman is nuts." Booster grumbled. "Cold-hearted, self-centered…"

"She's temperamental, Booster. And she can be arrogant. A lot of famous scientists are." Beetle defended. "Besides, mention kids around her, and she's actually worth having a conversation with."

"Mr. Kord, I suggest you look out to your left." Skeets warned. Beetle did so and he saw Fire dance in.

"Aw hell naw…" Beetle groaned. "I'm not here, Booster!" He quickly started to dive under the table.

"Booster!" Fire grinned as she ran up to the table. "I am in such a fantastic mood today!"

"Uh…" Booster blinked. Sneezing was heard from underneath the table.

"Aw, dammit!" Beetle grumbled. Fire grinned. She leaned down. "Stupid allergies."

"Hello, hot stuff." Fire grinned. "I have incredible news."

"You're pregnant?" Booster blinked. Fire shot a deadpan look at Booster.

"No." Fire said slowly. "Worry more about your sandwich than my health." Beetle got back up, on Booster's side. "Guess what, boys?"

"…I dunno." Booster shrugged.

"Did you change your hair?" Skeets asked.

"Get a new costume made?" Beetle offered. Fire snapped her fingers and pointed at Beetle.

"Close, cutie. I got a modeling job! Yahoo!" Fire whooped.

"Congratulations, Bea." Beetle smiled. "I know it's been difficult for you trying to get in some modeling work."

"Aww, you're sweet." Fire cooed. "You don't need to worry, stud. My pretty face will always be around when you want it."

"That would explain why you're so happy." Skeets added. "I'm happy for you."

"I'm going to be modeling swimwear!" Fire grinned. "It's going to be great!" She noticed Ice walk by. "Tora! Hey Tora! Guess what!" Beetle and Booster watched Ice and Fire talk. The two women then let out a huge squeal that rocked the Watchtower and started jumping up and down, talking all excited.

"Good Lord!" The armored Metropolis hero known as Steel yelped.

"Man, that's loud!" The Atlantean king known as Aquaman groaned.

"My ears…" One could hear Superman whimpering.

"Sure is loud." The shrinking hero known as the Atom remarked to the Flash.

"What?"

"Women appear to have very powerful screams." Skeets observed.

"No kidding." Beetle agreed.

"Hey Dorkweeds, what's going on?" Guy grinned as he walked up to them. He looked at Skeets. "Oh. You're back."

"Nice to meet you too, Guy." Skeets sighed.

"Heard about what happened with you and Hoshi." Guy snickered. "What happened? She didn't like your pickup lines?"

"Cold-hearted arrogant self-centered…" Booster muttered.

"I…don't think Booster is in the mood to talk about that." Beetle chuckled.

**Arkham**** Asylum, ****Gotham ****City**

Arkham Asylum. One of the most dark and foreboding places in the already infamously dark and morbid Gotham City. Arkham Asylum was a place that housed Gotham City's most infamous, dangerous, and psychotic criminals. One of those criminals was the notorious arsonist and pyromaniac known as Firefly.

"Fire…need fire…" Firefly mumbled as he rocked back and forth. He was in the cafeteria with the other inmates.

"There he goes again." Pamela Isley, the scientist/plant-controlling Poison Ivy groaned to Jervis Tetch, the "Alice in Wonderland"-themed nut called the Mad Hatter.

"You're telling me, my dear." Mad Hatter sighed. "I envy you. You don't have your cell next to his. His mumbling about fire constantly annoys me. Did Batman knock him stupid?"

"I don't think that's what Batsy intended." Poison Ivy rolled her eyes. "I'd rather be next to Firefly than Maxie Zeus. I heard him yakking about plans for Olympus in the next fiscal year."

"Good God…" Mad Hatter groaned. A TV started making an announcement. "Ivy, would you be so kind and turn it up?"

"Since you asked so nicely…" Ivy smirked. She took the remote and turned it up.

"Annie Lang Swimsuits have announced that they are going to get a very special gust helping model their new line: Brazilian beauty Beatriz DaCosta, the Justice League member known as Fire." The TV showed a picture of Fire in her human and fiery forms. Firefly looked up and his eyes glazed.

"I'm in love…" Firefly blinked.

"I could've been a model." Ivy sighed. "I could've been the next Vendela." Mad Hatter nodded. He remembered what Ivy did to the Joker when he cracked a joke about Ivy's secret aspiration. The Joker was the only person you wish _that_ fate on.

**_Next: More Model Madness!_**


	6. Bustin' Out!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yup, Fire is going to walk her beloved runway again. Yeah, she's going to try and flirt with Beetle some more. I thought the flashback would be good for some laughs. I think Fire kind of likes Beetle too. He's a nice guy, but he's a gentleman, so I bet he finds Fire's forwardness a little disconcerting, even though she doesn't intend to. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Dakyu: Hey there, Dakyu! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! R-Man and I co-write this story. In fact, he wrote most of this here chapter! I just fix up. I don't see many pure humor fics in the Justice League Cartoon myself. Downpour from "Ultimatum"? I loved that episode. I remember him! I'll see if I can do something with him down the line. Right now, I'm more interested in showcasing members of the old JLI/JLE. I agree, Downpour and Fire would make a very interesting team-up. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal Sidekick! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I thought it would be fun to show a little interaction between Fire and J'onn. Yeah, the flashback was great to write. Both R-Man and I are big Simpsons fans, so it just came to me. Guy's ticked off a lot of heroes in his time. Well, I don't think superheroes or superheroines ever truly grow up, therefore Fire and ice's little squealfest. Look at the Flash in JLU. Speaking of "one-punch", R-Man and I do want to pay tribute to a certain altercation between Batman and Guy. Enjoy the new chapter! _

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails" and "Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I hope you like what I did with what you wrote, man! It was real good! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read more from you!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I laughed myself while writing that flashback. Nothing good will come of Firefly's newfound obsession with Beatriz. A Fire/Volcana confrontation would rock. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter"!_

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to DC Comics. And here's your quote: "You'll shoot your eye out!"**

**_Chapter 6: Bustin' Out!_**

**Gotham Amphitheatre-**

The chauffeur-driven stretch limousine containing Fire and the other Justice Leaguers was on its way to the expansive Gotham Amphitheatre for Annie Lang's big show.

"Wow. That was some ride, Fire. Thanks." Blue Beetle grinned. The five Superbuddies and the Martian Manhunter were dressed in their Sunday finest. The boys wore tuxedos (except for Guy), and the girls wore dresses.

"But of course." Fire smiled. "Only the best for my friends." Ever-flamboyant, Fire was dressed in a low-cut flashy green dress.

"Tora, I feel like a nerd in this outfit." Guy complained. The Green Lantern was dressed in a cream-colored turtleneck sweater with a black business jacket over it and black slacks. "I look like one of Kord's buddies." Guy tugged at the neck of the sweater with his finger.

"Hey!" Beetle exclaimed. Ice smiled at the Lantern. She was clad in a glittery light blue dress that had a modest cut and long matching opera gloves.

"Well, _I_ think you look very handsome, Guy." Ice complimented with a smile. "You look very distinguished." Guy muttered as he tugged on his sweater.

"What's the matter, Guy? Can't take it?" Booster teased.

"You hate wearing those monkey suits too, Booster." Guy grumbled.

"Yeah, I do. But it's worth it. When you're as famous as I am, it's one of the requirements to wear nice clothes a lot." Booster shrugged. "I don't like tuxes, but I can deal with wearing one."

"You? Famous? HAW!" Guy snorted. "Half the people you meet think you're a Green Lantern!" Booster grunted angrily.

"I don't understand why they think that." Ice shook her head. "There's no green _anywhere_ on Booster's armour."

"Everybody who meets me appears to be green-gold colour-blind." Booster grumbled agitatedly.

"I've never rode in a limousine before." Beetle smiled. "This is nice."

"You own a company, and you don't have a limo. Good God…" Guy groaned.

"What?" Beetle shrugged. "I'm not much of a splurger."

"Too bad it wasn't just you and me in here." Fire smirked evilly at Beetle. "I'm sure you and I could've kept ourselves…occupied."

"Oh, man." Beetle moaned.

"J'onn, are you alright? You haven't spoken this entire trip." Ice asked with some concern. Sitting in the back was J'onn J'onnz. The Martian hero was disguised in a human form: brown hair, brown eyes, and in a tuxedo. He has very still and quiet the whole trip. He looked around outside and at the interior of the limousine.

"I am alright, Tora. You do not need to be concerned about me." J'onn smiled.

"You were very quiet this whole trip." Ice replied.

"He probably just was the Martian version of carsick." Guy groaned.

"Thank you for letting me accompany you, Fire." J'onn thanked with a nod.

"Certainly, J'onn." Fire smiled. "I thought you'd like to get out of that stuffy Watchtower for a while."

"Not to mention it's a great opportunity to learn about how humans interact." Beetle added.

"Hey, we're here!" Booster grinned as the limo slowed and he noticed the front of the Amphitheatre in his window. Once they disembarked from the limo, Fire led the others inside. With a quick flash of Fire's pass, the Justice Leaguers were able to get backstage.

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Booster looked like a little boy on Christmas. "We get to see models! Oh God, thank you thank you thank you!"

"Bring on the babes!" Guy grinned. "Black, white, Chinese, don't matter to me! The chicks all dig Guy Gardner!" Beetle watched the two and shook his head with a smile. Ice just rolled her eyes and followed Fire onwards. Guy groaned when he noticed this.

"Aww, c'mon Tora." Guy said as he followed the ice-manipulating white-haired woman. "You know that you're the only one for me. Unless you wanna bring Wonder Woman into this."

"Smooth, Gardner. Real smooth." Beetle mumbled under his breath. Booster just shook his head. Ice glared daggers at Guy, making the Green Lantern flinch noticeably.

"Not the face…" Guy winced, anticipating the impending slap upside the head.

"I'm not going to punch you in the face." Ice replied, her voice sweet as could be. Her face had a matching smile. Guy sighed in relief, only to get punched in the gut. Beetle, Fire, and Booster burst out laughing at that. J'onn smiled a little.

"_Oooh_" Guy wheezed as he doubled over. "That wasn't fair. Man down…"

"You're learning something important here, J'onn: What _not_ to do in a relationship." Beetle laughed.

"Indeed." J'onn chuckled.

"And here I was thinking that Tora was the sweet, innocent one." Fire snickered.

**Arkham Asylum-**

It was time for the Arkham inmates to go back to their cells. The guards were ushering them out of the rec room back towards their cells.

Garfield Lyons, aka the pyromaniac Firefly, had been especially twitchy ever since he had seen Beatriz DaCosta on the news. Firefly had fallen head over heels with the Justice Leaguer ever since she had appeared on television in her fiery form.

_What a woman…_Firefly smiled goofily.

"C'mon Lyons, get a move on." A guard said as he pushed Firefly into his cell. "Fun's over for today."

"You can't keep me from my love!" Suddenly, Firefly leapt at the guard, pulled out the guard's Billy club, and bashed him on the head with it, knocking him out. Seeing his actions, the other Arkham inmates followed suit and fell upon the guards with furious abandon. Firefly took this distraction to make his escape. Beatriz DaCosta would be his!

**Back at the amphitheatre-**

Fire's teammates had taken their seats in a private skybox while they waited for the show to start. Guy was still pouting from the punch to the gut that Ice had given him earlier.

"Nnnuh…" Guy sat on a comfy chair, rubbing his stomach.

"Who knew Ice could hit so hard?" Beetle chuckled. He was sampling some of the buffet table. J'onn was standing at a window alongside Ice, looking down at the crowd.

"So many people…" J'onn noted. Ice nodded.

"There sure are. Oh, this is going to be so much fun." Ice grinned. "We get to see Fire on the job." Booster Gold wasn't too happy, which was indicated by the way he stomped into the skybox. He had tried to buy some beer from the theatre's bar and it turned out that it was a little too expensive for his taste.

"Eight bucks for a beer!" The glory seeking hero form the future muttered. "What evil degenerate piece of crap would charge eight bucks for beer? It's a conspiracy I tells ya! At least Gardner here charges only fifty cents a shot at Warriors!"

"Hey, my bar's a real hot-spot." Guy smirked.

"J'onn, do us all a favour, would you?" Beetle sighed tiredly, pinching his nose. J'onn J'onzz nodded in reply. He placed a hand to Booster's temple and used his telepathy to calm Booster down. Booster grunted slightly as he slumped back into his seat. "Ah, the pleasures of silence." Beetle sighed happily.

"As much as I dislike using my powers on teammates, that was awfully fun." J'onn chuckled.

"You would like that." Guy muttered. He suddenly found himself in Dreamland.

"Thank you, J'onn." Beetle smiled.

"Hey, you guys! It's starting!" Ice whooped.

**_Next: Infestation!_**


	7. Infestation!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Poor Guy. He just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut sometimes. I never imagined anyone thinking of Booster as a puppy dog. Yeah, I have to agree with you. Fire does have some taste. Beetle's a good guy. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Warning: The Pool is Contaminated", and "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter"!_

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, Guy really did it that time. Who knew **Ice** of all people had such a mean gut shot? Oh, you're definitely going to enjoy the new chapter! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! For some odd reason, I can see you doing that with the Martian Manhunter's powers if you had them. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, Guy torture is a lot of fun. I'm glad you liked seeing Fire and Ice's dresses. I think they're pretty too. Oh yeah, Firefly's gonna get his. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To AnimationLasi: Hey there, __AL__! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! The girl who got choked out by GL alongside Firefly was named Volcana. As for Guy coming, Ice probably offered to keep him out of trouble, which she did pretty well with that gut shot. Yeah, that Booster thing is very funny. I'll see if I can include a drunken Martian Manhunter. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Tides of Change"!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Oh yeah, J'onn J'onzz rocks. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout", and "Gifts and Curses"!_

**Disclaimer: "I'm ants in a picnic." - Brian the Dog, Family Guy**

**_Chapter 7: Infestation!_**

**Gotham**** Amphitheater**

The Annie Lang swimsuit show was going on in full swing. And four B-list superheroes got a fantastic view thanks to a skybox. The four heroes were: Ted Kord, aka Blue Beetle, a genius inventor. Michael Jon Carter, aka Booster Gold, a golden armor-wearing superhero who came from the future to find fame and fortune. Tora Olafsdotter, aka Ice, a Norwgeian mystical princess who had the power to create ice and snow. Lastly, Guy Gardner, a member of the Green Lantern Corps. With them was J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, an alien powerhouse. J'onn was using his shape-shifting powers to assume the form of a normal human.

"Wow. Some of those swimsuits are cute." Tora smiled.

"I…do not quite understand why they are reacting like that." J'onn pointed at Booster and Guy with his thumb.

"Because they're girl-obsessed pea-brains." Beetle snickered. Guy and Booster were scrunched up against the windows, big happy grins on their faces.

"Me happy…" Guy drooled.

"Me so happy too…" Booster agreed. "I just had an awesome idea!"

"What?" Guy wondered.

"I'll start a modeling agency!" Booster grinned. "Yeah! Bea will be my first client! Before we know it, we'll be swimming in cold hard cash! I could get a solid gold Lamborghini!"

"You had one for ten seconds when you stole the Huntress's Lamborghini." Beetle remembered.

"I didn't know it was hers!" Booster exclaimed in his own defense.

"Mike. She left two sticky notes on the windshield, that had written in English and in Italian, and verbatim: 'Booster Gold, you lay one finger on this car, and I will shoot you in the ass with my crossbow and that will be only the beginning'." Beetle groaned. "Besides, the car was _purple and black!_ Who else uses that color scheme, Nightwing?" Booster shrugged.

"I didn't see any notes on any windshield! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!"

"You should have Ice model too." Guy added with a smirk, completely ignoring the Huntress and the golden Lamborghini. "I'd love to see her on a billboard wearing next to nothing."

"GUY!" Ice exclaimed in embarrassment. A model with a rather revealing blue-and-white bikini with fur lining strutted out onto the runway.

"Daaaaaaamn…" Guy's jaw dropped. He then whooped. "Hey Tora, I'm getting you _that_ swimsuit for the summer!"

"Oh, my…" Ice blushed when she saw the bikini-clad model. "That outfit is a little…revealing. And I don't think fur is very good to have on a swimsuit."

"Nothing wrong with that." Guy smirked.

"I don't think they intend anyone to actually do any swimming in those swimsuits." Beetle quipped. "I wonder when Fire's coming out."

"I think they're, as Bea would say, saving the best for last." Ice chuckled.

"If they're putting this on TV, I hope they have at least a five-second delay." Booster joked. "We all know about Fire's little…problem with clothes." Guy guffawed at that.

"Nothing wrong with that." Guy laughed.

"Here she comes!" Booster grinned. Fire strutted out in a green bikini covered in emeralds. She seemed to really enjoy the attention.

_Okay, I admit it. I love it when people look at me._ Fire thought.

"Those gems must be worth a fortune!" Booster drooled. The Superbuddies and J'onn cheered for their teammate. However, they didn't realize that they weren't the only one watching Bea. Up on the rafters, Firefly, clad in his uniform and arson gear, was sitting, staring at Fire.

"She's so beautiful…" Firefly thought out loud. "What a woman…" Bea continued her strut. She saw her friends waving in the skybox. The green-haired model struggled not to laugh at Guy holding up a sign that said 'BRING OUT THE CHICKS NAKED'. The struggle got harder when she saw Ice snatch the sign and whack Guy upside the head with it. She blew a kiss and winked at Beetle.

"Oh, man…" Beetle moaned. Firefly fumbled with a note.

"Okay, let's see if she'll like this poem." He then started to read it out loud, but he didn't realize that he was reading a little too loud. "ROSES ARE RED, KIBBLES AND BITS, I LOVE BEA DACOSTA, ESPECIALLY HER HUGE FIERY-!"

"**_HEY!_**" Bea roared indignantly. "WHO WAS THE PERVERT WHO SAID THAT?"

"Uh oh…" Firefly blinked.

"Hey, who is that?" Beetle pointed at a figure in the rafters. J'onn's eyes glowed as he used his telepathy to enter the figure's mind.

"Firefly." The Martian replied simply.

"Isn't he one of Batman's little punks?" Guy growled.

"Yeah." Beetle nodded. "I thought he was locked in Arkham along with Gotham's other psychos."

"They break out of that place every ten seconds." Booster rolled his eyes.

"I can't complain. Firefly has good taste." Guy smirked.

"Guy!" Tora exclaimed.

"What?" Guy blinked.

"Heh heh. You suck, Gardner." Booster snickered.

"Time to go to work." Firefly took to the air on his jetpack and checked his fire gun. The audience screamed and scattered.

"Hey!" Fire exclaimed. "I appreciate the complimenting of my boobs, but _no one_ messes up a modeling show that features Beatriz Bonilla DaCosta!" Bea transformed into her fiery form.

"Alright! About time a fight started! Let's party!" Guy's power ring glowed and it transformed his clothes into his distinctive Green Lantern uniform. J'onn transformed into his Martian Manhunter form.

"I packed our costumes in the back of the limo, just in case! C'mon!" Beetle waved. He, Ice, and Booster ran out of the skybox.

"We don't need them to take care of that clown, right J'onn?" Guy smirked. J'onn observed Fire and Firefly performing a Top Gun-worthy dogfight.

"I read Firefly's thoughts, Guy." J'onn told the Green Lantern. "Apparently, the pyromaniac has developed a romantic attraction to Beatriz."

"You sayin' he got a crush on her?" Guy blinked in disbelief. J'onn nodded. "Friggin' wonderful."

"You don't understand, Bea!" Firefly exclaimed as he dodged several green fireballs. "I'm a fan!"

"Some fan!" Fire snapped. "You wrecked my show, you creep! COME BACK HERE!" Firefly dodged several more fireballs. Fire cursed a little in Portuguese **(A/N: Allow me to explain. Fire is from ****Brazil****. The official language of ****Brazil**** is Portuguese.)**.

"AGH!" Firefly flew into a wall of green energy.

"Hey, jackass! Heads up!" Guy called. Firefly looked up, only to get hit in the face by J'onn. The pyromaniac managed to recover in midair, and he fired a stream of flame from his gun. J'onn and Guy dodged the blast.

"I thought you feared flame, Martian." Guy blinked in confusion.

"I conquered that fear thanks to an…incident **(1)**." J'onn replied.

"You suck! Hahahahahahahaha!" Firefly teased. "AGH!" He got hit by a snowball. He looked down and saw Ice standing on the ground, in costume. Next to her was Blue Beetle in costume.

"You should've stayed in Arkham, Firefly!" Ice yelled. She threw several icicles at Firefly.

"Hey! Watch it! You nearly clipped my wings!" Firefly yelled. "Yipe!" He barely dodged some golden energy blasts.

"That's my job!" Booster Gold yelled as he swooped down on Firefly like a golden bird of prey. Booster's charge was stopped by a blast of flame to the chest. "Hey!"

"That's it!" Firefly grumbled. He pulled out several small silver orbs from a pocket in his suit. He threw the orbs into the air. They exploded, creating huge blasts of flame.

**(1) - In "Uncanny Justice League", A battle with the pyromaniac Scorch caused J'onn to overcome his fear of fire.**

**_Next: Burning Up The Night!_**


	8. Burning up the Night!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**L1701E**

**And**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Told you! How does Guy balance being a devoted boyfriend and a big letch at the same time? I don't know. I'm glad you liked all the hilarious moments in the last chapter. Yeah, you gotta love Fire. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Haretrigger: Hey there, Hare! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked all the funny moments, including the little commentary by Booster on Arkham. I see you are a big Fire fan. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Thesis of a Black-Winged Angel"!_

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Who can blame Booster and Guy, huh? Yeah, you have to admit, Guy's eyes (and hand) may wander, but his heart always stays in one place. You are going to **love** this battle! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "Tales from the Magic Roundabout", and "Gifts and Curses"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I was glad to fit the little poem. It was easy to fit in, anyway. I hope you like the fixes and changes I made! Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Well then, hit _him_, not me!" - Mel Gibson as Capt. Riggs, Lethal Weapon 4**

**_Chapter 8: Burning up the Night!_**

**Gotham City-**

The wall of the Gotham Amphitheatre exploded outwards, making any and all pedestrians who happened to be outside scream in fear and scramble for cover. The arsonist known as Firefly strode out of the hole left in the wall. He stopped and looked around at the fear-struck Gothamites before him.

"So many things to burn…and so little precious time." Firefly chuckled to himself. "Better get started." And with that, Firefly started to have a little fun. He turned his flamethrowers on a parked car, igniting its fuel tank in a huge ball of fire. "_Bwahahahaaa_"Firefly laughed maniacally. "Burn, baby, burn! WHOOOOOOO! I FEEL LIKE ELVIS AT A CLAMBAKE!" He then started singing the Elvis song 'Viva Las Vegas' as he fired his flamethrower randomly in the air.

"Not so fast, Sparky." An accented voice replied. "Nobody…and I mean, _NOBODY_, ruins my fashion show and gets away with it!" Firefly turned to see and extremely pissed off Fire fly out of the amphitheatre.

"Wait! Fire! I can explain! Please! Bea, honey…" Firefly began to babble, only to be cut off by a burst of green flame from the Brazilian superhero.

"Don't you _Bea honey_ me, you little pervert!" Fire snarled as she hurled more emerald fireballs at Firefly. "I'd been looking forward to this show for weeks! My many fans were waiting for the day when I would grace the runway again! I was giving them their reward for their patience, when you, you pathetic little man, had to show up and screw everything up!"

"I did it because I love you." Firefly said innocently. "Bea, I love you!"

"Normal stalkers would send flowers." Fire hissed angrily. "They wouldn't set the damn fashion show alight!" Firefly was blown off his feet as Fire blasted him with yet another ball of fire. Back at the amphitheatre, the rest of the Superbuddies watched the battle with something akin to abject horror.

"Shouldn't somebody stop them before any innocent people get hurt?" Beetle asked, blinking.

"Hell, no!" Guy Gardner replied as he helped himself to some beer from an upturned refreshment cart. "I'm just gonna watch this! This rocks!" Guy guzzled down the beer, and then crushed the can with his forehead.

_"Guy!_" Ice hissed in a warning tone. "Fire is our friend. We have to help her." Guy winced at his girlfriend's tone of voice. He still hadn't got over that gut shot she gave him earlier.

"Yeah, yeah. All right." Guy sighed. "I'll go help." A green glow appeared around Guy as he flew out of the amphitheatre to try and help Fire.

"That guy is _so_ whipped." Booster snickered.

"Not now, Booster." Beetle told the gold-armoured blond flatly.

"Alright, alright. Sheesh." Booster rolled his eyes.

"J'onn, are you okay?" Beetle asked a recovering J'onn J'onnz.

"I am fine, thank you." J'onn replied. The Martian hero then put his hand to his forehead. "I am just trying to calm the pedestrians so nobody is hurt."

"I'll put out these fires, then." Ice added as she used her ice powers to douse the flames. "We don't want them to get out of control."

"Good move, Ice." Beetle nodded.

"Man, this is pay-per-view kind of stuff. Can I sit here and watch?" Booster asked hopefully as he pulled up a chair and munched on some popcorn. Beetle just shot his teammate with a glare.

"Booster…" He warned. With a groan, Booster got up and threw his popcorn aside.

"Jawohl!" Booster replied as he clicked his heels and gave Beetle a salute.

"Very funny, Booster!" Beetle snapped.

"I know." Booster laughed cheekily. And with that, the Superbuddies went about their jobs. Guy and Fire were taking on Firefly. J'onn was trying to calm the pedestrians while Ice and Booster put out the fires. Beetle just pulled up a chair and sat back to watch the show.

"Ahh, it's easy being the boss." The inventor sighed to himself with a smile. "Don't want to aggravate my heart too much." He put his hands behind his head and smiled. His eyes then snapped open. "Oh God…I _am_ the boss! Oh, dear God!" Over with the fight, Firefly let rip with a blast of fire from his flamethrowers, trying to get himself some room. Guy projected a force field just in time to protect himself, but Fire didn't need to protect herself as her fiery form could handle whatever Firefly could throw at her.

"Is that all you got, ya big pansy? HAW!" Guy challenged as he lashed out with an emerald energy blast from his power ring. "My great aunt can fight better than you and she's dead!"

"I could say the same to you, pal." Firefly replied as he torched a petrol tanker, sending it up in flames. The concussion from the blast caught Guy unawares, sending him crashing through a shop window.

"AGH!" Guy yelled as he went through the window. Luckily, his power ring protected him from any damage caused by glass shards and other debris. "Agh…Oh God, what did I just land in?"

"_Guy!_"Ice screamed in horror. "You lunatic! If you've hurt him…"

"I'm okay…" Guy called from the shop.

"You don't scare me." Firefly laughed arrogantly. "My armour can take anything you clowns can throw at me! Besides, I've heard of you all. You're all stupid B-Listers! I am invincib… _Ahh_" Firefly was knocked off his feet by a blast from Beetle's BB gun.

"B-Listers? I beg to differ!" Blue Beetle laughed. "Sorry for the wait, guys." Beetle waved at his teammates. "I got bored sitting around."

"Yeah, the Nerd Bug gets to sit around." Guy grumbled as he got to his feet. He wiped some stuff off his uniform and looked at it. "This had better not be what I think it is!"

"Let's get this freak's helmet off!" Fire snarled, her infamous temper getting the better of her.. "I want to see the ugly little face of the pervert that ruined my show!"

"Allow me, Beatriz." J'onn said as he grabbed hold of Firefly's helmet and yanked it off with one swift pull. He then turned to Firefly's flamethrowers. The Martian pulled the gas tanks off his back and tossed them over his shoulder.

"EEEEEEK!" Firefly screeched in a high-pitched voice. The insane arsonist tried to scramble away, but he found himself surrounded by the Superbuddies. They all glared down at him. "P-P-Please…" Firefly begged. "D-don't hurt me. I-I only wanted to get Bea's attention. Please!"

"Well, you've got it now!" Fire hissed. "What do you want? And don't you even _dare_ saying that you love me. Okay, I admit, I was honoured at first…"

"No surprise." Booster rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Booster!" Fire snapped. "As I was saying, but everything kind of went downhill from there. What with the arson and massive property damage and everything."

"But Bea…" Firefly replied. "You and I were made for each other. We are both children of the flame. We are fated to be together. Come with me and we can make beautiful fiery music together."

_You know, that would be poetic…if it wasn't so…pathetic._ Beetle thought. Fire just sneered in disgust and turned her back on Firefly.

"Get this freak out of my sight." She sneered. "God, I need to hit something."

"Umm… Bea? We've still got Firefly." Ice added. "I guess you could hit him if you want." Fire's eyes gained an evil sparkle.

"NEYARGH!" Fire screeched as she ran toward Firefly and started choking the life out of him. "I WANT YOU TO DIE, YOU WORTHLESS MORON!" Booster and Beetle moved to pry her off the scared arsonist.

"Haw!" Guy snickered. "Looks like Tora's got a mean streak after all."

"You'd better believe it, buster." Ice said to Guy. "If I get any more lip from you, you'll get something a little worse than a gut shot."

"Dude, you are so gonna get it when we get back to the Watchtower." Booster snickered.

"Up yours, Carter." Guy sneered, flipping Booster off. With that, the 'Buddies decided to return to the amphitheatre and try to salvage the rest of the fashion show. Knelt high above their heads, unseen by the Superbuddies, a certain Dark Knight watched the events below him through narrowed eyes. There were other heroes in _his_ city poaching _his_ villains. The Superbuddies would definitely hear about this once he returned to the Watchtower…

TBC… 


	9. Confrontation!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies!**

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal Sidekick! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I agree with you. Nobody messes up a fashion show that features Fire and comes back alright. Poor Guy. All the man wanted was a beer. R-Man wrote that chapter and I just modified it and fixed it up. I thought it would be funny for Beetle to notice that he seems to be the one who leads that bunch. I agree. Guy Gardner leading would be very scary. It should be obvious what Guy landed in. Personally, I plan to have Beetle use more gadgets and devices. He didn't have a lot in the comics. Even the sweet-hearted Tora "Ice" Olafsdotter has a mean streak. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I was very glad to fix it up and add some stuff. I had some ideas for extra lines and stuff. Well, let us find out what Batman has to say to our favorite quintet of heroes, shall we? Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read new chapters from you!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout", and "Gifts and Curses"!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba Aulbath! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, Firefly is a goofball. His poem to Bea was something that came from the top of my head. I agree. Somehow, the poor Blue Beetle ended up becoming leader of that bunch. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Warning: the Pool is Contaminated" and "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter"!_

_To AnimationLasi: Hey there, __AL__! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Fire is essentially a green female Human Torch in her fiery form. As for bringing her in, why not introduce her as a relation of Roberto DaCosta/Sunspot. Possibly an older cousin. I'm glad you liked the insanity! Batman has never really liked other heroes in his city in the comics. "Uncanny Superbuddies" doesn't follow JLU continuity. It follows Uncanny R-Man's story "Uncanny Justice League". Huntress is still a member here. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Tides of Change"!_

**Disclaimer: "I am _not_ Green Lantern!" - Booster Gold, JLU**

**Warning: All opinions of Guy Gardner's do not reflect those of the author.**

**_Chapter 9: Confrontation!_**

**The Justice League Watchtower**

Several days had passed since the incident with the insane arsonist Firefly wrecking the fashion show, and really enraging one Beatriz Bonilla DaCosta, the green-haired, fire-wielding, Brazilian model/superheroine known as Fire. Of course, she and her four friends: Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Ice, and Guy Gardner, with a little help from J'onn J'onnz, managed to take him down. Speaking of Beetle, Booster, and Guy, the three heroes were sitting at a table in the Watchtower's cafeteria. The cafeteria was one of the central socialization areas of the large space station.

"This is boring!" Guy grumbled as he got up. "I'm getting me something to eat." The Green Lantern grumbled as he got to his feet.

"Mm-hmm. Good for you." Beetle mumbled. He was fussing over some device. It seemed to be a handheld device that looked like his namesake: A little blue beetle. Booster looked up from his copy of a celebrity magazine.

"What's that?" Booster asked the inventor, pointing at the device. "I think they already invented that."

"Not this particular model." The inventor smirked. "I got inspired by Star Trek."

"Oh, that show is a _classic_ in my time. All forty series." Booster grinned. He then scrunched his face. "That seems rather…geeky of you to find inspiration in that show."

"I am a geek, and proud of it." Beetle said simply, not even looking up at Booster. "I've been doing some thinking about my heroic profile."

"About time!" Booster grinned. "About freakin' time! You know, that's what we should do! We should try and make ourselves more well-known amongst the people! I mean, look at us! We're certainly photo-worthy!"

"That wasn't what I meant, Mike." Beetle said. "I was thinking of taking a couple cues from Batman."

"You mean becoming a brooding jerk?" Beetle scrunched his face.

"No, Mike." Beetle shook his head. "I'm thinking putting more stuff in my arsenal. I mean, all I have is the BB Gun, which is essentially a strobe light with a trigger, a grappling hook, and the Bug. Look at all the stuff Batman uses: Batarangs, the Batmobile, the Batmobile, the Bat-"

"So?" Booster sneered. "Your Bug has stuff the Batmobile only has in its wet dreams." Beetle shrugged.

"Yeah, but I'm just saying that I think I should have a bigger arsenal. I certainly can invent some new stuff." The inventor shrugged. "Like this little gadget I created. It's a scanning device, much like a tricorder WAH!" Beetle suddenly found a certain green-haired woman on him. "Hi, Bea." He said flatly.

"Hey, good-looking." Fire grinned, sitting down. "I went shopping!" She held up a couple big shopping bags.

"Looks like Fire is getting over her little issue with Firefly." Booster joked.

"I got some cute new outfits!" Fire grinned happily. "Ted…" She shot a cute look at Beetle. "Maybe you can be a dear a little later and help me try them on." The model gave the inventor's leg a little squeeze. Beetle fell backwards, making Booster laugh.

"Hey Bea? Where's Tora?" Booster laughed.

"She's in France." Bea shrugged. "Girl loves to travel. That was one of the reasons why she joined the League. Oh, and she said she would take Skeets with her, Booster. She wanted to show him the world outside the Watchtower."

"That's cool." Booster shrugged.

"I heard France is lovely this time of year." Beetle blinked as he got back to his seat.

"Speaking of France…" Booster snickered as a grumbling Guy returned to the table, carrying a tray that had a hamburger on it. "Hey Gardner, tell Bea about the night in jail you spent in France."

"I hate Farbucks." Guy groused.

"Farbucks? You mean that coffee shop chain? They're everywhere." Beetle blinked.

"Yeah, they serve all those fancy-flavored pansy coffees." Guy nodded. "I heard on TV they want to put one up here."

"Well, we _do_ drink a lot of coffee here. And who wouldn't want to be known as the official coffee providers of the Justice League?" Beetle shrugged.

"Yeah, but all those flavored coffees are for wusses! Especially French Vanilla. I hate the French! I'm flamin' glad they didn't invent French fries!" Guy growled.

"In my time, France got nuked off the face of the Earth." Booster shrugged. "No one missed it. All that lived there were mutant horses…and French people."

"Looks like your time had _some_ sense." Guy nodded.

"Speaking of France, guess why Guy had to spend a night in jail there?" Beetle asked Bea.

"I didn't see what the big deal was!" Guy shrugged his shoulders. "All I did was beat up some French people! I mean, since when was it considered illegal to beat up French people?" Guy didn't seem to notice that behind him, the French superheroine known as the Crimson Fox was trying to go for his throat, but Stargirl, Supergirl, and Big Barda were holding her back, and dragging the cursing and screaming Crimson Fox away.

"Oh gee, I don't know. Maybe it was because you beat up a bunch of French people _in __France_" Beetle snapped. Guy shrugged.

"Details, details…"

"Ahem." A voice said. The four turned and saw the Dark Knight himself, the Batman, standing at their table, cowled face showing absolutely no emotion.

"Ooh boy." Booster gulped nervously, tugging at the collar of his costume. "Heh heh…Hi, Batman…"

"Oh, no…" Beetle mumbled quietly. "This is about Firefly. I just know it."

"I heard about that incident a couple days ago with Firefly." Batman told the four Superbuddies simply. He narrowed his eyes. "One of you is missing."

"Ice is not here. She's out." Beetle gulped.

"Don't kill us!" Booster whimpered as he dove under the table. "If he can't see me, he can't hurt me…"

"She's in France sightseeing with Skeets." Fire explained.

"Why the hell would Tora be in France? Nothing there but wimps and frog legs." Guy grumbled. "And why the hell are you here, Batman? Don't you have a cave to stake out?"

"I only wish to congratulate you." Batman said, his monotone voice being maintained perfectly. The other Superbuddies blinked.

_Something's wrong here._ Beetle thought. _Batman **never** congratulates people._

_His jaw reminds me of Bruce Wayne. I don't know why._ Fire noted mentally. _But that __Wayne__ is a hottie._

_I'm too young to die…_ Booster whimpered mentally.

_God, I hate Batman…And I love beer._ Guy mentally said. "What's going on here? You never congratulate or thank anyone."

"I'm just telling you." Batman said. "Congratulations on catching Firefly. It's a real pity you all had to wreck half of _my_ city in the process!"

"Well, we didn't _intend_ to go down there to bust Firefly." Beetle tried to defend himself.

"Yeah!" Fire added. "Firefly started it! I was doing a fashion show down in Gotham, and that damn psycho cam out of nowhere and tried to roast us!"

"And you're going to _love_ the reason why he did it." Beetle sighed.

"Yeah! Fire nodded. "He did it because he had a thing for me!"

"Make the big scary bat go away…" Booster whimpered.

"Aw, _come on!_" Guy yelled under the table at Booster. "You wimp! Your suit gives you powers! Geez!" Batman glared at Guy. The Green Lantern just glared right back.

"As I was saying, you had caused a lot of damage to Gotham."

"We didn't cause it all, you jerk! We're not perfect like you think you are!" Guy snapped. It was common knowledge that the Lantern and the Dark Knight did not get along.

"We had to stop him before he ended up killing somebody!" Beetle tried to defuse the situation. "Look, Batman. We were only there to cheer on Fire. We had no idea that Firefly was going to attack. We had to stop him once he did." Batman nodded. He had to admit, the Blue Beetle had a point. It was obvious the inventor was the brains of that bunch.

"Fine." Batman nodded. He turned and began to walk away.

"Hey Batman!" Guy yelled angrily. "What right do you have to order _us_ around like that?"

"For the love of God, shut up Guy!" Booster whimpered. Guy got up.

"Hey nerd! Hold my ring!" Guy took off his ring and gave it to Beetle.

_I wonder if these things come in blue?_ Beetle wondered as he looked at the ring.

"Guy, are you nuts? What the hell are you-" Beetle started to snap.

"I'm gonna give Bat-Jerk over there a piece of my mind!" Guy snapped, starting to go after Batman. "Hey Bat-Dork! I wanna talk to you!" Batman stopped.

"Oh, this'll be good." Fire whipped out a digital camera and started recording the upcoming fight.

"What do you want, Gardner?" Batman asked flatly, not even bothering to turn around.

"What right do you have to order us around?" Guy snapped angrily. "Just because you're one of the so-called 'A-List' Leaguers, that does _not_ give you the right to tell us what to do! We came to Gotham just to have some fun, until that damned fire-happy jackass Firefly showed up! If it weren't for us, the damage would've been a lot worse and people probably would have _died!_ You may not have powers, but that does **not** give you the right to treat all of us like garbage! We're here for the same reasons you are, to do some damn **_good_** for the world!" A crowd had started to gather.

"Why did the Guardians choose you again?" Batman asked.

"They chose me because they knew I could do the damn job! That's why, you arrogant ass!" Guy yelled. "Let's settle this like men!" Guy put up his fists. "What's the matter? Too chicken?" Guy sneered. "That's what I thought! You ain't a man! You're a punk! What's the matter, can't settle things like a man? I thought so! What's the matter? You didn't get hugged enough as a child?" Guy started mocking Batman. Booster peeked up to see the argument. "Wah, wah! I'm the big bad Batman! I'm so angry and dark because my mommy and daddy didn't hug me enough! Wah wah wah! Cry us all a river, you big fat arrogant piece of batsh-!" The next few seconds seemed to pass by very slowly. In front of a shocked Justice League, Batman whipped around, and nailed Guy right in the jaw with a hard right cross. Spit flew right from Guy's mouth and his eyes crossed.

"Oh my God!" Fire's jaw dropped.

"TIMBER!" Booster yelled as Guy went down. For a few minutes, the Watchtower was silent in shock. And then, the cafeteria erupted in laughter.

"Oh…my…God!" Fire stared and pointed her camera at an unconscious Guy. Booster and Beetle laughed.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?" Booster howled.

"ONE PUNCH! ONE PUNCH!" Beetle yelled, laughing. He and Booster high-fived.

**_Next: More Madness with the Superbuddies!_**


	10. Superbuddies International!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**And**

**L1701E**

_To dswynne__: Hey there, dswynne! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Well, this fic is a spinoff of Uncanny R-Man's fic "Uncanny Justice League". Since I had Hawkgirl appear in Chapter 1, I can say that they're set after "Wake the Dead". I like that idea, but I'm not really into X-Files. My dad is. Yeah, I think Galatea is the closest we'll get to Power Girl in JLU. Oh, well. R-Man and I aren't exactly following JLU continuity either. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal Sidekick! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked all the insanity! I thought it would be funny to see Guy insult __France__ in front of the Crimson Fox, considering she's French and all. Too bad both of them are dead in the comics, because I'd love to see their reaction to the anti-French hysteria going on over the past couple years. Yeah, Guy doesn't know Batman's identity or story, but that didn't matter here. A guy doesn't go around insulting another guy's parents, living or dead. It's especially a touchy subject for Batman. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Lee: Hey there, Lee! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, I like Booster, too. He's so funny and goofy. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I wanted to pay tribute to the Justice League comics. This story is set in JLU the cartoon, not the comics. In the cartoon, watchtower scenes often show characters who are dead in the comics, like Vibe, Commander Steel, Ice, Crimson Fox, etc. On episode starred the original Hawk and Dove, but they're both dead in the comics. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Alba Aulbath: Hey there, Alba! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I thought the "One Punch" scene was fun to write. I thought it'd be great to see on JLU. I did see that episode with Captain Marvel, and I loved it! No Captain Marvel (Captain Whitebread, heh heh), but one of the Marvel Family does__ appear here! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Running a __Marathon__ on Jupiter", and "Warning: The Pool is Contaminated"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! The "One Punch" scene was fun to write. I hope you like what I did with your chapter here! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I read the new chapter of "Gifts and Curses", and I loved it! The scene between Bobby and Piotr was very nice. Man, Rogue is harsh on him. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can't wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout", and "Gifts and Curses"!_

_To Doza: Hey there, Doza! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! The story is on my page, but R-Man does write some chapters. I, L1701E, do the odd-numbered chapters, and R-Man does the even-numbered ones. I also beta-read for errors and fix up some stuff. Neither he nor I came up with "Superbuddies". It's been used in the comics. Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Two wrongs make a right." - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons**

**_Chapter 10: Superbuddies International!_**

**Justice League Watchtower**

Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, and the rest of the Superbuddies were sat around the big table that the League used for meetings. Superman had called them together for something important.

"I bet that jerk Batman had a word in the Boy Scout's ear." Guy muttered to himself. "It ain't enough that the Bat-Dope sucker-punches me, now he's gonna fire me from the frickin' League. Screw it! I'm not gonna let him get the chance! I quit!"

"Guy…" Ice said calmly. "We don't know that we've been called here about that. Superman could have an important mission for us."

"Yeah, Guy. Let's not jump the gun." Fire agreed, filing her nails.

"At least we're getting some recognition at last." Beetle added. "Now we're going to get some screen time instead of lurking in the background."

"About friggin' time." Booster grumbled. "My profile could use some improving. Not that it's great already." The quintet of heroes all turned as one as Superman and J'onn J'onzz walked into the room.

"Sorry for the wait, everybody." Superman apologised. "J'onn and I just had a few things to finalize."

"Yeah." Guy snorted, crossing his arms. "Like my severance package."

"No, we're not expelling you from the league, Guy." Superman replied. "Even though it was wrong of you to pick a fight with Batman, you brought up several valid points. Now, down to business…" Superman and J'onn sat down at the table. "J'onn and I both know that you have all been disappointed by the lack of action that you have seen with the League."

"And how." Booster snorted. "We never get any decent missions. We just get lumbered with crappy escort missions and monitor duty."

"Except for that time we saved your life from that kryptonite-delivering nanobot, we hardly see any action." Beetle nodded in agreement. **(1)**

"Quite." Superman replied. "Well, J'onn and I have come up with a solution to your problem. You two can start to think of this as my way of thanking you for saving my life." He pointed at Booster and Beetle. "We want you to start an International branch of the Justice League."

"An…International branch?" Beetle blinked.

"We're not gonna be stuck in France, are we?" Guy inquired. "Cuz that would suck beyond all that has ever sucked."

"We are all fully aware of your opinions about the French, Guy." An ever-calm J'onn replied.

_Especially the Crimson Fox._ Superman mentally snickered.

"But you will not be stationed in France. You will be stationed in London, England." Guy grinned at John's statement.

"Now that's more like it." Guy grinned. "They have some killer bars in London."

"Museums too." Ice added with a smile.

"London does have a swinging nightlife." Booster smiled.

"Let's not forget shops." Fire added. "We can't have anything without the shops. And London is a big fashion centre."

"Who's going to lead this…Justice League International?" Beetle asked. "Are you going to send somebody along with us to lead?"

"Far from it." Superman answered with a smile. "We want you to lead, Beetle." Blue Beetle blinked a few times as he processed that information.

"The nerd?" Guy blinked.

"Y-you want _me_ to lead?" He asked, pointing at himself. Superman nodded.

"Based on what Batman told me, you're the one that's turned to when something happens like the incident with Firefly." The Man of Steel explained. "I think you can handle them."

"Wow. I-I feel so… honoured." Beetle grinned nervously. Fire leant over and whispered in Beetle's ear.

"Have I ever told you how much I like men in power?" Fire purred seductively. "Ooh! I could be your sexy little secretary and we could find a new use for your desk." Beetle cleared his throat nervously and turned back to Superman.

"W-well, how can I turn down an offer like that?" Beetle grinned. "You've got yourself a deal!"

"Will we be the only ones in this new Justice League?" Fire asked, raising her hand. "With all due respect, five heroes don't make a League."

"The other members of your League will meet you at your new headquarters." J'onn nodded. "The Justice Embassy."

"Sounds cool." Booster nodded with a smirk. "It looks like starting a fight with Batman paid off, Guy. Perhaps you should start a fight with the President and we could get our own country."

"Don't give Guy any ideas, Booster." Ice sighed. "You know what he's like."

**Warriors, New York**

Guy propped himself up on the bar with an arm. The reddish-blond-headed Green Lantern sighed heavily. He would miss this place. Warriors was a bar that Guy had bought himself to earn an extra bit of cash. He had financed the whole thing with money from his own pockets. Sure, a few other Justice Leaguers had offered to help him with the finances but Guy turned them down politely. Well, as politely as a guy like Guy could do.

Warriors was a bar, but it also was a bit of a superhero museum. Pictures of Justice Leaguers graced the walls. Behind the bar, there were life-size statues of several of his fellow Green Lanterns (And a rather large one of himself in a heroic pose). The stools looked like Green Lanterns' power batteries with cushions on top. Several Leaguers had come up to the bar after missions to celebrate success. A smile crossed the Lantern's face when he remembered the day a few Leaguers came to Warriors to celebrate Green Arrow's birthday. _What a wild day that was._ Guy sipped at his beer and looked over at his patrons. He'd miss them too. Guy was so immersed in his reminiscing that he didn't hear footsteps approach._ Maybe if I'm lucky, I can find a way to get a new one up in __London__ or something._ Guy's thoughts were interrupted by the source of the footsteps sitting down and coughing.

"Sake, please." A heavily accented female voice ordered. Guy immediately knew who it was. Only one person who _ever_ came to Warriors ordered the rice-derived drink.

"Comin' right up." Guy replied, not even looking at the customer.

"I hear you are leaving us." The woman commented. "It will be a pity to see you go, Guy. You may be an arrogant jerk, but I must confess…I liked the way you made Batman bristle like that." Guy looked up at the woman. Her features clearly indicated she was of Asian descent. Her jet-black hair was long and straight. She was dressed in a black-and-white costume with a white multi-pointed star on the chest. On her head was a white three-pointed tiara.

"Glad to hear that _somebody_ supports me, even though I'm surprised it's you." Guy sniffed as he handed his customer her drink. "So what brings you here, Doc? Apart from the first-rate service, of course." Doctor Kimiyo Hoshi, aka the Japanese Justice Leaguer Dr. Light, sipped at her sake before answering.

"I have grown to feel that I am not getting enough respect for the work that I do with the League." Kimiyo replied in a simple manner. "You would think that being a single mother, a highly-acclaimed astronomer, scientist, and doctor, as well as a semi-famous superhero would grant me _some_ form of respect."

"Not with the Big Seven sitting up there in their castle in the sky." Guy nodded. "It's always about _them._ _They_ always get first dibs on the decent missions. What do we get?"

"Running escort and monitor duty." Kimiyo replied. "It is infuriating. I find it insulting to my talents." Guy snapped his fingers as he got an idea.

"Hey, we're looking for members to join our team in London." He explained. "Why don't you give it a shot? As Kord would say, 'We could always use another brain'." The Japanese woman blinked at the offer.

"I don't know…" Kimiyo sighed. "I have a busy enough time as it is raising my children. It's the reason why I do not participate in many League missions as it is."

"Then get Beetle to baby-sit." Guy shrugged. "He ain't got a life." The astronomer appeared to chuckle.

"I…do not think it would work out." Kimiyo smirked. "Ted Kord only knows five words of Japanese, and my children don't speak any English."

"Too bad." Guy laughed as the mental image of Blue Beetle being driven nuts by Dr. Light's two kids due to language problems formed in his head. "But seriously Doc, Justice League International is a smaller team. You wouldn't be so lost in the shuffle in Justice League International."

"Then, perhaps…Yes. Yes, I think I will try joining Justice League International." Kimiyo nodded. "Perhaps I might actually get some recognition for my work in that organization."

"That's the spirit!" Guy grinned. "How about we have another drink to celebrate?" The astronomer's face formed a small smile.

"I suppose another drink will not hurt." Kimiyo nodded.

**The Justice Embassy, London**

The Superbuddies, along with Dr. Light, disembarked from the Javelin and looked around their new headquarters. It was a shiny white three-story building with glass doors at the front. It looked like a mansion.

"It certainly does look better than the Watchtower." Ice blinked. "A lot more friendly."

"Yeah." Booster agreed with a nod. "You can spit out the window without fear of explosive decompression."

"That is just disgusting, Booster." Fire winced. "Disgusting, but fun."

"Keep it down, people." Beetle said. "We don't want these people to think that we're philistines or anything. First impressions and all that." Beetle lead the 'Buddies over to a thin redheaded man that was waiting patiently for them. The man was dressed in a light purple and white costume with a stylized "EM" in a black circle on the chest.

"Hi!" The man said as he shook Beetle's hand. "Ralph Dibny, the World-Famous Elongated Man."

"I remember you now." Beetle nodded with a chuckle. "We met during the big recruitment drive. We got talking about micro-processors. You're also a detective, right?"

"Oh yeah." Ralph nodded with a big grin. "That was me, and yes I am! Howsabout you meet the others?"

"Lead on." Beetle grinned.

"Oh great…" Guy muttered. "More nerds."

"Excuse me?" Dr. Light raised an eyebrow.

"Guy!" Ice hissed. "Shush!" Ralph led the 'Buddies into the meeting room where the rest of the team's members were waiting. Ralph stopped in front of an attractive dark-haired woman.

"Everybody, this is Sue…" Ralph started to introduce, but Booster barged past everybody and shook Sue's hand vigorously.

"How you doin'?" Booster asked in an attempt to flirt with her, putting on his most charming smile.

"As I was saying…" Ralph coughed. "This is Sue Dibny, _my wife!_" Booster's charming grin faltered at that.

"Eep. Uh heh-heh…"

"I'm also his partner-in-sleuthing." Sue Dibny added. Ralph then led them to a tall black-haired man wearing a hi-tech red and white armour suit. The chest of the armour was decorated by a red star and a red number 4. The man held his helmet under his head. It was a white helmet with a white brim like a hat, and an opaque red full-face visor.

"This is Dmitri Pushkin, aka Rocket Red." Ralph explained.

"Greetings." Dmitri smiled shyly. "I look forward to working with International League."

"Oh great…" Guy groaned. "We've got a Commie on the team."

"I am not Commie, as you put it." Dmitri replied simply. "Russia is democracy now."

"Whatever you say, comrade." Guy replied with a roll of his eyes. Ralph led the team up to a silver-skinned man with a red-and-white star on his chest with eight blunted points, and red boots and gloves.

"Sir! Captain Nathaniel Adam reporting for duty, _sir!_" The silver guy shouted as he gave Beetle a salute.

"This is Captain Atom." Ralph explained. "I think he's Army."

"I heard he's actually just energy in a walking containment suit." Fire whispered to Ice. The ice-maker nodded.

"He is. Supergirl told me." Ice nodded.

"Right…" Beetle blinked. _Man, I heard that he was Army, but this is a bit…much._ "Umm…At ease, soldier.'

"Sir, yes sir!" Captain Atom saluted.

"Somebody likes the military a little too much." Booster snickered. Next was a pretty brown-haired young woman wearing a white uniform with a skirt and cloak, with a gold lightning bolt on her chest.

'This is Mary Batson, Mary Marvel.' Ralph explained.

"Hey Mary, how ya doing?" Fire nodded with a small smile as she offered the girl her arm. Mary squealed in glee and shook Fire's hand vigorously.

"Omigosh-I'm-your-biggest-fan-Ms-DaCosta-I've-seen-all-of-your-fashion-shows-on-the-TV-I-never-expected-that-I'd-actually-meet-you-in-person-This-is-the-greatest-moment-of-my-life!" Mary babbled excitedly.

"She's got…spirit." Beetle blinked. Ice nodded.

"Is she…always…like this?" Fire blinked.

"Afraid so." Ralph sighed. "Especially after she's been at the sugar." Last, but by no means least, was a Hispanic woman wearing a _very_ low-cut leather cat suit.

"And this is the token reformed villain of the group." Ralph explained, pointing at the Latina.

"Every super-team has to have at least one." Booster quipped.

"Meet Encantadora, guys."

"Hola, guys…" Encantadora purred seductively as she gave Beetle and company a little wave. "I'm ready and raring to do some good. That's unless…you want me to be naughty, of course…" 'Dora added as she nibbled on her fingernail sexily. Beetle gulped. Guy and Booster didn't reply. Their mouths just hung open at the sight of the vision of hotness before them.

"Huh huh…Huh huh…Huh huh…" Booster mumbled.

"Oh yeah, like _they're_ real." Fire snorted, indicating 'Dora's more…obvious assets.

"Huh huh…Huh huh…Huh huh…" Booster continued mumbling, bugged-out eyes on 'Dora, and his jaw hung slack.

"_Everything_ about me is real, chica." 'Dora replied. "I'm all natural, baby!"

"Huh huh…Huh huh…Huh huh…" Some drool escaped from Booster's mouth.

"Settle down, Beavis." Beetle chuckled.

"Wait a minute…" Ice's eyes narrowed. "Aren't you the woman that was responsible for Superman falling into that coma? **(1)** " Ice asked suspiciously.

"Si, I am." 'Dora replied solemnly. "And that is why I want to atone for my sins. As part of this new League, I want to put my talents to good use."

"She can put her talents to good use around me anytime." Booster drooled.

"Hey, you're getting drool on my boots!" Guy snapped.

"Uh, heh heh…" Beetle chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head, a blush appearing on the part of his cheeks his cowl exposed. He then looked at Fire, who was clenching her fists and gritting her teeth. Two words flashed through the inventor's mind.

_Uh oh…_ The blue-suited hero suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

**Downtown ****London****, some time later**

Guy Gardner walked down a street in London, dressed in civilian clothes. He saw Justice League International's new leader, also dressed in civilian clothes, wave at him. Ted Kord was standing in front of what appeared to be an empty red brick one-story building.

"Alright, Kord. What is this?" Guy growled suspiciously, crossing his arms. Ted smiled.

"Well Guy, I felt kind of bad for you." Ted explained. "You know, having to close down Warriors back in New York." Guy nodded sadly.

"Yeah." Guy nodded. "Luckily, the League let me store the stuff from the old Warriors in the Watchtower until I could figure out what to do with it all."

"Well, I got you a little gift." Ted waved at the building. "I figured since you're going to be here in London, why not start a new Warriors?"

"You got this…for me?" Guy blinked in amazement at Beetle. The inventor shrugged.

"Ah, why not?" Beetle chuckled. "I know you loved Warriors. It would be a shame to let all that stuff you have up there just collect dust."

"Wow…" Guy blinked. "…Thanks, man."

"No prob." Beetle grinned.

**_Next: Restoration!_**_ The newly-formed Justice League International help Guy re-establish a brand new Warriors in __London__ when a certain Czarnian comes to town demanding a rematch!_

**(1) - See the "Fantastic Journey" storyline in "Uncanny Justice League"**


	11. Restoration!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies!**

_To DarkKnight92: Hey there, Dark! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Thanks for the ideas! This story doesn't follow JLU continuity, so no treasonous Captain Atom! Justice Lords International…Sounds funny. I may have to do that sometime! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal Sidekick! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Well, Superman is a rather reasonable guy. Yep, the JLI is born. Well, for Guy, Warriors is a second home to him. There, he can relax and just enjoy drinks with his friends, as well as a good game. Oh yeah, fur **will** fly between Bea and 'Dora. Glad you liked all the insanity! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Haretrigger: Hey there, Hare! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yep, __London__ is going to become a hotbed of superhuman activity thanks to the JLI being in town. Oh yeah, Lobo's coming, baby! Lobo is fun. He was great in his last Justice League appearance. Yeah, Guy is going to put up a new Warriors in __London__. Deadshot and Deathstroke appearing? I had the mental image of them playing darts, then they fight, and they try to impale each other with the darts, and shoot each other up, heh heh. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there, Red Witch! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I read the new chapter of "Evolution XMJ", and I loved it! Since Thor is going to be in Midgard for a while, do you think we'll get to see your Avengers anytime soon? Because Thor's in my version! Oh yeah, the JLI is going to be one crazy league! Glad you like the story so far! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Evolution XMJ"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked the stuff I did with it! Oh, you can bet Guy will have a certain reaction: Either Lobo buys beer, or Guy throws him out on his butt. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! We have just seen the birth of the JLI. The gang is all here: Ralph, Sue, __Mary__CA__, and the rest. Actually, I think Bea and 'Dora would fight over which one of them is more qualified to be the team's resident "Hot Chick". Actually, Dr. Light's two kids are still in __Japan__. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "Gifts and Curses", and "It's All Greek to Me!"_

_To Doza: Hey there, Doza! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I, L1701E, write the odd-numbered chapters, and Uncanny R-Man writes the even-numbered chapters. Anyway, yep! Say hello to the JLI! Aren't they great? Oh, me or R-Man just **has** to use that giant mouse thing! That'd be hilarious! Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "He's flying his pants, Al!"**

**_Chapter 11: Restoration!_**

**JLI Headquarters, ****London, ****England**

"NERRRRRD!" Guy Gardner roared angrily as he stomped into the JLI's meeting room, dressed in green boxers and a black robe. The rest of the JLI were standing around in the room, dressed in whatever they were wearing last night. In actuality, most of them were asleep right at the table. Only Fire, Booster, Ice, Dr. Light, and Mary Marvel were awake. Ted Kord, the Blue Beetle, wearing a blue t-shirt and black shorts, was sitting at the table as well, his head right on the table. The slight noise of snoring came from him. Guy angrily grabbed the tired inventor. The others groaned. "Alright nerd, what's the big idea waking us all up at this stupid hour?" Beetle half-opened his eyes.

"Coffee?" Beetle mumbled.

"You lead this group, now what's going on?" Guy growled.

"Uh, Guy…" Fire started.

"Not now, Da Costa!" Guy snapped.

"Coffee?" Beetle mumbled.

"Why did you wake me up?" Guy started shaking Beetle. "I need my beauty sleep!"

"Coffee?"

"Guy, he…" Booster started.

"Shut up!" Guy snapped. "NERD! WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP? DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU?"

"Coffee?" Beetle mumbled.

"Oh-!" Dr. Light, clad in a black nightgown and robe, grumbled. She gave Guy a smack upside the head.

"OW!" Guy exclaimed.

"I see you're still cheerful, even at _this_ hour in the morning." Booster Gold snickered, dressed in a white wifebeater and black sweatpants. He winced at the mean glare the Japanese scientist shot him. "Ugh…"

"Coffee?" Beetle mumbled.

"You baka!" Dr. Light snapped at Guy. "Beetle didn't wake us up!"

"Yes, Guy. Calm down." Ice walked into the meeting room, dressed in red plaid pajamas. She was as chipper as ever, and she was carrying a tray of cups. "I made coffee for everyone. Mary's in the kitchen, helping make breakfast. I'm sure that'll help all of you sleepyheads wake up." Luckily for the JLI, Ice was an early riser.

"Thank God for you, Ice." Booster snickered.

"Coffee?" Beetle face looked hopeful. The others started waking up.

"Hey, coffee!" Ralph grinned, taking one from Ice's tray with his stretching powers. "The breakfast drink of champion detectives everywhere."

"Grilled cheese…" Sue Dibny mumbled as she took her cup.

"Coffee…" Beetle smiled as he took his cup. "Yummy coffee."

"So who got us out of bed?" Guy grunted.

"One of us is missing." Dr. Light smirked. "It should be obvious."

"Well, well, well." Fire smirked at a waking and yawning Encantadora. "Look who's decided to join us." 'Dora groaned.

"Oh, mio Dio…" 'Dora muttered. "I'm not in the mood right now, Grasshead."

"GRASSHEAD?" Fire screeched angrily, leaping up from her chair.

"Can you two fight later?" Booster groaned. "I personally cannot believe I'm going to say this, but it's too early for a hot chick-fight." Fire sat down slowly, glaring at Encantadora, who glared back at the fire-wielder. Guy blinked at the blond.

"Who the hell are you and what the hell have you done with Carter?"

"Hey…" Rocket Red looked around. "Where is one with silver skin? Comrade Atom?"

"Yeah, where is the Military Man, anyway?" Booster blinked.

"Maybe he's out polishing himself." Guy joked.

"Perhaps he's not interested in joining us for breakfast. I do not blame him." Dr. Light nodded. "After all, he **is** made up of energy."

"Who wants pancakes?" Mary Marvel, in full costume, grinned happily as she walked in, carrying a tray of pancakes.

"Oh…my…God…" Ralph's jaw slacked. "Look at all the pancakey goodness!"

"I have never had these…pancakes before." Rocket Red blinked. Mary put a plate of pancakes in front of the Russian. He looked up at her. "Are these any good?"

"Pancakes? Oh, they are _wonderful!_" Mary grinned. "Especially with butter and maple syrup."

"Where in Russia do you hail from, Dmitri?" Ice wondered.

"I am from Ukraine." Rocket Red smiled.

"Atten-_hut!_" A voice commanded, causing the rest of the JLI to leap to their feet. Captain Atom walked into the room, carrying a clipboard.

"Oh, there he is." Rocket Red remarked.

"Glad to see you all are awake." Captain Atom noted. "Now, I have taken the liberty to do a schedule for today that will involve training, maintenance of the headquarters, and-"

"Awwwwwwwwww!" The rest of the JLI suddenly interrupted the nuclear-powered hero with a groan. Captain Atom grunted.

"Well, _somebody_ has to do it. You know, this job is normally the responsibility of the _leader…_" Captain Atom glared at Beetle as he spoke.

"Too early to be the leader." Beetle mumbled.

"Besides, Captain…We have plans today." Dr. Light said to the silver-skinned hero.

"Yes." Ice nodded. "We're all going to help Guy out with fixing up his new bar."

"Heh." Guy smirked at Captain Atom. "Sorry, Cap. Looks like your plans are out today. Fixing up that new building and putting all the stuff in will take all day."

"Blue Beetle, I _must_ remind you that Justice League International is a team of dedicated superheroes, _not_ some social club." Captain Atom said to Blue Beetle. Beetle sighed.

"Hands up for helping Guy." Beetle surveyed. The only JLI member that did not raise their hand was Captain Atom.

**Warriors, ****London**

Several large boxes were standing in front of the red brick building that would house the new Warriors. The boxes contained Guy's collection of superhero memorabilia. Meanwhile, Justice League International were making repairs to the building, making it presentable, and moving furniture inside.

"Red!" Rocket Red snapped. The Ukrainian armor-wearer had painted half of the back wall of the outside of the building red.

"Brown!" Ralph snapped back. The stretchy detective had painted half the wall brown. The two were arguing over color.

"Red!"

"Brown!"

"Red!"

"Brown!"

"RED!"

"BROWN!" Sue Dibny, carrying a box, walked up to the two arguing heroes. The dark-haired woman shook her head, sighing. She put down her box, and conked their heads together.

"OW! HEY!" They exclaimed, clutching their heads. Meanwhile, inside, the gang was working. Guy was using his ring to move around benches and tables. Beetle and Booster were helping. Dr. Light was busy working with the light fixtures. Mary Marvel and Ice had found an area that could be used as a kitchen. They were busy loading it up.

"Hey, Guy…" Ice started.

"Yeah?" Guy grunted as he put a stool down with his ring.

"Remember how you said you wanted to have Warriors become a bar and grill?" Ice remembered.

"Warriors ain't no wussy restaurant, Ice." Guy grimaced.

"No, I mean like, burgers and all that?" Ice clarified. Guy mouthed an "Oh" in understanding.

"Yeah, so?" Guy grunted. "I couldn't afford to put in a kitchen."

"Well, Mary and I found an area that can be used as a kitchen." Ice explained. "You can use it to offer food here." Guy thought about it.

"Alright, but no salads." Guy approved.

"Guy…" Ice started in mock warning.

"Oh, alright. One." Guy muttered.

"Aww, thank you Guy. You're a sweetheart." Ice grinned, hugging Guy.

"Tora! Not in front of the guys!" Guy exclaimed.

"Aww, Guy Gardner is so adorable!" Beetle laughed, carrying a bar stool.

"Ah, go weave a cocoon, bug!" Guy snapped.

"Has anyone seen Fire and 'Dora?" Beetle remembered. "I'm worried about them. I don't think they'll work too well together." Booster gulped.

"Remember when Guy had those flyers made for Warriors?" Booster gulped. "Well…I…I…"

"You what, Booster?" Beetle narrowed his eyes.

"I…" Booster grinned helplessly and squeaked. "I had them go out and put them up around town."

"BOOSTER!" Beetle snapped. "You had better pray to God that they decided to stay away from each other!"

"I'm an atheist, Beetle!" Booster wailed. A crash was heard, and a screaming 'Dora flew through the door, landing on the ground butt-first.

"OW!" 'Dora exclaimed. She looked like she went through a bad fight.

"Damn!" Guy smirked.

"AAAAARGH!" Fire screeched. The green-haired fire-wielder ran in and jumped on the Hispanic woman. The two started screaming and catfighting. Beetle and Captain Atom separated the two. They swiped at each other, cursing in Portuguese and Spanish.

"Why'd you separate them?" Booster wailed.

"Let go!" Fire yelled, taking a swipe at 'Dora with her fist. "I'll _kill_ her!"

"I'd like to see you try, you wench!" 'Dora snarled, taking her own swipe.

"What happened? What did you two do?" Beetle snapped.

"What do you think, Beetle?" Dr. Light answered as she put up a light fixture. "Those two _cannot_ work together."

"Flyers?" Guy blinked.

"Yeah, the flyers we made for the bar." Ice nodded.

"Those things were for tomorrow night!" Guy exclaimed. "Aw, man!"

"Great, now we gotta work double-time to get this all done! Thanks a lot, Booster!" Beetle snapped.

"Uh…" Booster grinned innocently. "…oops?"

"Ah, don't worry about it!" Sue waved. "I'm sure we can get it all done." Beetle sighed.

"Alright." Beetle caved in. "Let's stop yakking and keep working. Fire, 'Dora, I want you two to stay away from each other today, alright?"

"I'm sorry, Teddy." Fire cooed. "It's not _my_ fault that hag always wants a piece of me."

"Say that to my face, you tramp!" 'Dora snapped.

"I mean it!" Beetle snapped. "Fire, you go help Dr. Light with the light fixtures, and 'Dora, you go help Booster wash out the dishes."

**That night**

The JLI could not believe their luck. Not only had they managed to get the new Warriors fixed up, but they got themselves quite a lot of attention. Guy stood behind the bar and smiled. Customers were sitting at the tables, and the other members of the JLI were at the bar. Beetle and Sue had soda. Mary Marvel was drinking a glass of chocolate milk. Ice and Rocket Red had bottles of water. Captain Atom didn't have anything. Being made of energy has its perks. Fire had a martini, and 'Dora had a margurita.

"I am quite impressed with the results of our work." Dr. Light nodded in approval, sipping her sake.

"Yeah. And so are the customers." Beetle agreed, holding his soda.

"What can I say? No matter where it is, Warriors is a hot spot." Guy smirked.

"I must admit, we did alright." Captain Atom admitted. "I didn't plan to spend the day fixing a bar, but we didn't do a half-bad job."

"Yup!" Mary Marvel smiled widely.

"Despite Encantadora, we did a great job." Fire smiled sweetly at the Hispanic woman.

"Screw you, Beatriz." 'Dora answered equally sweetly.

"You cheated!" Booster snapped at Ralph Dibny, pointing at the dartboard.

"ME?" Ralph snapped back. "How can I cheat at darts? You're just mad because I'm better than you?"

"Oh, brother…" Sue sighed, holding her own soda. "Ralph, knock it off."

"Sorry, dear." Ralph apologized. He smirked at Booster. "You're right, Sue. I shouldn't be too hard on the amateur." Booster growled.

"Why I oughta-!" Booster prepared to punch Ralph, but a green barrier appeared before him.

"Hey!" Guy snapped. "You wanna fight? Then go outside and do it!"

**_CRASH!_**

The patrons and the JLI leapt up to their feet in shock. The front wall of the bar got blown wide open!

"AW HELL NAW!" Guy roared angrily, his power ring changing his clothes into his GL costume. "You got a lotta chutzpah to…YOU!" Guy recognized the figure walking in. The figure looked like an overly-muscled, very tall chalk-white-skinned man with solid red eyes surrounded by black mascara-like patches, wild mane-like black hair and a mustache. He was dressed in black biker gear and he carried a chain.

"The Main Man is back, ya fraggin' bastiches!" The figure, the Czarnian bounty hunter known as Lobo, crowed.

**_Next: Bar Brawl!_**


	12. Bar Brawl!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**L1701E**

**and**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_To Red Witch: Hey there, Red Witch! Nice to hear from you again! Glad you're back! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Alright, some Avengers! Awesome! Yeah, we all know you love coffee. I think Lobo rules too. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Evolution XMJ"!_

_To Susan Hillwig: Hey there, Susan! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked seeing the 'bwa-ha-ha' JL era again. Encantadora is an actual DC Character. She appeared in the Superman books. Well, in mine and R-Man's defense, Jason never really went up against DC heroes, and some can easily tear him apart. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of your Jonah Hex/Hal __Jordan__ team-up fic!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! You'll love what I'll do with this one. I'm glad you liked all the insanity of the last chapter! Enjoy the new (improved) chapter!_

_To DarkKnight92: Hey there, Dark! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Oh yeah, the JLI vs. Lobo. It's going to get very ugly. I'm glad you liked this fic so far! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked this chapter! You should watch JLU. It's very good. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails" and "Gifts and Curses"!_

**Disclaimer: "Aaah! I mean, Haaa-llo!" - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons**

**_Chapter 12: Bar Brawl!_**

**Warriors, London, England-**

"The Main Man is back, ya fraggin' bastiches!" Lobo crowed.

"Aw, hell no…" Guy Gardner muttered. The assembled members of the JLI watched in horror at the Czarnian bounty hunter known as Lobo. The team hardly had enough time to refurbish the new Warriors bar before the psychotic alien smashed his way through the wall.

"Crud." Blue Beetle groaned. "I _knew_ everything was going too smoothly."

"Trust _that_ ruffian to choose _now_ to attack." Dr. Light snorted.

"At least we didn't have to run around town looking for trouble." Booster Gold reassured his friend Beetle. "Heck, trouble came to us."

"Hel-lo?" Lobo piped up. "We gonna stand around here bitchin' like old women or get to the butt kickin'?" He smirked when he noticed one member of the JLU. "Hey 'Dora."

"_HUH?_" The rest of the JLI looked at 'Dora with confused expressions.

"Wait." Fire blinked, pointing at 'Dora and Lobo. "You guys…know each other?"

"We had a…thing." Encantadora admitted sheepishly. "But we're finished now."

"Oh, my…" Mary Marvel blinked.

"You are kidding me…" Beetle groaned.

"Personally, I am finding this rather amusing." Dr. Light smirked.

"Now, why doesn't that surprise me?" Fire snorted. "I'm surprised you have enough time to keep your clothes on."

"This coming from the chica who has her own website with girly pictures." 'Dora snorted back. Bea sneered.

"Let's just get with the butt-kicking already." Fire muttered, swiftly changing the subject as she changed into her fiery form.

"Hey! Watch the carpet!" Guy hissed angrily. "I just had that lining laid down!" The Green Lantern's pleas fell on deaf ears as Fire let rip with a blast of green flame, knocking Lobo back through the hole that he made in the wall. Guy just held his head in his hands. Ice was patting his back in a comforting manner before engaging Lobo.

"Why God? Why? Why do you keep crapping on me like this?"

"Karma, perhaps?" Blue Beetle offered, fighting the urge to snicker.

"Up yours, nerd bug!" Guy snapped. He heard a crashing. "No! Not the Hal Jordan statue! I got that off eBay! That's the second-most popular attraction here after the one of myself!"

**Outside-**

Outside the bar, the rest of the JLI took on Lobo. Ice had presently encased the bounty hunter's feet in a block of ice while Mary Marvel used him as a makeshift punch bag. Dr. Light, Captain Atom, and Fire poured on the heat with infra-red radiation and emerald flame. Booster was blasting Lobo with golden energy beams. Rocket Red was blasting him with armour-mounted machine guns, while Ralph was using his stretching powers to help hold down the Czarnian. Lobo wouldn't quit, though. He was trying to fight off all the attacks.

"He _must_ have a weak point!" Dr. Light groused. "Even Superman has a weakness. We must find it!"

"Yak yak yak, Doc." Booster muttered.

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, chica!" 'Dora grinned, cheering them on.

"Some help wouldn't go amiss." Fire hissed as she narrowly dodged a blow from Lobo's chain. "How about using that freaky mist of yours to teleport this jerk out of here, huh?"

"If only I could." 'Dora sighed. "It doesn't seem to work on Lobo."

"How convenient." Fire muttered as she blasted Lobo once more with her green flame.

"Haw! Is this the bets you pansies've got?" Lobo taunted cockily, throwing a screaming Ralph off him, and batting away an energy blast from Captain Atom with his fist. "I thought you were a bunch o' badasses! Oh wait, that was the _real_ Justice League! You ain't nothin' compared to those bastiches! The Main Man would be _honoured_ to fight _those_ guys. I've fought Superman himself! But you…you ain't even worth the time."

"You dare insult me?" Kimiyo Hoshi snarled, her body glowing white. "THEN FEEL MY FURY!" Dr. Light let rip with a huge blast of white light. The blast hit Lobo hard, sending him crashing into a building…and making it collapse on top of him. Dr. Light stared at the rubble intensely, still primed for battle.

"Is he dead?" Ice blinked. After a minute, Lobo busted his way out. "Yipe!"

"WHAT?" Dr. Light roared in shock and disbelief.

"Heh. Nice try, babe." Lobo smirked.

"'Babe'?" Dr. Light sneered. "Why I-!" Rocket Red put his arm out in front of her.

"I do not know who you are…" Rocket Red growled at Lobo, determination in his voice. "But I will not allow you to harm innocent people."

"Aww, lookit this." Lobo snorted with a smirk. "The Commie's got a spine. Howsabout I rip it out and beat you over the head with it?" Rocket Red shook with anger.

"I…AM…NOT…**COMMIE!**" Rocket Red yelled as missile launchers popped out of his armoured shoulders.

"Uh-oh." Elongated Man winced. "You've made him angry. You won't like Rocket Red when he's angry." The other members of the JLI dove out of the way as Rocket Red let rip with a salvo of missiles. The missiles hit the Czarnian with a BANG! Once the smoke and dust had cleared, the 'Buddies cautiously approached the crater that was left behind.

"Mmm, tastes like barbeque!" Lobo snorted as he leapt out of the crater. "Now, where was I…? Oh yeah, I was kickin' your butts!" Lobo hefted up a car and aimed to toss it through the window of Warriors. Fortunately, the car was caught in mid-air by a giant green catcher's mitt.

"If you want a fight, I'm gonna give you a fight." Guy Gardner growled angrily. "A fight you will never forget."

"Guy…" Ice warned. "Are you sure it's wise to provoke him?" Guy smirked.

"I'm sure the nut job can take it." Guy replied assuredly. "Name ya game, Lobo." An evil grin spread across the alien's face.

"I thought you'd never ask…"

Back inside Warriors-

Back inside the bar another crowd had gathered, barely noticed the gaping hole in the wall. They were all gathered around a table while Guy Gardner and Lobo duelled for the fate of Warriors. Guy held his chin in his hand and frowned in concentration.

"6-D." Guy guessed triumphantly.

"Awwwww, _frag__ it!_" Lobo hissed angrily. "You sunk my battleship!" The 'Buddies and the crowd cheered in congratulation as Guy leant back in his chair with a cocky grin on his face.

"Them's the breaks, buddy." Guy grinned smarmily as he admired his nails. "Now, I believe that you were about to leave…"

"Hell no!" Lobo growled as he stood up and glared right in Guy's face. "Best two outta three!"

"I ain't your momma." Guy shrugged. "But it's _my_ turn to choose the game now, heh heh…"

**Later still-**

"It wuz…Colonel Mustard…in the library…with the lead pipe.: Lobo deduced as he looked at his cards. Dr. Light picked up the envelope placed in the middle of the board and read out the results.

"It was…" Dr. Light started reading the results. "…Colonel Mustard…" Lobo's grin widened. "…in the library…" Lobo's grin grew real wide. "…with the… _candlestick!_"

"AAAAAAAAARGH!" Lobo punched the table in frustration, while everybody cheered at Guy's second victory in a row.

"Oh yeah! I'm the man!" Guy grinned.

"Best three outta five!" Lobo demanded.

"Ya only makin' a bigger fool of yourself, man." Guy shrugged.

'_Best three outta five!_' Lobo growled.

"Geez, _somebody_ doesn't know when to quit." Elongated Man snickered.

"Kind of like a certain self-centered doctor." Booster quipped. Dr. Light glared at him. "What?"

"Do you want me to expose you to a lethal dose of X-Rays? Because I can certainly do that." The Japanese scientist threatened. Lobo spun around to glare at the stretchy detective.

"What did you say?"

"N-Nothing…" Elongated Man yelped. "Heh heh…"

**Even Later still-**

Mary Marvel spun the dial in her hands and read out the instructions.

"Right foot green." There was a muttered curse from the tangle of limbs formerly known as Guy Gardner and Lobo as both combatants struggled to make the move on the Twister mat.

"This is getting stupid." Beetle sighed.

"C'mon Gardner, don't you mess this up now." Captain Atom encouraged. "I've got ten pounds bet on you!"

"I thought you didn't bet." Booster commented.

"I _do_ have a life outside of this team, you know." Captain Atom sniffed. The 'Buddies turned back to the game as they heard the sound of bodies falling to the floor.

"Frag it!" Lobo yelled as he struggled to untangle himself. "Best five outta seven!"

"I think you've had enough defeats for today, chico. Best just to give up." 'Dora suggested.

"Yeah." Sue added with a smirk. "Don't go away mad. Just go away." Lobo got up with a growl.

"This ain't over…" He growled. "You ain't heard the last of the Main Man!"

"The Main Man. A nickname you do _not_ deserve." Dr. Light sneered.

"Whatever you say, loser." Guy snorted at Lobo. "Now, how's about a song?"

"I believe I have just the right song for this situation…" Fire grinned as she began to sing. "_Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey-hey, goodbye…_" The rest of the 'Buddies joined in.

"_Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey-hey, goodbye…_"

"This isn't very sporting." Mary Marvel commented. "Uncle Marvel told me never to rub it a villain's face when I beat him."

"You Uncle isn't here now, dearie." Fire snickered. "Now join in with the sing-song." And so it continued as a dejected Lobo slunk out of Warriors.

"Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey-hey, goodbye…"

**Elsewhere-**

Somewhere in South America, a new team of villains were mopping up one of a seemingly endless stream of drug dealers that they had been assigned to… 'liquidise.' Two of those villains were sitting in the front of a jeep as they waited for their teammates to finish their jobs. Deadshot was smoking a big cigar with his feet place don the dashboard while the French-Vietnamese assassin known as Cheshire glared at him impatiently. Deadshot was dressed in his infamous red-and-silver outfit. Chesire was dressed in a green one-shoulder, one-sleeved, bathing suit-like costume with long green boots that went to just above her knees, gold bands around her right wrist and right upper arm, and her long straight jet-black hair kept out of her face by a green headband.

"Do you know how many poisons those things carry, Lawton?" The beautiful, but deadly assassin asked with a smirk.

"I'm sure that you'd know, babe." Deadshot sniffed as he tapped some ash into the palm of a dead soldier. "What's taking the others so long, anyway?"

"You know how Shiva likes to savour her work." Cheshire coughed as she waved a puff of cigar smoke out of her face. "The woman just can't snap a man's neck and be done with it. She _always_ has to make a show of it."

"And that is precisely why I will be known as the most dangerous assassin in the world, Cheshire." Shiva said as she hopped into the back of the jeep. She was an Asian woman dressed in what appeared to be the top half of a purple Chinese-style dress with brown pants.

"And I am _so_ **_gushingly_** happy that you're not dead." Cheshire grinned, her voice gushing with faux sweetness. Deadshot snickered a little in the background.

"Ladies, ladies…" Deadshot interjected as he tried to calm matters down. "You heard what the boss said, no killing each other until the mission has finished, okay? That is…unless you want to duke it out in a mud pit dressed in bikinis?" He grinned widely. The two women glared at Deadshot.

"You disgust me, Lawton." Cheshire hissed.

"For once I agree with you." Shiva added.

"Saucer of milk, table two." Deadshot snickered. Cheshire and Shiva suppressed the urge to grab the suicidal assassin, rip his arms off, and beat him to death with them. The leader of the team walked up.

"Cut that out, Lawton. You're on this team to work, not crack lame jokes."

"Javohl." Deadshot saluted the team's leader. "Where's the walking slab of steroids?"

"Dealing with the matter of a few tanks." The former nemesis of the Teen Titans known as Slade replied.

"You just left him to fend for himself?" Cheshire blinked. "Is…that a good idea?"

"Bane's a big boy." Slade sniffed. "I'm sure he can handle himself." As if in reply, a tank fell from the sky and exploded not too far away from the team.

"Dammit!" Deadshot hissed as he dropped his cigar in his lap. "Crap! Hot-hot-hot!" Cheshire didn't bother to hide her obvious amusement at Deadshot's plight.

_I wish I brought a camera…_ Cheshire thought.

"That was the last of them." The gargantuan enforcer known as Bane reported as he joined the rest of the team. "Just as our employer wanted. No survivors." Slade picked up a ringing cell phone from his pocket.

"This is Deathstroke…"

"Wilson, there's been a change of plans." A voice said on the other side. "The Czarnian didn't go to plan. You are to go straight to London. I have an…infestation problem that I want you to take care of."

"That wouldn't happen to be a certain team of heroes, would it?" Slade deduced.

"Just do your job." The voice replied. "Your fee will be paid into your account upon the successful completion of your task." And with that, the voice hung up.

"We'd better prepare our wet weather clothes." Slade announced. "We're going to London." Deadshot flicked his cigar away and started up the jeep.

"Tally-ho pip-pip, eh-wot?"

"Just shut up and drive before I knock your teeth down to your colon." Shiva growled.

"Did I ever mention that I love strong women?" Deadshot grinned as he started up the jeep and the Fatal Five drove away.

**TBC…**

**Next: Fatal Five!**


	13. Fatal Five!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

_To Eternal Sidekick: Hey there, Eternal Sidekick! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last couple of chapters! I'm very glad you liked the insanity of the last couple chapters! R-Man and I had a load of laughs writing them. I'm very glad we made you feel nostalgic for the JLI/JLE era. Enjoy the new chapter, my friend!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there, Red Witch! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, I was surprised as well to see Guy and Lobo fight **that** way, considering their portrayals and reputations in the comics. Rematch over Monopoly, huh? I think I or R-Man have to do something with that. Here's more insanity for you! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Evolution XMJ"!_

_To darthjag: Hey there, darthjag! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, the insanity is amazing, isn't it? And the scary part is, these guys **can** beat supervillains! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To kaiyunarkamus: Hey there, kaiyun! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Actually, the Uncanny R-Man writes the even-numbered chapters. I just edit and add on stuff, and write the odd-numbered chapters. I agree, Guy **was** calling Beetle hypocritical. He makes fun of Beetle's intelligence, then trounces Lobo three times in a row in board games. Aw well, what can you do? Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To dswynne: Hey there, ds! Nice to hear from you! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Well, R-Man wrote the last chapter! I think it was a little joke on the fact that both Rocket Red and Lobo first appeared in DC's comics in the 1980s. In that decade, the Cold War was still going on. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad you liked my edits and add-ons. Your stuff was funny on its own, man. I didn't have to add **that** much. And here comes the Fatal Five! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read more from you!_

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, I had fun working with the chapter, too. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to read new chapters of "Gifts and Curses"!_

_To Aaron: Hey there, Aaron! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! R-Man wrote the last chapter, so all the madness in that chapter should be credited to him. I thought that the Lobo and 'Dora having a past was funny, too. As for Fire and 'Dora, it's really just a case of two women trying to establish their position as the resident "hot chick" of the team. Oh yeah, the Fatal Five have arrived! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To DarkKnight92: Hey there, Dark Knight! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, R-Man did real good there! I can't wait, either! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Proponent of EVO: Hey there, Proponent! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Well, let me tell you, my friend…Slade and Shiva may be the best at what they do, but even **they** could possibly meet their match! Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!" - Ralph Wiggum, the Simpsons**

**_Chapter 13: Fatal Five!_**

**A biker bar on the outskirts of London**

"Damn!" Deadshot grumbled. He shot the bartender with one of his wrist-mounted Magnums, and then threw his pint of beer into the wall. "The beer was warm!"

"We _warned_ you, Lawton." Slade grumbled as he beheaded a biker with his sword.

"I've been to London before. It's a lovely city, and a lot of the people are nice." Cheshire remembered, while slashing a biker across the throat with the golden talons on her fingertips. "…just as long as you don't mention that you're French. And you can get a good shopping spree in here as well." She flipped another biker over in a judo throw, then put a poisoned dart in his neck.

"Why are we here?" Lady Shiva grumbled as she snapped a biker's neck. "Should we not go eliminate the…hero population in London?" The martial artist ducked a biker's bat swing, punched him in the gut, took the bat, and broke it over his neck.

"I personally do not find this an inconvenience, Lady Shiva." Bane shrugged as he tied another biker in a knot. "Personally, I find that little sessions like these are wonderful for keeping skills sharp before we go fulfill the actual contract."

"Well, if put that way…" Shiva shrugged. A biker leapt on her. She grabbed his hand and bit off his finger.

"ARGH! SHE BIT OFF ME BLOODY FINGER!" The biker screamed. It was the last thing he said before she snapped his neck.

"There's got to be some cold beer around here somewhere." Deadshot groaned as he searched behind the bar for some beer. "Damn it! I want cold beer!"

"Ugh. Deadshot takes nothing seriously, does he?" Bane grunted as he tied a screaming biker's arms in a knot.

"It's his style." Slade shrugged as he shot a biker with a Colt Magnum, and threw a couple darts at another biker, hitting him between the eyes and in the throat. "We're all assassins here. We all have them."

"Yes, but does his style have to involve him staring at my ass?" Cheshire scowled at Deadshot. The suicidal gun-for-hire had his mask off. He was sitting behind the bar, propped up on one arm, a smile on his face. He happened to be staring at Cheshire.

"Hey, not my fault that you got it, babe." Deadshot grinned. "WAH!" Cheshire threw a biker at him. "Hey, I found some cold beer!" He peeked up at Cheshire, holding a can. "Hey babe, wanna get drunk and do the bad thing?" Cheshire answered by grabbing a chair and smashing it upside Deadshot's head.

**JLI Headquarters**

"Uh huh huh, huh huh, huh huh…"

"Mmm heh, heh heh. Mmm heh heh…"

"Huh huh, uh huh huh…." Guy Gardner snickered.

"Mmm heh, mmm heh heh, heh heh heh…" Booster Gold chortled. The two were watching a rock video in the living room. Beetle walked by and noticed them.

"What do you know?" He mumbled to himself, shaking his head. "Beavis and Butthead joined the JLI." He heard screams. "Huh?" He saw Captain Atom and Rocket Red race by in a panic. "What the OH MY GOD!" The two JLI members were being chased by a giant mouse. "DID YOU TWO SCREW WITH THE TELEPORTERS?" _Wonderful! Now I gotta fix them!_ He walked by the med bay. He noticed Dr. Light wrapping a bandage around Elongated Man's head. "Hey Kimiyo. Hey Ralph."

"Hey, Beetle." Ralph waved.

"What're you doing today, Ted?" Dr. Light wondered.

"I'm going to go report to J'onn. You know, tell him how we're doing and all that. What happened to Ralph?" Beetle blinked.

"Don't ask." Ralph groaned.

"I'll let you finish, Doc." Beetle started to walk away. As he walked, he overheard something.

"Personally, I would like to know, how _did_ you get your head stuck in a blender?" Beetle overheard an obviously amused Dr. Light.

"I told you! The blender hates me! It tries to kill me!" Ralph yelped.

"And that guy's a _detective?_" Beetle mumbled to himself. "Wonderful." The inventor walked into the communications room, and turned on the console.

"This is J'onn J'onnz." The Martian face said on the screen.

"Hey, J'onn." Beetle waved.

"Ah, hello Ted." J'onn smiled. "How was your first week leading Justice League International?"

"A lot less slow than I would have expected." Beetle sighed. He heard a crashing. "What the-!" A screaming Captain Atom and Rocket Red ran by, the giant mouse after them. "Oh, man!" J'onn's eyes widened.

"Was that…a giant…mouse…chasing…"

"Yeah, I know." Beetle sighed. "I think the teleporters got messed up. Anyway, we helped Guy with getting a new bar up nearby, and we ran into Lobo. We took care of him, though." A commotion was heard outside. "Now what?" Beetle turned and saw Ralph run by carrying a double-barreled shotgun.

"I'm gonna kill that blender! BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The stretchy sleuth cackled madly as he raced by.

"RALPH! GET BACK HERE!" Sue and Dr. Light chased after him.

"This place is a mad house." Beetle muttered under his breath.

"Augh!" Fire appeared at the doorway to the communications room. She looked like she went through a fight. She snarled and her fists erupted into green flame.

"C'mon, you witch!" She snarled in a challenging voice. "Let's see you ACK!" Encantadora leapt out of nowhere and tackled Fire. A catfight broke out.

"As you can guess, we have some problems." Beetle sighed. "Nothing more disastrous than the usual."

"HERE BLENDER BLENDER BLENDER!" Ralph's crazed scream was heard. Beetle sighed.

"Let me guess. One of the 'problems'?" J'onn smiled bemusedly.

"Yup." Beetle groaned. "I got Guy and Booster playing Beavis and Butthead, Fire and 'Dora fight at the drop of a hat, you know about Captain Atom, Rocket Red, and the giant mouse, Ralph has gone crazy about the blender…"

"WHERE IS THAT BLENDER?" Ralph roared as he ran by, still carrying his shotgun.

"RALPH!" Sue and Dr. Light ran by in pursuit.

"I think I'm going to lose it if this keeps up." Beetle sighed.

**A local shop, some time later**

"Oh, this is nice." Sue Dibny picked up a figurine of an angel. "It's so cute." With her were Ice and Mary Marvel in civilian clothes. They haddecided to go out and do some shopping.

"Cute!" Mary squealed as she picked up a stuffed lion and hugged it. "I'm getting this!"

"Oh, how nice." Ice looked at a snowglobe. "It's too bad Bea, Kimi, and 'Dora couldn't join us."

"Yeah well, I think the fact that Bea and 'Dora were in the infirmary put a stop to their plans." Sue smirked. She didn't notice a disguised Cheshire standing around nearby, looking at clocks.

_Slade's little plan had better work. I got better things to do than stare at clocks._ Cheshire mentally grumbled. She waited for Sue to pass by. She took a quick look around to make sure Mary and Ice weren't looking. She followed Sue, making sure the dark-haired woman was in an isolated part of the store, near a back entrance. Then, as quick as lightning, Cheshire stuck a knockout dart in Sue's neck and dragged the dozing woman out the back way.

"Hey Sue, what do you think of…" Ice turned around and saw the Sue had disappeared. "Sue?"

**_Next: Five Times Over! _**_The Fatal Five capture Sue Dibny, but she turns out to be more trouble than she's worth!_


	14. Five Times Over!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**And**

**L1701E**

**Author's Note: L1701E here! Sorry it took so long for this new chapter to come up! It's hard thinking up endings for these things! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you for your patience. Also, sorry about there being no review responses. Rule changes and all.**

**Disclaimer: "STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!" - Jim "Good Ol' JR" Ross**

**_Chapter 14: Five Times Over!_**

**Fatal Five HQ-**

Sue Dibny regained consciousness with a groan. The last thing she remembered was doing a spot of souvenir shopping with Ice and Mary Marvel.

"Oh God…" Sue groaned. "Where am I?"

"I would tell you, but then I would have to kill you." A smug voice answered with a snicker. Sue tried to spin around to get a look at the person but found that she was tied to a chair.

"Let me out of here!" Sue hissed angrily. "Let me out of here right now, or so help me God, I'll make you **pay!**"

"Oh, please!" Deadshot snorted with an arrogant chuckle as he blew a puff of cigar smoke into Sue's face. "Like you can do anything. You don't even have any superpowers. What'cha gonna do, hit me with your handbag?" Sue shot the assassin a deadpan look.

"First of all Slappy, I've heard of you. You don't have any superpowers yourself either. And second…I can do _this!_" Sue lashed out with a vicious head butt, breaking Deadshot's nose.

"AUGH! My nose! Bitch!" Deadshot hissed as he grabbed his bloody nose. "You're gonna pay for that!" What Deadshot didn't know was that Sue had managed to cut herself free with a nail file. The assassin lowered one of his wrist-mounted Magnums at the woman. Sue just grinned evilly at him as she smashed him upside the head with her chair. With her captor down, Sue made a dash for it.

"I would not do that if I were you, Mrs. Dibny." An accented voice piped up. Sue ground to a halt as she found her way barred by the immense enforcer known as Bane.

"I do not wish to harm you, Mrs. Dibny." Bane said simply, standing his ground. "So please return to your cell."

"Ahhh, I've never been one to follow orders." Sue sniffed as she whipped out a canister of Mace and sprayed Bane in the face.

"AAAAAAAUGH!" The immense enforcer screamed in pain and fell to his knees as Sue ran past him. Bane covered his eyes with his hands. Unfortunately, Sue never made it very far as Cheshire shot her in the neck with a poison dart. She sighed as she walked out of the shadows, shaking her head.

"Never leave a man to do a woman's job." The French-Vietnamese assassin sighed as she dragged Sue back into her cell.

"You didn't kill her, did you?" Slade warned Cheshire as he walked in. He had heard a ruckus, and he ran in to take a look. The dark-haired woman smirked.

"Not all poisons kill, Slade." Cheshire explained. "I used some stuff to help her have a nice little nap."

"Ooh Ralph…" A snoozing Sue sleepily giggled. "That tickles…"

**JLI Embassy -**

Unaware of the happenings elsewhere in London, the rest of the Justice League International were going about their business. Fire and Encantadora had been given a clean bill of health by Dr. Light and were presently sitting on opposite sides of the room glowering at each other. Elongated Man was crawled up in the corner of the couch rocking from side to side.

"Can't sleep…blender will eat me. Can't sleep…blender will eat me…"

"That blender thing really knocked him for six, huh?" Blue Beetle commented, looking at the stretchy sleuth.

"And he seemed so normal to me when I first met him." Dr. Light sighed, shaking her head. "Who would have thought that the almighty Elongated Man would have a deathly fear of blenders?"

"It's not blenders in general, it's the one we have. For some reason, it goes crazy whenever Ralph tries to use it." Mary Marvel corrected.

"Don't let him know that I told you this, but Booster's scared of chickens." Beetle added, a visible smile on his lips. "Heh heh, we passed by a chicken farm one day. Man, I never heard a grown man scream as much as Booster Gold did that day."

"Is he really?" Dr. Light pondered. Her face then formed a thoughtful expression. "Hmm, perhaps I should explore that further…" The Japanese woman noticed everyone looking at her. "Uhm…for scientific reasons, of course."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight." Beetle agreed. "Anyway, I looked at that blender ten times. In fact, the last time I looked at it, I took it apart and examined each piece. Nothing was wrong."

"That's what it wants you to think…" Ralph whimpered. Elsewhere, Booster Gold picked up the ringing phone and handed it to Beetle.

"Ted, it's Ice. Says it's important…" Beetle took the phone from his teammate.

"Hey Ice, what's up?"

"It's Sue…" Ice replied nervously on the other end. She was using a cell phone. "She's…umm…disappeared."

"Disappeared?" A very confused Beetle blinked. "How did that happen?"

"We don't know." Ice answered. "Mary and I had taken Sue out for shopping in this nice little place downtown. We turned away for just a moment and she just… disappeared."

"Are you sure Sue didn't just wander off without you?" Beetle offered in possible explanation. "Sometimes Booster does that…okay, the results of his wanderings aren't always good, but he does tend to do that sometimes."

"Hey!" Booster yelled indignantly in the background.

"No, she didn't wander off." Ice shook her head. "I looked around for her nearby. Mary's starting to get worried sick. What if something has happened to her?"

"Sue is a grown woman." Beetle reassured. "I'm sure she can handle herself. Anyway, stay put and we'll be there in a bit."

"Okay, see you there." Ice nodded, closing her phone. And with that, Beetle hung up just as a rock came smashing through the window.

"Whoa, look at that!" Booster noted as he picked the rock up. "A bird became petrified and lost its ability to fly."

"It's a rock, you retard." Guy Gardner sighed as he snatched the rock away.

"I knew that. I was just kidding." Booster rolled his eyes. Guy noticed something tied to the rock.

"There's a note attached." He rolled out the note. "It says… _Dear Justice League International, we have Sue Dibny. She will remain unharmed as long as you follow our instructions. Meet us at the Dockyards tonight at 8._" Upon hearing his wife was in trouble, Elongated Man snapped out of his stupor and jumped to his feet.

"Sue's in trouble! We have to get her back!"

"You do realise that it may be a trap." Encantadora commented. "Do you really want to walk straight into it?"

"No _duh_, Encantadora." Fire mocked. "We're not dimbulbs, contrary to _your_ belief. In fact, I'll have you know that I was a government agent for my native Brazil. One of the best, too!" Fire grinned proudly.

_There she goes again._ Guy shook his head. 'Dora laughed.

"Since when did _Brazil_ need secret agents?" The Hispanic woman laughed. Fire fumed.

"Stand down, Fire and Encantadora." Captain Atom piped up. "We can't have dissension in the ranks now."

"As long as these people have one of our own, we have no choice." Beetle replied seriously. "Trap or no trap." The rest of the JLI simply nodded solemnly as they went about getting ready to rescue Sue.

**The Dockyards -**

The members of the JLI walked through the docks.

"This is the meeting place. Now where are they?" Beetle grunted. Dr. Light pulled up her glove, and looked at her watch.

"It's 7:58." The light-powered heroine announced. "Sue's captors have two more minutes. If they do not arrive, I shall be very displeased."

"Oh God, Dr. Light will be displeased. Heaven help the Fatal Five." Booster mocked. Dr. Light glared at the future-born ex-football player.

"Knock it off, Booster." Beetle groaned.

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God…" Ralph fidgeted nervously. "I hope Sue is alright. If they harmed a hair on her, I'm going to…"

"Do not worry, Comrade Stretchy Man." Rocket Red reassured the stretchy sleuth. "Sue Dibny can take care of herself."

"Oh…" Mary Marvel sighed. "I can't believe I let that happen. I should've been watching her more carefully."

"It's alright, Mary. It wasn't your fault." Ice reassured.

"Yeah." Fire agreed. "Sue's not a little kid, Marvel. She can handle herself. If I know her as well as I think I do, I think the Fatal Five are in for a lot of problems."

"Look!" Guy pointed upwards. The JLI looked up and saw a helicopter about to land on a nearby helipad. However, noise could be heard from the helicopter, and the vehicle seemed to be shaking.

"What's that noise?" Beetle blinked. The sounds of crashing and screaming were heard.

"Oh my God! She got loose!" Deadshot yelled.

"**_RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" A familiar roar was heard from the helicopter.

"SUE!" The JLI yelled.

"AGH! MY ARM! THAT HURTS!" Cheshire's scream could be heard from within the chopper.

"SAVE US! SAVE US!" Deadshot exclaimed. **_CRUNCH!_** "**_AIEEEEEE!_**"

"HOLD STILL! OWCH!" Shiva screamed.

"ARGH! GET OFF! GET OFF! THAT IS MY EAR!" Bane howled. The side of the helicopter tore open, and a screaming Bane jumped out through the hole, Sue Dibny catching his masked head in a sleeper hold, cackling madly.

"BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sue cackled.

"GET HER OFF! GET HER OFF!" Bane hacked and wheezed as he started to fall under.

"This is the craziest thing I have ever seen in my life." Beetle blinked. Meanwhile, on the roof of a nearby warehouse, Slade Wilson, the mercenary known as Deathstroke, crouched down onto his stomach with a sniper rifle.

_Good thing I decided to stake out this place before the rest of them arrived._ Slade thought as he aimed his rifle. He pointed it directly at the head of Sue Dibny. Well, he was trying to. "Hold still, you little…" A beam of energy came out of nowhere and hit Slade's rifle, knocking it out of his hands. "AGH!" He looked up and saw Dr. Light hovering.

"No honor among thieves. I am not surprised." The Japanese woman grimaced.

"I thought your light-based powers didn't work in the dark." Slade grunted. Dr. Light scowled.

"And I thought you had enhanced intelligence. I guess we were both wrong." Dr. Light scowled. "In a scientific sense, light is merely more than the visible light the eye can pick up. It also includes radio waves, radiation, and even electromagnetism. I sensed your electromagnetic field, in case you are wondering how I was able to discover you." Slade growled and unsheathed his sword. "A sword. How…primitive."

"Too bad you won't be able to tell your teammates of your little discovery." Slade took a swing with his sword, but just when the sword was about to slice into Dr. Light's shoulder, the scientist's body transformed into her namesake. The sword passed harmlessly through the light that was the scientist, much to Slade's shock. "What?"

"Fool." Dr. Light snorted. "I would finish you off myself, but someone else wishes to."

"Huh?" Slade turned around and saw a fist heading right for his face.

**_POW!_**

With a grunt, Slade fell to the ground. Dr. Light's body returned to normal.

"Just like Guy Gardner, chico." Encantadora smirked at the fallen Slade.

"Uhn…" Deadshot, Cheshire, and Lady Shiva staggered out of the helicopter, groaning.

"My head…" Cheshire moaned.

"Remind me to _never_ kidnap a superhero's wife again." Deadshot grunted.

"HELP ME ACK!" Bane hacked in the background, struggling to get Sue Dibny off him.

"Oh, look." Beetle crossed his arms and smirked. "Looks like you clowns ended up with a handful there with Sue Dibny."

"Oh, shut up!" Deadshot snapped, pointing his wrist guns at Beetle. A white blur raced up and crushed them. Mary Marvel tsked the mercenary sweetly. "Oh you gotta be kidding me ARGH!" He got punched out by Booster. Cheshire and Shiva snapped to attention, but…

"MY EYES!" The two women screamed when they received a faceful of strobe light from Beetle's BB Gun. Then, they got knocked off their feet by an air blast from the same gun.

"That was easy." Beetle blinked at the others as the two women got to their feet and tried to charge the inventor. Suddenly, a pair of green claws came down from the sky and grabbed the two assassins.

"Hey!" Shiva yelled.

"What the-?" Cheshire looked up and saw Guy hovering above the ground. The Green Lantern smirked.

"Now, I like to think of myself as a gentleman." Guy told the two women.

"You, a gentleman? Hah!" Fire scoffed.

"Bea!" Ice admonished.

"You see, whenever I meet a woman, I always offer them a drink!" Guy guffawed as he dropped a screaming Cheshire and Shiva into the water.

"Yeah!" Booster grinned.

"I have never been so humiliated in all my life." Shiva growled while treading water.

"Speak for yourself!" Cheshire snapped at Shiva. She then turned to Guy. "I got a special poison with your name on it, Gardner!"

"Anyone ever told you that you're cute when you're mad?" Guy smirked arrogantly.

"GUY!" Ice exclaimed.

"What?" Guy blinked.

"SUE! LET HIM GO!" Ralph tried to pull a cackling Sue off of a clearly unconscious Bane. "Sue! You can stop now! He's out cold! You'll kill him! Let him go!" With help from Booster, Rocket Red, and Captain Atom, the stretchy detective was able to pull of his angry wife.

**JLI Headquarters, some time later**

"I'd buy **that** for a dollar!" The TV in the living room blasted, accompanied by laughter from the studio audience. That in turn was accompanied by the laughter of Sue Dibny. The dark-haired woman was sitting on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her, and holding a cup of cocoa.

"Hee hee hee…" She noticed a shadow. The dark-haired woman looked up and saw a dejected-looking Mary Marvel standing there. "Hey Mary, is something bothering you?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Dibny." Mary sniffed.

"For what?" Sue blinked.

"I was told that some of the League's enemies knew about you and…" Mary sniffed. She looked like she was about to cry. "I should've watched over you better." Sue chuckled.

"Mary, don't be sad." Sue reassured. "It wasn't your fault. I can take care of myself. I knew very well what I'd get into when I married Ralph. I still did anyway, because I loved him. I still do. Sit down." Sue patted the couch next to her. Mary sat down next to her. "It's not your fault. I wasn't afraid. Besides, those five were clowns. And I knew my hubby and my friends would come to the rescue. Corny, but true." Mary cracked a little smile. "See? Now why don't you watch this show with me? This is so funny." The two women heard a door slam. Booster stomped by.

"ARG! I HATE RALPH!" The future-born hero screamed angrily. "If he starts yakking about beating those five clowns all by themselves, I'm going to SCREAM! I'm going to bed." Booster stomped upstairs toward his bedroom. He opened the door, and found his room full of chickens. The ex-football player's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Chickens…" He started to shake. "Chickens…" He got very panicky. "CHICKENS! AHHHHHHH!" He ran away screaming. In a flash of light, a hovering Dr. Light appeared at a corner of the football players' room, carrying a clipboard.

"Fascinating." The Japanese woman smirked, writing something on her clipboard. "This phenomenon does indeed warrant further study." Meanwhile, a screeching Booster was running towards Beetle's room. He pounded on the door desperately.

"BEETLE, CHICKENS HAVE INVADED MY ROOM! HELP ME GET THEM OUUUUUUT!"

**_Next: Holy Crossovers!_**_ In a crazy dimensional caper, Justice League International gets kidnapped to a universe, run by a certain obese creature, where they run into heroes of Uncanny R-Man's version of the Marvel Universe!_


	15. Holy Crossovers!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**Disclaimer: "Good day, Batman." - Black Panther, JLA/Avengers**

**_Chapter 15: Holy Crossovers…or Crisis on Two Earths!_**

**Mojoworld**

Mojo, the fat pus-colored multi-color-braided despot ruler of the television-obsessed dimension of Mojoworld, was contemplating.

"Hmmm…" The fat creature thought out loud to himself. "According to the latest ratings, people love my Superhero fights, but they're getting tried of seeing me put the X-Men on the stage. They want to see new heroes! Yes, the X-Men's world is full of heroes…" Major Domo walked in.

"Sir, the dimensional viewer is finished." He reported. "You can now look at other worlds." Mojo grinned.

"Splendid! Bring it in!" The fat pus-colored tyrant ordered. Domo brought in the machine. It looked like a big screen TV.

"Here's the remote." Domo handed Mojo the remote. "If I may be so bold, I tuned into a world where there are heroes you may find very amusing." He switched on the display. Mojo watched the screen. The crazy fat creature's grin widened.

"I LIKE THEM!" Mojo grinned. "BRING THEM IN!"

**The Justice Embassy, ****London****, Earth-1.55 (1)**

Justice League International were enjoying a typical English breakfast: sausage, bacon, the works. Booster was particularly enjoying it.

"Wow, Booster." Beetle blinked at his friend. "You're really enjoying that black pudding."

"Yeah." Booster grinned as he continued eating the confection. "Man, this black pudding _rocks!_" Ralph and Guy looked at each other, then shook their heads.

"Man, he is not going to like it if he finds out what it is." Ralph muttered to himself, shaking his head. Booster continued to happily guzzle the pudding, not noticing the looks the other members of the JLI were shooting at him.

_Man, how can he **stand** that stuff?_ Fire winced. Meanwhile, Kimiyo Hoshi, aka Dr. Light, stared at the future-born fame-seeking blond. She appeared to be amused.

"Man, I can't believe how incredibly **good** black pudding is!" Booster grinned. "Man, I thought I wouldn't like _any_ English food! Hey Beetle, you gotta try this!" He thrust his plate full of black pudding at Beetle. Beetle was having the standard sausages and bacon, but next to him was a box of donuts with the label "W. West" on it.

"Uhhh, no thanks, Booster! I'm fine!" Beetle quickly pushed the plate away. Booster blinked.

"Man, what is up with you all?" Booster blinked in confusion. "None of you want to try this stuff, and it's pretty good!"

"Booster, have you ever thought about _why_ no one wants to eat the black pudding?" Ralph shook his head. Booster blinked.

"Uh…no. I think everyone here is just afraid to try new things."

"Booster, do you have any idea what black pudding is made of?" Dr. Light smirked.

"Uh oh…" Fire gulped.

"Hoo boy…" Guy winced.

"No, but I suppose you're going to tell me." Booster grunted. With a look that screamed that she was going to enjoy and savor every single second, Dr. Light leaned forward in her seat, placing her elbows on the table, and rested her chin on her hands.

"Oh no…" Rocket Red paled.

"Oh dear God no…" Captain Atom winced.

"Black pudding is made of…" Dr. Light shot Booster an evil smirk. "…reconstituted…"

"Hoshi, stop!" Beetle waved his arms.

"Kimi, no!" Ice exclaimed.

"…pig's blood." The Japanese woman finished. The revelation hit Booster like a ton of bricks.

"Re…con…tu…" Booster stammered. "Pig…pig…pig…pig…pig…" Booster's face turned green.

"Uh oh…" Beetle winced.

"Oh no!" Booster's cheeks expanded to the size of basketballs. The blond ex-football player quickly clapped his hand in front of his mouth. He started to leave the room when he suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.

"Hoshi, what did you-?" Beetle started to ask, but was interrupted by the Japanese scientist shaking her head.

"I had nothing to do with that." She told the inventor. Suddenly, in a flash of light, the rest of the JLI disappeared.

"Hey, guys." Sue Dibny called out as she and Encantadora walked into the kitchen. Sue was carrying some mail. "Guess what we got in the…mail…" She and 'Dora noticed that the kitchen was empty. "What the-?"

"Where'd everybody go?" 'Dora scratched her head.

"They must be at a mission or something." Sue shrugged. "Or knowing that bunch, somehow they got themselves into something very weird. You want waffles?"

**The Justice League Watchtower**

Wally West, known to young and old as the heroic speedster the Flash, was rummaging through the fridge in the kitchen of the Justice League Watchtower.

"Hey!" Flash exclaimed when he poked his head out. "Who keeps taking my freakin' donuts?" He started zipping around, asking everyone he could find. He got a variety of responses in the negative from a "No, I haven't." from J'onn, a "NO, NOW GET OUT OF HERE!" from Green Arrow, to a glare from Batman. "Man…" He pouted, kicking a wall. "Aw well, I'll go down to Earth and pick up some more." He raced to the teleporters and they took him to his hometown of Central City. While there, he noticed a nearby newsstand. The Fastest Man Alive decided that while he was there, he'd pick himself up a comic book.

"Aren't you a little old for comic books, pal?" The newsstand owner asked the Scarlet Speedster.

"And aren't you a little young to be ranting about punk kids?" Flash joked good-naturedly as he handed the man some money. Flash then opened the comic and read it. "Heh…a teenager in blue armor that gives him super speed. What'll they think up next…Hey, this is really good…I should've picked this up before." **(2)** He disappeared in a flash of light.

**Cleveland, ****Ohio****, Earth 616.5 (3)**

"Grrr…" The cat-like ex-Morlock and current Hellion called Feral, clad in a low-cut pink, purple, and black costume, snarled angrily, standing in the ruins of a store in a mall. Standing across from her was the blond-maned super-powered teenage rocker known as Kid Razor. He was dressed in his trademark red tights with black-and-gold razor blades, black boots with gold and red fringe. The tights had a Van Halen shirt tucked into them, and the shirt was covered by a sleeveless red leather jacket with black-and-gold highlights. His face paint was red with black-and-gold stripes on it. His hands and wrists were covered by red wristcuffs with red fringe, and each one adorned by a black-and-gold razor blade. He was holding his mystical guitar like a samurai would hold a sword, with the body high into the air.

"Babe, this guitar is a red Fender Stratocaster with golden pickups and a black-and-gold pickguard. It's also enchanted, which makes it completely indestructible. In a contest between this guitar and your skull, who do you think will win?" Razor smirked at the psychotic cat-woman.

"You've never went up against someone who finds enjoyment in killing, have you?" Feral smirked.

"Lady, I fought an immortal old witch with an affinity for black leather. What do you think?" Razor answered in a deadpan voice. Feral snarled and started to charge. Razor shook his head. He quickly took his guitar's strap and threw it over his shoulder. He pointed the head at the charging psychotic feral. "Alright you primitive half-animal screwhead, say hello to my magic six-string BOOMSTICK!" Just when Feral was close enough to slash Razor's face with her claws, Razor strummed his guitar. A blast of rainbow-colored energy hit the cat woman in the stomach, throwing her into a wall. She went right through it.

"I…hate…Ash…" Feral mumbled before drifting off into unconsciousness. Razor smirked at the fallen feral.

"Groovy." The Fearless One's superhuman hearing picked up the whistle of something flying towards him. Calling upon the immense amounts of cool he possessed, Razor ducked as the large body of the Apache mutant codenamed Warpath flew over him and into a support column. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt." Razor winced. "Could be worse, though." He shrugged. "The Kid of Rock could've accidentally walked in on that Husk chick playing Midnight Cowgirl again with Warren the Wingman."

"I would love to see the look on your face myself to be honest, Razor." The familiar blue-armored figure of Sonic Blue grinned as he raced up to Razor.

"Hardy-har-har." Razor mocked. "Shouldn't those X-People be taking care of these monkey asses? Oh yeah, the Kid of Rock forgot, those New York heroes don't give a damn about Middle America."

"Whatever you say, Razor." Spencer rolled his eyes. "I wonder how Ramada is doing against Roulette." The boys heard screaming.

"TASTE FIST, BLONDE WENCH!" They heard Ramada yell, and then it was followed by a very high-pitched feminine scream. The second scream was not Ramada.

"Oh, I think Ramada is doing _juuuust_ fine." Razor smirked. Suddenly, in a flash of light, the boys disappeared.

**Central Park****New York**** City, Earth 616.5**

"Unnnnnnnnnnnh…Oh…" The Hobgoblin and the Super-Skrull moaned. They laid on a field in pain and bound by webbing.

"Another day, another super-villain." Spider-Man sighed. Standing next to him was Johnny Storm, the Human Torch.

"You know, we should seriously start getting paid for this stuff." Johnny nodded.

"I sure could use it." Spidey nodded. "I mean, stuff is so expensive today. It costs three bucks to buy a darned comic book."

"Inflation sucks." Johnny shrugged.

"Oh, I just remembered!" Spidey realized. "I have to get more OJ for the wife! She'll beat me with a pillow if I don't!"

"Yeah, I gotta go with Lyja to get stuff for the baby. It's going to be _greeeeeat_" The teen idol drawled. "Man, she's gone nuts."

"Just keep repeating to yourself: It's only the hormones. It's only the hormones…" Spidey joked.

"Since when did you become an expert on this stuff?" Johnny crossed his arms.

"I use a skill you don't have. I read." Spidey answered.

"Ha ha." Johnny drawled. "I'll have you know that I am a-" The fire-powered hero never got to finish his sentence as the two heroes disappeared in a flash of white light.

**The Xavier Institute, Earth 616.5**

Bobby Drake, the ice-powered hero known as the Iceman, was busy drawing a diagram in his room. It was for his latest prank.

"Now let's see…" Bobby mumbled to himself. "Should I fill the vat with ketchup or with hot water with red food coloring? The hot water looks the most like blood, but it can scald and cause some real bad damage. The ketchup is classic and non-lethal, but it's also cliché." He noticed a green-haired woman dressed in a purple uniform standing at the door. It was Lorna Dane, the magnetism-manipulating mutant codenamed Polaris. She and Bobby have been dating for a while. "Hey."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm just planning my latest prank." Bobby explained.

"Can I help?" Lorna grinned.

"I'm just looking to see what would scare Cyclops more, ketchup or hot water with red food dye." Bobby chuckled.

"If you're going for the fake blood thing, definitely ketchup." Lorna shrugged. "If you want to hurt him physically, the hot water."

"Good point." Bobby nodded. "Ketchup it is." He scribbled on his blueprint…and then he disappeared in a flash of light. Lorna's jaw dropped.

"Bobby?" She peeked around the desk. "Awwwwwww! I was hope we could snuggle on the couch and watch a movie tonight!"

**The ****Baxter****Building**

"Bbbbbbbbb…Here comes the airplane…" Reed Richards, aka Mr. Fantastic, moved the spoon full of baby food around like an airplane in front of his little daughter Val. The baby girl scrunched up her nose. "Please Val, you must eat this. This food will provide a great amount of nutrition to ensure your healthy growth." The baby shook her head. Reed sighed.

"Dear, maybe you should tell Val that it tastes good." Sue Richards chuckled as she walked in. Reed nodded.

"I thought he was going to join me here." The scientist remembered. "Considering he himself is about to become a father."

"You know Johnny, never can keep his focus." Sue rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Speaking of focus…" Reed remembered, putting the baby food on the high chair. "I have to go check on-" He never got to finish as he was teleported away in a flash of light.

"Reed!" Sue exclaimed. "Oh my God!"

**Avengers International HQ, ****London****, Earth 616.5**

"Thanks for coming in to help us fix up this blasted console." Monica Rambeau, the Avengers International member known as Photon, said to a figure that was working under a console.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." The figure rolled out, revealing himself to be Forge, the mysterious Cheyenne mutant with the innate talent for invention. Monica shook her head.

"You have a great attitude, you know that?" She teased.

"If you say so." Forge rolled his eyes. "I had a tough life."

"Yeah, I can imagine with the shaman thing and all that." Monica nodded. Forge glared.

"How'd you find out about that?"

"I know people who know people. That's all I'm allowed to say." Monica joked.

"Hey, I just got a call from Avengers Mansion!" Jessica Drew, the heroine known as Spider-Woman, announced as she walked in. "Tony and Jen's vanished!"

"Iron Man and She-Hulk missing?" Forge blinked. "What happened?"

"He just up and disappered in a flash of light. Poof!" Jessica answered. Suddenly, Monica and Forge vanished. "Yeah, just like that…Ooh boy…"

**Elsewhere in ****London**

"Ahhh…" Carol Danvers, dressed in her Warbird costume, with a bag over her shoulder, smiled happily as she flew over the skies of London. "Nothing more relaxing than a nice flight. I just hope London's infamous fog doesn't mess this up. Barely see anything through all that pea soup." She landed on top of a shop. "Lucky me. I've been wanting to come here." She opened up her bag and pulled out some civilian clothes. She pulled off her mask. "I'd better get into these before I go in. Would be kind of stupid to walk in there in costume." She vanished in a brief flash of light.

**_Next: Who ARE You People?_**

**(1) - Okay, this is how I, L1701E, see it here, the comic DC Universe is Earth-1 (A nod to the Silver Age DCU/Pre-Crisis Earth-1), the universe JLU is set in is Earth 1.5, and the universe "Uncanny Justice League" and "Uncanny Superbuddies" is set on Earth 1.55**

**(2) - This is a joke on the Pre-Crisis Earths. On Earth-1, the Silver Age Flash, Barry Allen, was inspired to take his name by reading a comic book that featured the Golden Age Flash, Jay Garrick, who was a living native of Earth-2. **

**(3) - In the fic "The New Exiles", co-written by Uncanny R-Man and Agent-G (Who hates Kid Razor's guts for some reason), it was revealed that the URM-Verse is designated Earth 616.5.**


	16. Who ARE You People?

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**And L1701E**

_To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Glad you liked all the craziness! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Gifts and Curses"!_

_To The Uncanny R-Man: Hey there, R-Man! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter. Yeah, I had figured I had better put in some humour scenes with the URM-Marvel heroes. Yeah, Spidey, the Torch, Razor, and Sonic Blue would be very irritated by it. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Doza: Hey there, Doza! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yup, this is the first-ever crossover between the URM Marvel and DC Universes. I hope you enjoy it. Actually, I don't think the URM-DC Batman is that big a jerk. He's based on the DCAU Batman, which is considered a great interpretation of the character. Besides, in the URM-DC Universe, Batsy is intimidating, but not to the point he is currently in the comics. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Lamont Mallory: Hey there, Lamont! Nice to hear from you again! I'm very glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, the crossover with Friday the 13th was a pretty funny idea. I have no idea how I came up with it. I guess it was just another random thought. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of your Kimiyo Hoshi Dr. Light fic!_

**Disclaimer: "It's slime time." - Dan Ackroyd as Ray Stantz, Ghostbusters II.**

**_Chapter 16: Who ARE You People?_**

**Mojoworld-**

The Superbuddies found themselves in a giant white room. There was also another group of costumed figures along with them. Guy Gardner angrily spun around and grabbed Booster by the collar.

"What the **_hell_** did you do to us, you freak?" The redheaded Green Lantern yelled angrily at the future-born hero. "I don't know how, but this has got to be all your fault!"

"How do you make **that** out, Gardner?" Booster sneered defensively as he shoved Guy away from him.

"Cuz it usually _is_ your fault, dumbass." Guy groused. "What have you done to us this time?"

"Hey! You two cut that out!" Fire hissed as she swatted the two arguing heroes upside the head. "The more time you idiots spend screwing around, the less time Teddy has to come up with a plan." Beetle blinked at that.

"Hey wait, why do **I** have to be the one to come up with a plan?" Beetle asked.

"Because you're the leader." Fire answered, sidling up to the blue-costumed inventor. "And also, I _loooove_ it when you use your brain. Mmm, big brains are _sooo_ sexy."

"But Ralph's the detective here…" Beetle blinked. "Surely he's got a plan." The members of the JLI turned to the stretchy sleuth. Ralph just scrunched his face in thought. After what appeared to be hours, the Elongated Man finally gave an answer.

"…I got nothing." Ralph shrugged.

"Wait, what about your nose?" Captain Atom remembered. "It always twitches when there's a mystery, right? Why isn't it twitching right now?"

"I just made that up for the publicity." Ralph shrugged.

"But Green Arrow…"

"Green Arrow's got a bald spot." Ralph rolled his eyes. "That's why he wears the hat."

"Hey, um…" The Flash piped up, raising his head. "Why am _I_ here? I'm not one of the JLI."

"I dunno, Flash." Beetle told the Scarlet Speedster.

"Perhaps none of you noticed, but we appear to have company." Dr. Light pointed at the other group of heroes. The JLI turned and noticed the heroes. "Anyone recognize any of them?"

"Nope." Beetle shook his head.

"A lot of them look like something some old fart cooked up in the 1960s." Booster snickered.

"Funny you should talk, Goldie." A certain blond-maned super-powered teenage rocker snickered at Booster. "The Kid of Rock thinks you look like a leftover from the Me Decade."

"At least _I_ don't look like the product of the imagination of a college student who watched too many 80s rock videos and too much wrestling!" Booster snapped.

"Whoa!" Ice held up her hands. "Hey, stop! Let's not fight here. Now, we're all stuck here, so we might as well try to find out how we got here."

"Hey, how do we know that you or one of your pals over there caused us to be in this situation?" A muscular green-skinned green-haired woman crossed her arms.

"What're you insinuating, ya Martian wannabe?" Guy snapped.

"What do you **think**, ya Moe Howard wannabe?" The green woman snapped back.

"Easy there, Jolly Green Giantess." Ralph tried to calm the two groups of heroes down. "Look, Ice has a point."

"_Ice?_" A man who appeared to be made of ice laughed. "Isn't that a little unoriginal?" Ice pouted.

"I think it's nice."

"It fits her." Beetle chuckled. "Because Ice is so nice."

"Oh, I thought people stopped making that joke." Ice sighed.

"Look who's talking, Ice**man**." A teenage boy in blue armor rolled his eyes.

"And how do we know it wasn't any of _you_ that brought us here?" Captain Atom suggested, pointing at the other group of heroes.

"Trust me, we don't _wanna_ be here." A blond man dressed in a blue uniform with a blue "4" in a white circle on the chest moaned. "I thought that jerk would leave me alone!"

"I have heard about this place before." An older man dressed in the same uniform looked around in fascination. His brown hair was white at the temples. He stretched his neck, making Ralph's jaw drop and literally hit the floor.

"Hey, that guy has powers just like mine!" Ralph exclaimed.

"What is it with nerds and blue?" Guy grumbled.

"Fascinating…" The white-templed blue-uniformed man stretched his neck to take a look at the 'Buddies. "Hmm…since our mysterious benefactor…"

"It ain't **that** mysterious who the fat retarded monkey behind this is." The icy man grumbled.

"…has the ability to bring people into his world from our home dimension, then logically, he should be able to draw other denizens of other dimensions." The white-templed man looked over the 'Buddies in fascination.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait." Beetle waved his arms. "You're saying we're in another _dimension?_"

"Not just any dimension." The icy man grunted angrily. "I've been here. It sucks."

"Yeah." The blue-armoured teenager agreed.

"Oh, momentous joy! Looks like my contestants have arrived!" A voice whooped. Then, much to the 'Buddies surprise, and to the chagrin of the other group of heroes, a giant TV screen appeared in the wall. As the screen flashed into life, a pus-coloured, morbidly obese, rainbow-braided figure appeared on the screen. Over with the other group of heroes, a suspiciously familiar red-and-blue figure smacked himself upside the head in realisation.

"Awww, crud. It's freaking Mojo. _Again._" He moaned. The icy man grunted.

"Not this moron again…" The blond super-rocker moaned.

"Aw, man…" The blue-armoured teenager moaned. "Not this idiot again. Last time he kidnapped me, I got dropped into a tag-team wrestling match!" **(1)**

"Who's Mojo?" Ice blinked.

"The Universe's Fattest TV Executive." The blond teenage rocker muttered.

"That would be me, my Norwegian Nugget of Niceness." Mojo grinned evilly. "My name is Mojo, and I will be your host for the rest of your lives!"

"That's what you think, ya ugly blob!" Guy growled as his body began to glow green with the activating of his Power Ring.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Spanky." Mojo warned in a happy sing-song voice. "You wouldn't want to make me angry." Guy scoffed.

"Yeah, right." Guy scoffed. "What're you gonna do, fat boy? Eat a chocolate cake in front of me NYEEAARGH!" Guy screamed in pain as his body was bombarded with electric shocks.

"_Guy!_" Ice screamed in horror. "Leave him alone, you monster!" The shocks stopped, leaving a moaning Guy, who was on his hands and knees on the floor.

"Jackass…" Guy growled. "That…the best…ya…got?"

"Didn't I just say that you wouldn't like me when I'm angry?" Mojo grinned. "Enough with all this chumminess, let's get on with the show…"

"Show? What kind of show is he talking about?" A puzzled Dr. Light blinked.

"Knowing Mojo, it's not going to be good." The red-and-blue-and-spider-web-wearing figure told the light-powered scientist.

Before either group of heroes could move to defend themselves, they all disappeared in a flash of light.

**The Morlock Tunnels: Blue Beetle & Forge-**

When the stars had finally disappeared from Beetle's vision, he found himself in the sewers somewhere with a tanned Native American guy with a goatee beard, dressed in black.

"Oh great…" Beetle winced as he held his nose while he got to his feet. "Just freaking great. Why not send us to somewhere _really_ fragrant, like Booster's underwear drawer or something!"

"I have something that might help with the smell." The goatee guy remembered as he fished something out of his pocket. He handed a couple small objects to the blue-suited inventor. "They're nasal filters. They should help with the smell."

"Thanks." Beetle nodded gratefully as he popped the filters into his nose. "I'm Blue Beetle by the way."

"Forge." Goatee guy shook Beetle's hand. "It looks like Mojo's up to his old tricks, kidnapping people from other realities for his own entertainment."

"Has this kind of junk happened to you before?" Beetle asked with a sigh. "I've never met this Mojo guy."

"Oh yeah. It happens a lot. And Mojo's a jerk." Forge nodded. "This kind of thing is old hat to the X-Men, considering Mojo's one of his regular enemies."

"X-Men?" Beetle blinked.

"A super-team from my world. Composed of mutants." Forge explained. "In my world, mutants are people born with an extra gene called the X-Factor or the X-Gene. The gene usually activates during puberty, usually granting superpowers."

"Kind of like metahumans in our world, only less complex." Beetle nodded in understanding. "Although where I come from, all people who have superpowers, no matter how they obtain them, are called metahumans."

"Huh." Forge nodded. "That's interesting."

"Yeah." Beetle agreed. "I'm just glad that it's not Darkseid." Beetle shivered. "That guy gives me the creeps."

"Darksied?" Forge wondered. "Never met him."

"Be glad you didn't." Beetle shuddered. "Face like a Cliffside. Rules a planet called Apokolips. He makes Saddam Hussein look like Santa Claus." Forge nodded.

"You should see Magneto when he's in prime taking over the world mode." Forge added with a chuckle. "It's quite a sight. He's a mutant like I am, with magnetic powers."

"A bad guy with magnetic powers." Beetle chuckled. "Reminds me of Dr. Polaris where I come from."

"Polaris?" Forge blinked. "A woman I know in my world with the same powers goes by that name! She has green hair like that woman who appeared to be fawning over you." Beetle started laughing.

"Oh, my God! Are you serious?" Forge answered Beetle's question with a nod. "Wow. Here I was thinking our worlds would be very different. I guess not." He then started to look around. "Hn. I don't recognize the surroundings. Do you have any idea where we are?" Forge looked around, and he instantly recognized the area.

"We're in what used to be known as the Morlock Tunnels." Forge explained. "A tribe of mutants used to live here, until they were massacred that was." **(2)**

"Are we supposed to fight each other or something?" Beetle thought out loud. "Cuz I'm new to this thing."

"Oh my stars and garters, no." A refined, yet savage voice growled from the shadows above their heads. "If you two leap at each other's throats, there won't be anything left for Sladey and me." Forge's jaw dropped when he heard that voice.

"Oh, hell no." Forge groaned.

"I told you to call me Deathstroke." Another voice hissed, completely ignoring the two heroes.

"Oh, man…" Beetle moaned.

"Whatever." The first voice shrugged Deathstroke's comment off. "What do you say we beat these gents very soundly about the posterior?"

"Sounds good to me." The second voice answered. Beetle and Forge jumped out of their way as their opponents jumped down into the murky sewer water.

"Oh, now that just will not do." The fuzzy grey feline mutant known as Dark Beast growled as he examined his furry foot. "Oh, dear. Now look what has happened. Do you know how hard it is to wash the stink of sewer water out of your fur? It's not very pleasant."

"Less talking, McCoy." The mercenary and former nemesis of the Teen Titans known as Deathstroke growled. "Let's see how long it takes to turn these two into burger meat."

"Oh fantabulous…' Dark Beast rolled his eyes. "Now you're making me hungry…"

**New York: Booster Gold and Spider-Man-**

Booster Gold found himself on top of a building somewhere in New York. He was also with a guy dressed in a red and blue costume with a black spider on the chest.

"Well, at least I get the home ground." Spider-Man sniffed, looking around. "Pity it couldn't be at home sitting on the couch in front of the TV with my loving wife."

"Yeah, no kidding." Booster nodded. "So…who are you?"

"Me?" Spidey blinked. "I'm just your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man."

"I'm sure you've heard of me then, being a superhero and all." Booster grinned cheesily, striking a heroic pose. Spidey blinked under his mask.

"Uhm…no offense…but no." Booster's jaw dropped at Spider-Man's statement.

"But…but…but…" Booster stammered. "I-I-I'm Booster Gold! I'm famous! I'm on TV!" Spider-Man blinked.

"Buddy, you're from another dimension, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Booster remembered. "Right." He looked at Spider-Man. "Spider-Man, huh? Why that name? Seems goofy."

"You should talk. My super-name describes my powers. Spider-based abilities. And what kind of codename is Booster Gold?" Spider-Man chuckled.

"I think my superhero name screams Space Age cool." Booster grinned.

"Sounds like something from the 80s." The arachnid-themed hero grinned. Booster grunted at Spider-Man's statement.

"Oh, whatever." Booster snorted. He then noticed the scene. "This looks like New York."

"It is." Spider-Man confirmed. "I see the Empire State Building."

"Wait…" Booster blinked when he noticed something odd. "This isn't my reality's New York. What the heck's the Daily Bugle?"

"Doy! It's a newspaper." Spider-Man snorted.

"What's a newspaper?" Booster blinked.

"Oy with the alternate reality heroes…" Spider-Man groaned into his hands.

"What?" Booster looked confused. "_What?_ I'm from several centuries into the future!" He then heard a voice.

"What's the matter, Parker? Don't we get a hug?" Spider-Man leapt back at the sudden voice's source: An overly-muscled black-costumed man with a gaping sharp-toothed maw with a white black widow design on the chest smirked.

"Venom!" Spider-Man growled. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Booster's face showed disgust at the sight of Venom.

"The same thing we usually do when we're in town." The psychotic, drooling muscular symbiote villain hissed. "Namely kicking your butt!"

"Ewww!" Booster winced at the sight of Venom. "That is one ugly mother-!"

"_You_ don't have to put up with him, Goldie." Spider-Man grumbled.

"Hey! Save some for me, Brock." A Scottish accented voice told the symbiotic psychopath. Booster spun around at the sound of the voice.

"Mirror Master!" Booster narrowed his eyes. "Show yourself!"

"_Mirror Master?_" Spider-Man snickered. Booster groaned.

"Don't ask."

"Where's the fun in that, Booster lad?" The presently invisible Rogue chuckled. "Can ye no' find me?"

"What do you say we have a nice old-fashioned fight scene?" Venom grinned as he leered at Spider-Man.

"You got it, Brock." Spider-Man growled as he leapt at the villain. "I owe you big time!"

**Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveland, Ohio - Guy Gardner and Kid Razor-**

Guy Gardner scratched his head as he looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings. He noted that he appeared to be in some kind of museum, only this museum was dedicated to rock music.

"Where the hell am I?" Guy scowled as he looked around. He then noticed one exhibit. "AC/DC. Cool."

"You're in the greatest city in the world, buddy. Welcome to Cleveland!" A figure laughed. Guy turned and met the source: The blond teenage super-rocker known as the Fearless Kid Razor. The World's Greatest Guitarist was leaning the glass case containing a dummy dressed as John Lennon, arms crossed and smirk on his face.

"Riiight…" Guy nodded. "And you would be…?"

"The Ultimate Rockstar, the Heavy Metal Heartbreaker, the Jukebox Avenger, the man men want to be, and the women want to be with, the one-and-only Kid of Rock and Roll… Kid Razor!" Razor smirked, introducing himself proudly and loudly. Guy wasn't impressed.

"Kid Razor? Heh." Guy scoffed at the teenage super-guitarist. "You're a superhero?"

"As well as a multi-platinum musician." Razor bragged. Guy scoffed.

"You look like a little punk to me with a big mouth and a fancy guitar." Guy scoffed. "And what's with the outfit? Ya look like a wannabe pro wrestler."

"Coming from a clown with a Moe Howard haircut, the Kid of Rock considers it a compliment." Razor laughed. Guy grunted. "And what's with the symbol on your chest and fancy ring?"

"I'm a Green Lantern, kiddo. But you ain't talkin' to just any Green Lantern, kiddo. You're talkin' to the _best_ of the Green Lanterns." Guy smirked. Razor laughed.

"Green Lantern? What the heck is a Green Lantern?" Razor laughed.

"Think a space cop, kiddo." Guy smirked. "And what's with the guitar?"

"Enchanted. Gives superpowers." Razor shrugged.

"Whatever." The Green Lantern shrugged. "Where are those villains we're supposed to be fighting anyway?" Razor shrugged.

"Hell if the Kid of Rock knows." Razor grunted. "You know, they could at _least_ attack on time. The Kid of Rock had plans today."

"You and me both, kid." Guy agreed.

"Right behind you, Lantern."

"Oh, crap…" Guy groaned as he recognised the voice. "Sinestro."

"Sinestro?" Razor blinked. He flipped his guitar into playing position and plucked it. An aura of rainbow light appeared around the fearless super-rocker.

"I'm glad you remember me." The arrogant rogue ex-Green Lantern smirked. "You may not be Hal Jordan, but I will enjoy peeling the flesh from your bones, and of course, taking your ring."

"Whadda madda, Sinestro?" Guy mocked. "Still mad because the Guardians fired your ass?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! The Kid of Rock walked in the middle of this concert! What's this all about?" Razor blinked, confused.

"Pinky here used to be a GL, but his ass got fired." Guy explained.

"The Guardians had no right to strip my ring from me." Sinestro countered. "I had maintained order in my sector, just as they would've wanted."

"Oh, please." Guy scowled. "You ruled your sector with an iron fist. You let your power go to your damn head, and you decided to play dictator!"

"It was the only way to maintain order."

"You didn't want order, you just wanted control!" Guy snapped. "You're nothin' but an overgrown control freak!"

"Enough!" Sinestro snapped, firing a yellow blast of energy at Guy and Razor. The two heroes barely managed to dodge it. "I know of you, Gardner. I know you are not the type to submit to another's will. And based on what I see in the eyes of your unusually-garbed friend, he is not the type as well."

"You're damn right about that, you Mandarin-wannabe!" Razor snapped. "The Kid of Rock's always done things _his_ way!"

"Then I have no choice, but to crush the two of you."

"Ooh, now that sounds like my kind of fun." A feminine voice purred. The voice shocked and confused Kid Razor. Well, it more confused him than shocked him.

"The hell?" Razor mumbled to himself, turning around. "It can't be…" He saw a familiar feminine figure. Razor's face contorted into a scowl. "Oh, hell no…"

"What's the matter Razor? No kiss for an old friend?"

"I haven't got anything for _you_, ya old witch!" Kid Razor growled. Selene, former Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, and Kid Razor's oldest enemy, just laughed out loud. Ironically, she was dressed in her old Hellfire Club costume, which really confused the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll, considering she was more likely to be wearing a Fantastic Four costume nowadays. **(5)**

"You always were so much fun to play with, boy. Pity I'll have to kill you now." The sorceress smirked. Guy's jaw dropped.

"**_Damn_**, kid!" Guy drooled at the black-haired Roman-featured woman, who was essentially only dressed in black leather lingerie and a cape. "You fight **_that?_** You lucky-!"

"She was my biggest enemy. Key word: **_Was_**." Razor scowled. "She's supposedly reformed. Back in the day, she was one evil hag. Murdered one of my heroes. She also killed one of my best friends, and tortured his soul. It's a long story JUMPIN' JUDAS PRIEST!" Razor narrowly leapt out of the way of one of Selene's fireballs. The World's Greatest Guitarist laughed. "Just like old times, Queenie. Only your aim's gotten even worse. And it was pretty bad during the day."

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun…" Selene laughed evilly.

**Blue Area of the Moon: Fire and the Human Torch-**

Fire looked around at the barren landscape around her. She noticed something very strange.

"Okay. This is just wrong." The Brazilian model/spy blinked. "We're on the moon, but I'm still my fiery form. I shouldn't even be _breathing_ up here!"

"That's because we're in the Blue Area of the Moon." Fire's companion, a handsome blond guy dressed in a blue uniform with a 4 symbol on his chest. "Attilan, to be more precise." Fire looked the blonde man up and down, changing back into her human form.

"At least it's not a total loss." Fire smirked. "You seeing someone, handsome?"

"Sorry, I'm taken." Johnny chuckled. Fire pouted.

"All the good ones always are." The green-haired woman pouted.

"I noticed you had powers like mine. That's pretty cool. I'm Johnny Storm." The blond man grinned.

"Really?" Fire blinked. "That's something. I'm Beatriz da Costa. They call me Fire."

"Fire?" The blond man laughed. "That's rather…unoriginal, isn't it?"

"Excuse me? I think it fits." Fire crossed her arms. "And what do they call you?"

"The Human Torch, although one of my teammates back home tends to call me Bic-Head." Fire burst out laughing. "What?"

"The…the…_Human **Torch?**_" Fire laughed. "That sounds like a superhero name from the 1930s!"

"Well, there **_was_** another Human Torch before me." Johnny rolled his eyes. "An android created during World War II. When I got my powers, I used the name as a tribute."

"Huh." Fire shrugged. "So tell me, what's this Blue Area? My reality's Moon doesn't have one of those."

"Home of the Inhumans, a genetic offshoot of humanity." Johnny explained. He looked around. Speaking of Inhumans, the place should be swarming with them about now. What happened to them…?"

"_I_ happened, Human!" An arrogant voice hissed. The source stalked up to the two fire-powered heroes, a Skrull.

"Aww, _man!_" Johnny Storm groaned. "You just don't give up, do you?"

"Who's the frog-face?" Fire wondered.

"Paibok." Johnny explained with a sigh. "He's a Skrull."

"Skrull? Never heard of them."

"Alien from my reality." Johnny whispered. "That particular one is my girl-friend's ex." **(3)**

"Power Skrull, actually." Paibok reminded him. "Now, shall we get down to business? I have other worlds to conquer, you know."

"Not so fast, Power-Skrull." A monotone voice piped up. The source appeared next to the Power-Skrull: A bald pale skinny man with red-tinted glasses, dressed in a black-and-light blue armoured suit with a dome over his head. He was carrying a futuristic-looking gray handgun. "We were supposed to take these heroes down together, remember?"

"You do not give me, orders, Freeze." Paibok hissed. "_I_ am the one who gives orders!"

"Freeze?" Johnny blinked.

"Mr. Freeze." Fire told Johnny. "He's from my world. He normally fights a hero in my world called Batman. He uses a cold gun to create ice."

"Heh. Cold gun." Johnny snorted. "Wuss. I know a guy who don't need no fancy cold gun."

"Think whatever you wish, alien." Mr. Freeze responded at the Power-Skrull, his monotone voice showing his lack of emotion. "But I will dispose of these heroes. With or without your help."

"That's what _you_ think, Freeze." Fire growled as she transformed into her fiery form and floated up into the air. "Let's get this party started!"

"Better do what the lady says. Flame on!" Johnny added with a cocky smirk as he turned into his Human Torch form. Fire smirked at the fiery hero.

"Too bad you're taken, cutie. We would've been one hot couple."

**The Fortress of Solitude: Ice and Iceman-**

Ice gaped at her surroundings. She had never seen such a beautiful sight.

"Goodness…" The Norwegian ice-wielder gasped as she put her hand to her mouth. "This is beautiful…"

"Why thank you." The X-Man known as Iceman grinned charmingly. "But I'm afraid that I'm already spoken for."

"Oh, I-I didn't mean that at all…" Ice sputtered. "I was just saying…"

"I know, I know…" Iceman nodded. "Whoever built this place has got a great eye for décor…"

"I know." Ice smiled. "It's very beautiful. It reminds me of home."

"Home?" Iceman blinked. "Where you from, anyway?"

"Norway." Ice smiled. She looked at the mutant ice-maker. "You look like you're made of ice." Her face showed curiosity. "How did that happen?"

"Yeah, side effect of my powers." Iceman sighed. "I used to have a human form, but now I'm stuck like this. It makes hot days difficult."

"I'm sorry." Ice apologized sympathetically. "I didn't mean to depress you."

"Meh. It's alright." Iceman shrugged. "Not your fault. Besides, I have a little gadget to help me with that. The name's Iceman."

"They call me Ice." Ice smiled. "It's obvious why."

"Yeah, I'd bet." Iceman snickered. He looked around. "What is this place?"

"I've heard of it. It's the Fortress of Solitude."

"The huh?"

"A hero from my world named Superman lives here. They say it's located at one of the poles." Ice explained. "Of course, they're only rumours."

"Superman, huh?" Iceman smirked. "Sounds like someone you don't want to mess with."

"He's actually very nice." Ice smiled. "What amazes me is that he was able to build it in a place with so much ice."

"And it's a pity I've gotta burn it down too!" A voice cackled. Iceman leapt out of the way as a flame blast shot past him and blew a hole in the icy wall. He looked at the source: A man in a grey costume with a bug-themed helmet and a jetpack. He was carrying a flamethrower.

"Firefly!" Ice gasped. "You're lucky that Bea isn't here to see you right now…"

"_Please!_" Firefly snorted. "I'm so over her."

"I can't let you stay here." Ice said. "I'm going to have to take you down. Besides, I don't think Superman would be too happy with you wrecking his home."

"Firefly. He sounds like a dummy." Iceman laughed.

"Well, he did trash a fashion show a friend of mine was modelling in." Ice grinned. "Unfortunately, he didn't know she has a bad temper, and she nearly roasted his head off." **(4)**

"I'd like to see you try." Firefly snorted. "Bring it on, cutie pie!"

"Hey Firebug, she ain't alone here!" Iceman smirked. He was about to lend the silver-haired heroine a hand when he felt the ground under his feet begin to rumble. "Aw no…"

"Go on, tell me I rock your world!" The evil mutant known as Avalanche grinned as he used his seismic powers to shake the ground. "Say my name, baby!"

"You're gonna be saying **mine** soon enough, Avalanche! Not to mention yelling out your mama's name!" Iceman growled. "You're going down!"

**TBC…**

**(1) - See "Uncanny Excalibur" for the tag-team match**

**(2) - Happened in the "Morlock Massacre" X-Over a long time ago.**

**(3) - In the URM-Verse, Johnny Storm/Human Torch II has been shacking up with Lyja the Lazerfist.**

**(4) - Earlier in "Uncanny Superbuddies"**

**(5) - See "Uncanny Four"**


	17. Who ARE You People, Part 2!

**The Uncanny Superbuddies**

**Disclaimer: "They're just a bunch of drunk wankers from Colorado!" – Grandpa Marsh, South Park **

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay, folks! Time, other fics, writer's block, that kind of stuff. Luckily, me and R-Man managed to make this wonderful for you! I hope you enjoy it.

_**Chapter 17: Who ARE You People, Part 2**_

**Latveria**

Latveria. A country in Eastern Europe. A country that was under the iron grip of an armored madman. Even though his designs for the world seemed evil, Latveria's citizens actually lived rather well and prosperously. And an outsider was in town.

"Wow." The red-haired light-purple-and-white-costumed pliable detective named Ralph Dibny blinked. The hero known as the Elongated Man looked around. He found himself in a small village, surrounded by forests of pine and mountains high and snow-capped. A nearby hillside was the spot where a huge brooding castle resided. "This place…it's beautiful. It looks like it's something out of those fairytales I used to hear all the time as a kid. Man, Sue would love to come here."

"Personally, this place is not very high on my 'Recommended Vacation Location' list." A voice told the stretchy sleuth. Ralph turned around and saw a man in his forties, his brown hair highlighted by white temples, dressed in a blue costume with white gloves, boots, and waistband. The emblem on his chest was a blue "4" on a white circle with a black border.

"Who are you?" Ralph blinked. "Are you one of those Challengers of the Unknown weirdoes? I've heard they wear uniforms like those." The brown-haired man blinked in confusion.

"The Challengers of the Unknown?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I have never heard of them. I'm from the Fantastic Four."

"Fantastic Four?" Ralph scratched his head. "That sounds like a 1960s comic book." The brown-haired man shook his head.

"I hear that a lot." He answered. He then looked around. "I never thought I would come here again."

"Why? Where's here?" Ralph scratched his head.

"Latveria." The brown-haired man answered. "It's a country in Eastern Europe."

"Wait a minute…" Ralph crossed his arms "Give the other leg a pull. I do have an atlas at home, and I don't ever remember seeing a Latveria anywhere on a map of Europe."

"That cannot be." The brown-haired man blinked. "Unless…" He then had a theory. "Tell me, where do you live?"

"I live in Central City, USA. Why?" Ralph blinked. The brown-haired man let out a "Hmmm…" in thought.

"Of course." He realized. "There is no Central City in America where I come from." **(1)**

"No Central City?" Ralph blinked. The blue-costumed man shook his head.

"No Central City anywhere in the world where I come from. So therefore, our separate dimensions are very wildly divergent." The brown-haired man theorized.

"Man, that kind of stuff, I just leave to Ray or Ted." Ralph sighed. "I hope we manage to find a way out of here quick. I found this nice restaurant in downtown London, and I really want to take Sue there tonight."

"Sue?"

"My wife." Ralph pulled a photo of the dark-haired woman out of a pocket in his costume and showed it to the brown-haired man. The photo showed a grinning Sue standing next to what appeared to be a giant stone head. "That was taken a year ago. Sue and I were visiting Easter Island." The man smiled.

"She's very beautiful." He complimented. "I happen to be married myself. Her name is Sue as well, believe it or not." He pulled out a picture of his own wife from a pocket in his own costume. Ralph looked at the photo, which showed a smiling blonde woman sitting on a beach.

"Well, I'll be damned." Ralph chuckled. "We're both stretchy, we both are smart, and we both have hot wives." The redheaded detective held out a hand. "Ralph Dibny. The World-Famous Elongated Man." The brown-haired man, with a smile, shook it.

"Reed Richards. They call me Mr. Fantastic." Reed introduced himself. "It's an honor to meet a superhero of another dimension, Elongated Man."

"Ah, don't do that codename stuff." Ralph waved. "My codename's just for the papers and stuff. Just call me Ralph. All my friends do." He looked around. "So, this…Latveria place…"

"Yes…" Reed nodded. "It's a country in Eastern Europe in my world. It is ruled by an old rival of mine."

"Rival, huh?" Ralph chuckled. "Figures. I've had quite a few since I got married. All jealous guys."

"I can assure you, stranger, that the issues between me and Reed Richards have nothing to do with a female." An Eastern European-accented voice piped up. Ralph and Reed turned around to see a man in gray armor that was covered by a green tunic with a cloak and hood. "Gentlemen, I wish to welcome you to Latveria."

"Ralph Dibny, meet Victor Von Doom. Also known as Doctor Doom." Reed sighed. "He is the ruler of this country. He and I have fought each other for years."

"You were the one who caused Doom's face to become scarred." Dr. Doom explained, crossing his arms.

"Huh?" Ralph blinked.

"He's an egomaniac." Reed explained. "He made some errors on calculations for a machine he was working on. I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen. He activated the machine, and it worked…for a few seconds, and then it blew up in his face."

"Ah." Ralph nodded. "The old It-wasn't-my-fault-because-I'm-perfect-in-every-way-so-it-must-be-someone-else's-fault complex." Dr. Doom bristled at the remark.

"Awww, whadda madda, metalface? Remark hit home?" A goateed man laughed from the roof of one of the building. He was dressed in a black-and-white costume, with a black helmet that had a white brim and fin on it, and a chest emblem of a lightbulb. Ralph groaned.

"Terrific."

"Who is that?" Reed frowned.

"Dr. Light." Ralph sighed. "He's a regular enemy of a group of teenage heroes from my world called the Teen Titans. He regularly gets slapped around by them."

"Personally, I was hoping I'd be facing that gimmick-stealing bitch Hoshi." Dr. Light groused, crossing his arms. "I hate her! I hate her I hate her I hate her I HATE HER!"

"He's talking about Kimiyo Hoshi, from my world." Ralph explained. "She's a scientist who gained light powers and decided to become another Dr. Light. She had no idea that this guy was around, and being as stubborn as she is, she refused to change her name." Reed nodded.

"Enough!" Dr. Light snapped. "I will crush you, Elongated Man, and then I will make that witch Hoshi _pay_ for humiliating me!"

"Like she needs help with that?" Ralph cracked. Dr. Light only screamed in response and threw a light blast.

**The swamps of Louisiana**

Meanwhile, Kimiyo Hoshi, the heroic, and many would say more competent Dr. Light, found herself standing on the porch of an old abandoned plantation house. The Japanese scientist crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

"First, this…_Mojo_…" Kimiyo muttered Mojo's name like it was some kind of curse. "…kidnaps me, and then he places me in some filthy swamp! I will crush him for this."

"You're not alone." A voice reassured. "You're not the only one who wants a piece of him." Kimiyo turned around and noticed an African-American woman leaning on the porch. She was dressed in a silver costume with black leggings, silver flaps under the arms, white high-heeled boots, and an emblem of a black multi-pointed star. "And you better watch what you say about the swamp. I grew up in Louisiana, and I used to work harbor patrol there before the superhero gig." She smiled at the horizon. "Yup. Seeing this place just reminds me of home."

"I find it hard to believe that anyone would find this place heartwarming." Kimiyo looked at the swamp. The silver-clad woman shrugged.

"I dunno where you're from, lady, so I'm not going to judge where you come from." She shrugged. She then shook her head. "Man, kidnapped by Mojo. Now I _know_ I've made the big time. And I thought the day that I gained the ability to transform into any form of energy was the biggest day of my life." Kimiyo raised an eyebrow.

"You have light-based abilities?"

"Mm-hmm." The African-American woman nodded. "That's how I came to be called Photon. Well, actually, I was once called Captain Marvel, but that's another story. A long story."

"Photon." Kimiyo nodded. "Appropriate. I happen to have similar abilities myself."

"Yeah, Mojo is like that." Photon nodded. "So, what do they call you?"

"Doctor Light." Kimiyo answered. Photon started laughing. "What is so funny?" Kimiyo scowled.

"Sorry, it's just…Dr. Light? That sounds like something a goofy supervillain would come up with." Photon laughed.

"Tell me about it." Kimiyo grunted. _If I ever see that moronic Arthur Light again…_ "So…tell me about this Mojo. The heroes from your world seem to be more familiar with him."

"I myself don't know much about him." Photon shrugged. "He's basically the insane ruler of a television-obsessed dimension."

"Huh." Kimiyo raised an eyebrow. "It could be worse. I could be facing off against some idiotic intergalactic fashion designer."

"Now _that_ would be weird." Photon chuckled. A green energy blast ripped out from inside the house, narrowly missing Photon and Dr. Light. The two energy manipulators turned around.

"Who dares?" Dr. Light hollered angrily. "Show yourself!"

"Geez, you sound like a guy from my world called Dr. Doom." Photon joked. A blast of electricity ripped down the wall, revealing their opponents. The first was a man in armor that was in two shades of green. His head was a skull that was engulfed in green flame. "What is that? A Ghost Rider wannabe?"

"I have heard of him from the League's files." Kimiyo narrowed her eyes. "He is called the Atomic Skull." The second was a green-costumed man with yellow lightning bolts on his chest and a yellow 5-pointed star-like mask.

"And that's Electro." Photon noticed. "He's from my world. He wields electrical power."

"Hey there, chickies!" Electro snickered. The Atomic Skull only growled and punched his fist into his palm.

**The Flash Museum, Central City**

"Wow…" Spencer Allen Burton, the teenaged armored speedster called Sonic Blue, whistled in an impressed manner. He was looking at the Flash Museum, a building which was dedicated to Central City's resident hero, the Scarlet Speedster, the Flash. Spencer looked at a statue of the Scarlet Speedster. "Flash, huh?" He chuckled. "Man, I wonder what tech he uses in his costume to give him his speed."

"I think that statue really captures my good side." The Flash smirked as he leaned on a statue. "Nice outfit, kid. A little bulky for a speedster, don't you think?" Spencer looked down.

"Actually, it's pretty sleek. It's based on an armor design a friend of mine used." Spencer explained. "He designed armors that allowed him to fly. I just made some modifications." He looked at a statue of the flamethrower-wielding villain called Heat Wave. "Hey…" Spencer blinked. "That guy reminds me a lot of Mr. Fahrenheit."

"Mr. Who?" Flash blinked.

"Mr. Fahrenheit." Spencer answered. "A former Hollywood technician. He don't like women and he can be obsessed with fame at times."

"I…see…" Flash blinked. Sonic Blue started looking at the Rogue exhibits.

"Hmmm…Mirror Master…Captain Cold…the Weather Wizard…the Trickster…" Spencer read off their names. "Heh. Those guys remind me a lot of bad guys from my world."

"Really? Huh. Imagine the odds." Flash snickered.

"Yeah." Spencer agreed. "This…Mirror Master guy…he reminds me of Reflector. She's a woman who can transform her skin into a glassy-like material. In her human form, she absorbs light. In her mirror form, she can use that light to generate holograms, fire lasers, and I think she's leapt into mirrors a few times."

"Is she hot?" Flash grinned.

"I was usually too busy trying not to get my blue-plated butt kicked by her to notice." Spencer answered. "That Captain Cold. He reminds me of Coldheart."

"Coldheart?" Flash blinked.

"A not very well woman." Spencer shook his head sadly. "She's a schizophrenic…when she's not taking her meds. She believes her dead son can speak to her from beyond the grave. Her son died thanks to him trying to imitate a superhero."

"Whoa…" Flash's jaw dropped. "Your rogues are messed up, kid."

"Tell me about it." Spencer sighed, looking at the Weather Wizard statue. "At least you don't have to deal with an insane weather-controlling hippie."

"Whaaaaa-?" Flash's jaw dropped.

"The Weatherman." Spencer explained. "A nutty hippie who got experimented on by aliens. Y'see, they grafted these alien tech armbands on him, and the experiments messed up his head…well, messed it up even more." The Iron Speedster sighed. "He gained the ability to control the weather. He became convinced he was the spokesman for the earth and he started using his powers to wreck sources of pollution. Originally, the armbands were unremovable, but I found a way with help."

"Ah." Flash nodded. "Your Rogues must be a load of laughs when they're together." Flash crossed his arms. "I often find mine hanging out in the bar."

"I wish it were that simple." Spencer shook his head. "My Rogues can't stand each other. Any team-up they have always ends up falling apart."

"My Rogues have fights, too." Flash sighed. "Oh, you wouldn't _believe_ the brawl Captain Cold and Mirror Master had last week. Oy…"

"Nothing compared to the time that I had to deal with Reflector trying to choke out Jester."

"Jester?" Flash blinked. "Oh, he must be your version of the Trickster." Flash pointed at the statue of the former-circus-performer-turned villain.

"I guess." Spencer shrugged. "Jester's got a bit of a child-like mind. He's the only 30-year-old man I know who throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get any chocolate milk."

"You got any others?" Flash wondered.

"Well, I got Boomerang and this guy called Whirlwind. That's about it." Spencer shrugged. "Whirlwind has the ability to spin himself at superhuman speeds."

"Heh." Flash shook his head, a smirk on his cowled face. "Now ain't that funny. We both have similar villains."

"Yeah, but yours seem like a bunch of bruisers in gaudy costumes." Spencer sighed. "Mine are real psychos. They hate everybody, even each other."

"Actually, Heat Wave does kinda get a little _too_ happy when something burns." Flash shrugged. "And the Trickster, he's not really that bad. He's like a little kid." **(2)**

"I'd love to see him and Jester in the same room." Spencer chuckled. "I bet those two would concoct a plan to take over the world with a deck of cards and a crayon." He chuckled to himself. "Man, Spencer Allen Burton, what have you gotten yourself into?" Flash accidentally overheard the teenager's mumbling, and his eyes widened.

_Allen?_ Flash mentally mumbled. _Heh. No surprise. Allen._ Suddenly, a red beam of sonic energy ripped through the air. It slammed into the Mirror Master statue and shattered it. "Hey! I just had that thing fixed."

"Oh, no…" Spencer growled. "Flash, you're about to meet the one villain I have that my other villains hate even more than each other."

"Awww…" Keith Michaels, the red-armored super-fast psycho speedster called Redfoot chuckled. "You sure know how to compliment a guy."

"You have your own Reverse-Flash, too. No surprise." Flash sighed.

"If you say so." Spencer growled. "Meet Redfoot. The man thinks I ruined his life."

"You _did_ ruin my life, Burton!" Redfoot snarled, fists glowing with red sonic energy.

"You may deal with your nonsensical feud all you wish, Mr. Michaels." A cultured voice told the red-armored super-fast psychopath. "Just as long as I get to settle my issues with the Flash." The voice's source walked out into the light. It was a large, powerful-looking gorilla.

"In case you're wondering, no. I don't have one of those in my Rogues' Gallery." Spencer told the Flash.

"Yeah, be glad." Flash nodded. "He's kooky…and naked."

"Enough talk! Time to break some necks!" Redfoot fired streams of red sonic energy at the two super-fast heroes.

**Apokolips**

Apokolips was a brutal-looking industrial planet. Huge controlled blazes burned in the background. And a certain Russian superhero was looking around. The sky was black like the heart of its ruler, Darkseid.

"Oh dear. This is certainly different from London." The armored hero called Rocket Red mumbled to himself. "Apokolips. I have read about this place from the Justice League's files. I never thought I would come here personally."

"So _that's_ what this place is called, friend." A figure said to Rocket Red. It was a man in red-and-gold armor. "I figured a place like this would have a name like that." The Russian hero blinked at the red-and-gold armored man.

"I do not recognize you." Rocket Red blinked. "You do not resemble Steel."

"Steel? Who this 'Steel' clown?" The red-and-gold armored man crossed his arms. "And based on the designs from your armor…no offense, friend, but you're a little out of date."

"I know." Rocket Red shrugged. "My wife thinks it's very retro. 'Cold War chic', she calls it. Personally, I've been wanting to put more red on it. Can't be called 'Rocket Red' if my armor is mostly white."

"…I…see." Iron Man blinked. Rocket Red noticed something.

"You know, you look like one of heroes from Flash's comic books he's showed me. That…Iron Man fellow. You look just like him." Underneath his helmet, Tony Stark's jaw dropped.

"I'm a _comic book character?_" Iron Man exclaimed. "Wait a minute…who are you?"

"I am Rocket Red of Justice League International." Rocket Red introduced himself.

"The what?" Iron Man blinked.

"You have never heard of Justice League International?" Rocket Red blinked.

"I've never even heard of a Justice League." Iron Man shook his head. "Where I come from, the big super-team is called the Avengers."

"Avengers?" Rocket Red blinked. "I have never heard of these…Avengers."

"You _haven't?_" Iron Man exclaimed. "Where are you from?"

"I am from Ukraine." Rocket Red explained.

"Huh." Iron Man nodded. "I don't recognize your armor. I don't detect any Stark Tech in it."

"…Stark Tech…" The Ukranian hero frowned. "I am sorry, I am not familiar with

such a name. Our realities are both very different."

"You're telling me." Iron Man shook his head. "I wonder why we've been brought

to this Apokalips place anyway."

"I am not certain." Rocket Red scratched his armored chin. "I have heard of the residents of this planet. They are not particularly friendly. They are, as you Americans say, 'very bad news'."

"Lucky us." Iron Man sighed. "But still, that doesn't really answer why we're here."

"So you can be killed, fleshling!" An evil robotic voice retorted.

Iron Man spun around to see a face that he thought that he wouldn't see for a long time.

"Ultron!"

"What is an Ultron?" Rocket Red blinked.

"Very bad news, friend." Iron Man told the Ukranian hero. "He's a very evil robot with a huge Daddy Complex. Every time we destroy this guy, he finds a way to come back!"

"He ain't alone, Shell-Head!" Another mechanical voice retorted. This time it was Rocket Red's turn to blink in shock and surprise.

"Metallo. I have read the files that the Justice League has on you. You are usually seen fighting Superman."

"Metallo?" Iron Man chuckled.

"Yes, he is different from your Ultron, I assume." Rocket Red nodded. "That is, unless, Ultron has a human brain implanted in him."

"I wish." Iron Man groaned. "Ultron would rather jump in a garbage compacter than have a human brain put in him. He hates everything organic."

"Then he has no compunction about killing us." Rocket Red concluded.

"Friend, he once wiped out an entire country. Women, children, everything." Iron Man told the Ukranian.

"It's a pity the Big Blue Boy Scout ain't here." The psychotic cyborg sneered to himself. "I woulda preferred to have taken _him_ down, but I guess you'll have to do."

"Prepare to die, fleshlings." Ultron's hands began to glow with energy. "Your death with be quick!" He then looked at Metallo. "And as soon as I am done with them, your death shall come next, Metallo. You are only a man _pretending_ to be your superior."

"Bite my shiny metal ass, you overgrown blender." Metallo grunted.

**Themyscira, aka Paradise Island**

Themyscira had been the home of the Amazons for many thousands of years. Usually,

it was a place of peace and tranquility. Unfortunately, that was not the case today. The young heroine known as Mary Marvel looked around at her surroundings in wonder. She was walking along a golden beach, the waves crashing on it quietly.

"Holy moley! I never thought that I'd see the day…" She smiled as she saw the bright, white Greek-style architecture. "Everything looks so serene, so beautiful…"

"Hey, shorty! You mind filling in those of us that have no idea what's going on?" A very tall woman with green skin requested as she caught up to the young heroine.

"Oh!" Mary yelped. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

"The name's She-Hulk, by the way." The green lady held out her hand in greeting.

"My name's Mary. Mary Marvel." Mary smiled, shaking She-Hulk's hand vigorously. "Are you a Martian?"

"Huh?" She-Hulk blinked.

"My friend J'onn J'onzz has green skin like yours, but his is lighter. He's from Mars." Mary explained her reasoning. The Emerald Amazon laughed.

"Oh man, you won't _believe_ how many times I'm asked that!" She-Hulk laughed. "I'm not from Mars, kiddo. I'm actually a California girl."

"Oh." Mary blinked. "I've never been to California. I have heard that it is nice, though."

"You _haven't?_" She-Hulk's jaw dropped. "My God! You gotta go down there sometime! You haven't _lived_ until you've been to California." Mary laughed.

"You remind me a lot of a friend of mine." Mary laughed. "Green hair and all. She's a Brazilian supermodel with fire powers."

"Looks like I started a trend with the green hair." The She-Hulk chuckled. "So, you got any idea where we are, Mary?"

"From what I've read in the Justice League files, I think this place is called Themyscira." Mary explained. "The home of the Amazons."

"I've the stories." She-Hulk nodded. "No men allowed. Geez, where's the fun in having an island with no men around?" Mary laughed again.

"Oh yeah, you are very much like my Brazilian friend. She'd say the same thing." Mary chuckled.

"Who is this person you keep talking about anyway?" The Emerald Amazon inquired curiously. Mary was about to reply when something wrapped itself around her neck and yanked her backwards.

"You!" Mary gasped in horror, recognizing her attacker straight away.

"Glad to see that you remember me, Sweet Cheeks." Mary's Justice Lord counterpart, Mistress Marvel, leered down at her. With an evil smirk, the black-clad woman tightened her whip's grip on the poor member of the Marvel family.

"Hey! You let her go!" She-Hulk demanded as she prepared to attack their foe. "Don't make me have to give you a gamma-powered beatdown, you walking evil twin cliché!"

"I don't think so, Green-Jeans." Mistress Marvel shook her head. "I've got help."

"Huh?" She-Hulk blinked, hearing a noise. The green-skinned Avenger was then knocked off her feet as somebody swung a giant column at her, knocking her into the sand.

"Remember me, She-Hulk?" The super-strong woman known as Titania sneered. Titania was clad in her traditional thigh-high purple high-heeled boots and long-sleeved low-cut purple costume, with the cowl that revealed her red hair and the spikes on the sides of the arms.

"Titania?" She-Hulk groaned at the sight of her self-appointed nemesis. "What are _you_ doing here?" Titania just grinned evilly as she prepared for a killing blow.

"It looks like I'm kicking your butt!"

**Genosha **

Genosha had once been an island of hi-tech wonder, but now it was nothing but a wasteland. A hoard of giant killer robots had made sure that most of the island's inhabitants never survived their onslaught. Captain Atom looked around in shock at the pile of rubble that was once Hammer Bay.

"My God…" The silver-skinned former pilot whispered. "What happened here…? What caused all of this? The only thing that could've caused this kind of destruction is some kind of nuclear attack…"

"Not quite, but I bet some of the inhabitants wished that it was." A feminine voice told the radiation-wielder. "This was caused by bunch of killer robots called Sentinels." The source of the voice, a blonde woman clad in a one-piece dark blue swimsuit-like costume with a yellow lightning bolt-like streak on it and a red sash, with a matching domino mask and thigh-high dark blue high-heeled boots, explained. "They torched the whole island. It was lucky that anybody survived at all." She shook her head sadly. "Another hero I know was on this island at the time. She never was the same since." Captain Atom immediately stood straight.

"Captain Nathanial Adam, formerly of the United States Air Force." Captain Atom saluted the blonde. "Codename: Captain Atom."

"Major Carol Danvers, also of the United States Air Force. My friends call me Warbird." The blonde woman replied, making her own salute, one that was more relaxed. "Which, technically makes me your superior officer."

"Ma'am! Yes ma'am!" Captain Atom saluted again.

"Yeah…" Warbird scratched the back of her neck. "You can drop all of that 'ma'am' stuff here. Superhero business isn't as formal as the military."

"Very well, ma'am." Captain Atom nodded. Warbird shook her head with a sigh. Well, she had to admit, he never forgot decorum.

"Well, what I guess we should do now is try to find a way back to our teammates…"

"Good plan, ma'am." Captain Atom nodded in agreement. "Do you know anything about our…abductor?"

"Not much, I'm afraid." Warbird frowned. "I know that the fat blob is named Mojo. Basically, he kidnapped us for ratings."

"And I thought my world watched too much television." Captain Atom shook his head.

"From what I know, Mojo is basically a TV executive." Warbird remembered.

"You seem to know a lot about this guy." Captain Atom noticed.

"Yeah, he regularly fights a group I have…history with." Warbird sighed.

"I assume that we don't need recon, since this area's familiar to you." Captain Atom noted. Warbird nodded.

"What we need is to find a way to get out of this place." Warbird concurred. "Genosha isn't completely deserted. Maybe we'll find somebody who can help us out."

"The only way that you will find a way off this island is in your casket!" An accented voice told the two heroes. Warbird spun around to see a bald Chinese man that was glowing with a phosphorescent green light. He was dressed in a green overall-like costume with a yellow 8-pointed star emblem.

"Dr. Chen Lu." Warbird recognized the villain. "Also known as the Radioactive Man."

"I see that my reputation precedes me, woman." Radioactive Man nodded. "You are

quite attractive, for a Western woman. It is a pity that I must kill you." Captain Atom was about to make a move to defend his companion, and superior officer, when he was knocked to the ground by a radioactive blast.

"Ten hut, maggot!" The psychotic villain known as Major Force barked. "Obey your superior officer and get off your ass!" He scowled at the silver-skinned hero as he struggled to get up. Captain Atom glared at Major Force.

"I refuse to salute you, Zmeck." Captain Atom growled angrily as he got to his feet.

"What is your major malfunction, son? You yellow?" Major Force barked. Like Captain Atom, Major Force was an energy being in a man-like containment suit. Whereas Atom's suit was silver with a chest emblem of a white red-bordered 8-pointed star with rounded points, Force's containment suit was purple, which turned yellow below the chest, with yellow upper arm-length gloves. The suit made him look like he had a crew cut. On his chest was a yellow emblem that looked like a stylized "MF".

"I am anything but yellow, Major..." Captain Atom growled, his hands starting to glow with unreleased radiation. "And you stopped becoming my superior officer when you started to stuff innocent women in refrigerators!" **(3)**

"When he _what?_" Warbird's jaw dropped.

"Major Clifford Zmeck, ma'am. Major Force." Captain Atom explained, not taking his eyes off the purple-and-yellow-suited psychopath. "He was a military officer. He became Major Force in the same experiment that created me." The silver-skinned hero scowled. "Not long after, he was found to have murdered several women. Turns out the man had issues with women."

"Hmph. A superpowered misogynist. How wonderful." Radioactive Man frowned.

"You should talk." Warbird growled at the radiation-packing Chinese scientist. "You come from a country that abandons female babies."

"Contrary to your belief Warbird, I myself find that practice appalling and archaic." Radioactive Man crossed his arms. "I may hail from a Communist country, but I have learned that my government isn't always right, thanks to my time in the United States."

"What're we yappin' for, maggot?" Major Force growled. "I say we nuke this wasteland! Put it out of its misery!" He then grinned lecherously at Warbird. "I wouldn't mind having a little AWOL time with Blondie here first, though."

"Keep dreaming, sicko." Warbird sneered.

"Another woman who won't learn her place." Major Force snickered. "I wish I had a refrigerator right now."

"Go ahead and try it, you fruitcake!" Warbird angrily challenged.

"Ma'am, I can't allow to risk your life facing him." Captain Atom put a hand on his blonde companion's shoulder. "He'll have no reservations about killing you. He's made of energy like me. It'll be difficult to defeat him." The purple-and-yellow psychopath smirked at Captain Atom.

"Glad to see that your spine ain't totally turned to jelly." Major Force grinned evilly. "Cuz I'm about to give you a whupping like you ain't gonna believe!"

"I've stopped you before, Force. And I can do it again." Captain Atom narrowed his eyes.

**TBC... **

**(1) – Which is a pretty funny thing for Reed Richards to say, because in early ****issues of Fantastic Four from the 1960s, it was established that the FF were ****headquartered in "Central City". However, the Marvel Universe in the 1960s was a ****"work-in-progress", with details about characters constantly being refined and ****changed as issues were released, and to make it easier for writers and artists, ****the FF were moved to New York City, where they've worked from ever since. **

**(2) – In Justice League Unlimited, the Trickster was portrayed as a sufferer of ****a split personality. The wacky Trickster personality was kept under control by ****meds. Funnily enough, in the episode "Flash and Substance", he was voiced by ****Mark Hamill, who portrayed the Trickster in the live-action Flash series. **

**(3)- In the comics, when Kyle Rayner first became a Green Lantern, Major Force ****killed his girlfriend and stuffed her in a refrigerator. He would eventually decapitate the madman and send his head (which was still alive) into space. **


End file.
